Red Flags of an Unhappy Marriage

Do you have a happy marriage? Or is your marriage on shaky ground? Sometimes we go on in life and are not even aware that our relationship with our spouse has fallen by the wayside. Perhaps you and your spouse have busied yourself with life (and all its little details and demands) – getting the children to school every day, going to the office and facing the stresses and challenges there, working to save for a dream vacation or to pay off the mortgage and so many other things. Life may have taken over and before you know it, you and your spouse have drifted apart.

In some cases, there are red flags that indicate an unhappy marriage. In cases where it’s clearly evident that a marriage is in trouble, it’s important to get some help as soon as possible. Marriage counseling can offer a great deal of help to couples who may be struggling to make it. If you think your marriage may be in trouble, seek help! It is normally worth it to work through your difficulties and come out on the other side as a stronger family unit.

Here are some signs to watch out for if you believe your marriage is in trouble:

–          Your relationship has lost that “spark”. This may be marked by a lack of enthusiasm to see your spouse at the end of a long working day. This loss of affection may leave you or your spouse vulnerable to an extra-marital affair. When you feel that the joy and delight of being together is replaced by dullness and the feeling of being stuck in a rut, treat it as a red flag that your relationship could be headed in a negative direction.

–          Disagreements that are getting more and more frequent. It may seem that you and your spouse can’t agree on anything. You either argue about the issue or try to sweep it under the rug and not deal with it. There may be a failure to reach an agreement or compromise about a certain issue.

–          A feeling of being disconnected from the other spouse, either emotionally or physically. You feel as if you can’t connect with your spouse and share in his or her joys, disappointments or hurts.

–          Sexual tension and lack of passion in the bedroom. If your spouse would rather sleep than make love (even though it’s been quite a while since you made love), then that can be a huge red flag that your relationship is in trouble. Your spouse may create daily routines that prevent him or her from sleeping in the same bed with you. For instance, he or she may choose to work late or watch late-night television and only come to bed when you’re already asleep.

–          Lack of real communication. When there haven’t been any heartfelt conversations with your spouse lately, that can be a sign of a marriage problem. You or your partner may try to avoid having honest-to-goodness discussions for fear that it could turn into an argument. At times, it can even come to a point where you feel that you don’t really know your spouse anymore.

–          Lack of mutual respect. This is when petty arguments start getting ugly and hurtful. When one spouse is trying to undermine the other, these can be signs of severe damage in a marriage. There may be bouts of trying to humiliate a spouse in front of others, of talking about his or her shortcomings with relatives and friends. In deciding important matters in the home, you feel as if you’re trying to negotiate with an enemy instead of with a partner.

–          Lack of trust. This is when one spouse does not give the other the benefit of the doubt and would rather assume the worst.

–          Your spouse is getting secretive about e-mails, phone calls and text messages. If your spouse is jumping up and closing the door just to answer a phone call, it may be a sign that something’s up. Be observant but don’t overreact or rush to conclusions.

Stop for a while and think about these red flags. Are you seeing them in your marriage? Remember that if you let these signs go unchecked and unresolved, it can destroy your marriage. It’s important to work quickly in dealing with serious issues in your marriage. Act quickly before it’s too late.

Getting help

If you think your marriage may be in trouble, it can be helpful to consider couples counseling. Don’t make the mistake of hoping that it is just a phase and will soon go away. That may not be the case. While there is still time and your marriage has not yet sustained serious damage, marriage and family therapy can help both of you deal with the issues that are at the root of these problems.

Whatever the two of you are dealing with, it is very beneficial to see a marriage counselor to help you gain a better understanding of your situation and focus on how you, as a couple, can communicate and resolve problems.

Marriage therapists in Provo, Utah

If you are residing in Provo, Utah, feel free to contact Triston Morgan to set up an appointment. Triston is licensed to practice marriage and family counseling in the state of Utah and has years of experience dealing with couples through professional marriage counseling. With a great deal of experience in marriage and family counseling tucked under his belt, Triston Morgan can provide you with a non-confrontational environment where you can discuss the red flags you see in your relationship and discover how the two of you can effectively and constructively work through them.



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