The right kind of praise can help build up a child’s sense of self and confidence. However, the wrong kind of praise will actually be detrimental to the development of a child. The words, “Good boy!” “Great job!” or “That was wonderful!” does not provide constructive praise. This kind of praise is “lazy praise” since it really does not give the child any value.

There is one school of thought that encourages the giving out of praise. There is also another that fears that too much praise can spoil a child. So, how much and what kind of praise can help build confident individuals without necessarily building kids that are spoiled with praise?

One important thing is that praise should not be manipulative – given only when a child makes us feel good of gives us what we want. Rather, praise should be given to highlight a child’s good behavior and to encourage that behavior.

Here are some ways to give “proper” praise:

Focus on the process and the effort, rather than the outcome. Instead of saying “Good job!’ (which highlights the results), say, “Thank you for your hard work and effort!” A child should be able to know why they did well in order for them to know how to do it the next time. Focusing on results will diminish the value of praise, especially if the next result is a failure. The child will tend to feel the pressure to produce the same results. Acknowledging effort will encourage the child to be ready to accept new and tougher challenges as well as encourage them to work harder.

Avoid giving too much praise. Lavishing praise can either turn children into praise junkies who crave for more praise or who no longer find the praise of any value. According to a research made by Carol Dweck and Claudia Mueller of Columbia University, too much praise can result in a child who is less confident of their actions and responses, who is fearful about sharing ideas and who shun difficult assignments.

Don’t praise a child for areas which are not in their control. This includes talents and abilities that are innate in a child – intellect, artistic or musical talent or athletic ability. Praising a child for intelligence will teach the child that any failure is caused by a lack of intelligence (“I failed, therefore, I must be stupid.”). This kind of praise may be harmful to the child and may necessitate Provo counseling at a later age.

Praising kids for their natural ability and intelligence may result in children who are more wary of challenges and more fearful of failure. Also, praising someone for their natural ability gives the child a sense of helplessness. Praise the child for behavior they can control and can be responsible for. This includes being disciplined, showing focus, being generous, respectful or hardworking. That way, they know that they can step up on the level of their efforts and see improvements.

Let your child see the natural consequences and results of their performance. Especially with children at a young age, praise may not even be necessary at all. You just need to point out what they were able to accomplish and this accomplishment will provide the praise. For instance, if a young child was able to tie his shoelaces, you simply need to say, “Look, you did it all by yourself.”

Be specific. Saying “Good job.” does not really tell the child what he did well. Rather, use praise that describes the behavior you want the child to learn. Rather, say things like, “I like the way you worked hard at finishing that assignment.” Or, “I appreciate your being able to control your temper.”

Be sincere and truthful. Rather than being helpful, insincere praise can, in fact, be damaging to a child. A child knows whether he did or did not do well. If he notices you praising him because you feel sorry for him, your praise will have little effect on him.

Avoid giving praise for achievements that came with little or no effort. This can send out the message that you don’t really care or don’t have an understanding of what the child does.

Never compare the child to other kids. Instead, focus on how well the child behaved or worked towards mastering a skill. Comparing other children brings the focus towards competition between the children, rather than in mastering a skill. This kind of comparison breeds children who are devastated at losing and whose motivation is lost when they also lose their competitive edge.

Giving the right kind of praise is a communication skill and it is a skill that is not learned overnight. You may need to go for family counseling in Utah to become more adept in your communication with your child. Utah counseling can also help thresh out issues with communication between parents and children.

 

How you parent reflects your unique personality. Your parenting style is formed by many factors and is based on an overall pattern of your actions, reactions and interactions between you and your child. Diana Baumrind and her fellow researchers have outlined various parenting styles based on the characteristics that particular style fosters in a child. A parenting style may encourage openness, self-sufficiency, self-discipline, achievement, friendliness or maturity.

Parenting Styles

Your parenting style will be characterized by four dimensions: communication styles, nurture and warmth, discipline style and expectations of maturity and control. Based on these, how you parent will predominantly fall under one of the four:

– Authoritarian. “Because I said so” is the theme of this style. Under this parenting style, a parent provides the rules and expects the child to follow without question; otherwise, a child can face punishment. Discussions and feedback on rules are frowned upon. The parent is not responsive to questions about the rules. According to Utah therapists, an authoritarian parenting style can produce rebellious and resentful children.
– Authoritative Parenting. This style is similar to the first, with high standards set, but the child is motivated towards self-discipline and maturity through love and warmth, rather than by punishment. The child is allowed to reason and the parent may consider the child’s point of view but standards are still expected to be followed. This style of parenting is a mix of firmness with nurture and care.  When the child also fails to follow the rules, the parent tends to be more lenient and forgiving rather than punishing. The disciplinary methods firm yet gentle guidance for the child, with an encouragement to be self-reliant and responsible for his decisions. With an authoritative parent, there are limits and expectations while the children are able to learn about the natural consequences of any mistakes they make.
– Permissive Parenting. “Do what you want.” This style of parenting allows the child the run on things. Parents don’t demand much from the child with regards to self-discipline and maturity and make no efforts towards confronting the wrong things a child does. Parents are more friends rather than disciplinarian. This style of parenting exhibits warmth and acceptance, but very little control. Children are allowed more freedom to decide what they want to do and what rules they want to follow.
– Uninvolved parenting. “I’m busy, don’t bother me.” This is marked by low communication, low responsiveness and low demands from the parent to the child. The parent is too busy with other things that he is not involved with the child’s life.

It is important to note that as parenting styles differ according to your personality, how your child reacts to your parenting style will also be based on his own personality.

It is obvious from the descriptions of the different parenting style that the authoritative style of parenting provides the healthiest balance between expectations and nurture, self-control and warmth. With an authoritative parenting style, there is a balance between developing a sense of responsibility and with respecting a child’s rights and privileges.

Where an authoritarian parenting style breeds resentment, dependence on a higher authority and a lack of spontaneity in the child, an authoritative parenting style encourages a child to still retain his sense of independence. On the other hand, where a permissive parenting style breeds children that have self-control and immaturity issues, an authoritative parenting style provides structure by which a child can develop self-discipline and a desire to work towards meeting expectations.
Authoritative parenting also allows for open dialogue about expectations and rules. This fosters independence in the child while providing controls and limitations on how he acts and interacts with others.

Getting Help as a Parent

Even knowing that an authoritative parenting style works the best, we may still find it difficult to develop that parenting style. Parents will do well to find outside help, such as family counseling in Utah. Some tips you can keep in mind to help you develop an authoritative parenting style includes:

– Knowing your child and his temperament. This understanding will help you attune your parenting with his unique personality.
– Set clear expectations and limits.
– Communicate with your child. Take time to listen to what he thinks about issues, especially when it comes to rules covering his behavior. Be sure to explain the importance and impact of the rules and system of consequences you want established in your home. Provo therapists can help you develop your communication skills.
– In the face of resistance, be sure to let your child know that you respect their opinions. However, you will need to be consistent and firm in your decisions and expectations.
– Get help. Maybe existing issues in your family will need to be dealt with. It is best to consider going for family counseling in Provo.

With some effort and Utah counseling, you can work towards being a loving, yet firm parent and help your child grow and thrive as responsible adults who make a positive contribution to society and the world in general.

 

“So I made a mistake. Pooh, pooh. I already said I’m sorry. Why can’t we not make a big deal out of this?”
“It wasn’t that serious. Let’s forget about it and move on.”

We go into marriage recognizing that our significant other is not perfect – nor are we. We are bound to make mistakes – and some mistakes may have more serious consequences than others. Our mistakes (willful or otherwise) will have negative consequences on our union. When one strays and commits adultery, it will hurt the other spouse. When a wife is addicted to shopping and spending, it will not only strain the family’s finances but the couple’s relationship as well.

We sometimes have negative behaviors. What is important is learning how to deal with mistakes from both sides of the coin. For the person who was offended to be able to deal with it and forgive the erring spouse, as well as for the offending party to take responsibility for the consequences and to recognize and validate the other spouse’s hurt feelings. In doing so, a couple can take further steps towards addressing the issue and changing for the better.

Minimizing – A defense Mechanism

“It wasn’t all that bad.” This is the recurring theme of someone who has a tendency to minimize his negative behaviors and its effects. It is a form of denial where one justifies his behavior to avoid dealing with the root cause of the problem and to allow him to continue with the negative behavior.

Minimizing also means having the sense that something one does, thinks or feels is less important as compared to if someone else had the same actions, thoughts and feelings. For instance, a person who is prone to minimizing will try to justify that his being a workaholic isn’t all that bad. He will tell himself that it does not have serious consequences on his family and that as soon as “things settle down in the office”, he can ease off on the work load.

However, when the same person sees the same things happen to another workaholic, he can immediately see what’s wrong with the behavior. He already knows how the persons can act towards correcting their negative behavior. The sad thing is, the things he sees in other people in a similar condition as he is, he can’t see in himself because he has already minimized the consequences of his own behavior.

In the case of an alcoholic or substance abuser, he will try to minimize his addiction by saying, “I just had a couple of drinks, nothing major.” Or, “I was just experimenting; other people were doing it as well.” When he gets into trouble at work, he will respond by saying, “Even if I had a few beers in me, I still manage to do a lot of the work. In fact, my work performance is better than other people’s.” And, if his spouse will suggest going to a Utah substance abuse counselor, he will say, “Why spend good money when there really is no problem. I don’t need Utah counseling– I just have a few beers now and then and I can stop when and if I want to.”

Minimizing and Your Marriage

This kind of defense mechanism will have a negative impact on the marriage as well. Since the problem “isn’t a big deal”, the problem is not faced and dealt with as it should. To address a problem, both spouses must first be able to acknowledge that a problem exists.

Minimizing also sends out the message to the spouse that his or her feelings do not factor in. His or her feelings aren’t recognized and validated. As a result, the negative behaviors can breed resentment, bitterness and hurt. Ultimately, the failure to deal with the problems head on will lead to serious rifts in the marriage.

Breaking down the defense of Minimizing

This habit of minimizing may not be as easy to conquer. It may be more ingrained than you think. You may need the help of an experienced Utah counselor to help you recognize this behavior in you. With the help of Utah marriage counselor, you can start learning appropriate communication and coping tools in order to gain insights into your spouse’s feelings about your negative behaviors. This is one step towards learning to acknowledge and validate your spouse’s feelings. As you communicate with an effort of building empathy and understanding, you will also learn to take responsibility for your actions.

One step is acknowledging that even if you don’t see anything wrong with your behavior is to acknowledge how your spouse feels about it. Even if you don’t have a problem with the issue, if it hurts your spouse, then there is an issue. This sends out the message that your spouse’s feelings are important to you.

Provo marriage counseling can help you get have more emotional equipment in your marriage toolbox that can strengthen your marriage. This includes learning to empathize with your spouse and accepting the consequences of your behavior.

 

For some, food is a good source of comfort. We each have a go-to food for when we feel depressed or stressed out. We also have times when we help ourselves to more of our fair share of food – when we go out on a buffet, or during special occasions such as Christmas or Thanksgiving. However, for binge eaters, the compulsion to overeat is something that happens regularly.

What is Binge Eating?

Binge eating or compulsive overeating is when a person regularly gorges himself with food. Even as he does, he feels that he is powerless to resist the compulsion and cannot stop even when he is already full or already feels sick because of all the food ingested. There may be feelings of stress or disgust during the eating binge. By binge, it usually means eating rapidly without enjoying or tasting the food.

Binge eating is often a response to the pressure caused by going on a major diet. This disorder usually begins during one’s late teens or early adulthood. The binge episodes are characterized by feelings of distress (for not being able to control one’s urge to eat), disgust with one’s self, guilt and even depression.

Binge eating can be a vicious cycle – where a person is driven on an eating binge because of stress. As he binges, he gets some measure of comfort, but feels bad about it afterwards. These negative feelings (about his inability to stop himself from going on a binge coupled by low self-esteem and dissatisfaction about how one looks) can drive him into further bingeing episodes. It may also be rooted in the pressure from society to look a certain way (i.e. thin = sexy and attractive).

According to Utah counselors, there are indications that binge eating is rooted in physical abnormalities. The brain may not be able to release enough serotonin to deal with feelings of depression. Or, the brain does not send the necessary signal to tell the body that it is no longer hungry.

Those who suffer from binge eating disorder are obese, as there is usually no effort made towards ridding one’s self of the food ingested through vomiting or over-exercising (as the case is with bulimia). The symptoms may include:

– Feelings of being out of control. This includes self-disgust, guilt and embarrassment.
– Eating even when one is not hungry or when one is already full
– Eating normally in the presence of others but going on a binge when one is alone
– Having a secret food stash
– The binges are regular
– The binges may last for one or two hours or may go on sporadically throughout the day

Aside from obesity, there are a number of medical, social and emotional complications associated with binge eating. These include:

– A higher likelihood of suicide
– A higher likelihood to also abuse other substances such as prescription medicine, alcohol and drugs to cope with the depression and stress
– Physical problems such as diabetes, heart problems associated with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, heart disease, gastrointestinal problems, gallbladder disease and sleep apnea.

Getting help for Binge Eating

Getting into a healthier relationship with food can be a struggle. If you or a loved one is suffering from binge eating, you may need to go for Utah counseling. If the binge eating disorder is also accompanied by substance abuse problems, you may also need to seek the services of a Utah substance abuse counselor.

Here are some things you can do to help you triumph over binge eating:

– Maintain a regular meal schedule. This should include 3 meals plus snacks, if necessary. Never skip meals, especially breakfast, since doing so will make you hungrier and have stronger food cravings. At this point, stop any diet you’re on. When you deprive yourself of food, you will actually crave for more.
– Don’t stock your cupboards with unhealthy food. Take away the temptation. If you don’t have ready access to food, it will be more difficult for you to yield to the temptation to go on an eating binge.
– Keep yourself busy. Sometimes, people eat not out of hunger but out of boredom. When all you do is watch TV or sit in front of the computer, it is easy to fall into binge eating. Keep yourself busy with activities such as planting a garden, learning a new craft, making a scrapbook or taking walks.
– Keep on moving! Get plenty of exercise. Exercise gives off feel-good substances that can help ward off any oncoming depression. As you feel good about yourself and your body, you are more able to resist eating on a binge.
– Keep a journal on your eating patterns. This will help you keep track of the amount and the kinds of food you eat. The journal will provide you with key information about how your eating is related with your mood.
– Get help. Getting into Provo counseling will help you get to the bottom of your binge eating (feelings of depression, fear and stress) and will keep you equipped with coping tools to manage your appetite. You should also get the support of friends and loved ones.
– Educate yourself. You should educate yourself about a well-balanced diet and losing weight the healthy way.

Utah therapists can do a lot towards fighting compulsions and getting equipped with healthy eating habits. Therapy can also help recognize the triggers for your binge eating and how to avoid them, as well as manage the stress that can contribute to binge eating.

 

Princess Diana, the well-loved Princess of Wales gives a helpful insight into the mind of those who indulge in cutting and self-injury: “You have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside because you want help.” Princess Diana admitted in a 1995 BBC interview that she had cutting and self-injuring tendencies.

And Princess Diana is not alone. An estimated one percent of adults and teens in the country have, at one point or another, shown some type of self-abusive tendencies. This includes practices such as:

– Cutting
– Anorexia
– Fracturing the bones
– Burning or piercing of the skin
– Banging the hear or pulling out hair
– Cutting symbols or words onto the skin
– Preventing the healing process to be fully complete

When these tendencies are allowed to persist without treatment, this behavior will worsen over the years. There may be a need to go for Utah counseling.

A self-injurer may look “normal” at the outside and is usually female. She is more likely in the prime of her life (middle 20s to early 30s) and usually will belong in the upper-middle or middle class. The cutting may be traced to experiences of physical or sexual abuse, as well as a dysfunctional family environment. Cutting and self-injury is usually rooted in a deeper problem. . Provo counseling will not only aim towards stopping the act of cutting but also to delve into the root causes.

Self-injury Defined

Self-injury is defined as intentionally causing injury to the body. This is usually manifested in making cuts or burns in some areas of the body. Self-injury is a coping mechanism that one may use to ward off feelings that may seem to overwhelm. A self-cutter will usually perform these acts to cope with anger, frustration, stress or feelings of emptiness and loss of control.

More often than not, self-injury also goes together with other psychological problems such as anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder or eating disorders. They may perform acts of self-injury to:

– Provide a temporary relief from what they are feeling
– Gain a sense of calm and control over their situation
– Provide some form of self-punishment, for what the individual perceives as his failure. It can also be seen as a cry for help
– Feel “alive” when feelings of emptiness become overwhelming. Cutting results in the release of endorphins, which give the body a certain rush.

Dealing with a Self-Cutter

Some signs of self-injury include:

– The presence of cuts, scratches and scars. Usually, these are unexplained.
– Having sharp objects nearby or in his person. This includes needles, razors, shaving implements
– Being “accident prone’”- where someone suffers from an unexpected number of broken bones, bruises and scars from cuts or burns
– Blood stains on clothes, tissues, bed linen and towels.
– Insistence on wearing “cover up” clothes such as long sleeved shirts and long pants, even during hot weather
– Need for isolation and “privacy”. A person who self-injures will avoid getting dressed or undressed in front of others, He will also brood or stay in the bathroom or bedroom for extended periods of time.

If you are a parent whose child shows symptoms of self-injury, it can be quite a challenge. It may require a fine balancing act – wanting your child to be safe and supporting your child as he heals. You may need to deal with personal feelings of guilt and self-doubt.

Some do’s and don’ts include:

– Don’t assume that the cutting is just a passing phase with your child. Seek help immediately. This can come in the form of family counseling in Provo. An experienced family counselor can help sort out the reasons and the triggers for cutting behavior.
– Do recognize the need for help. This is when family counseling in Utah can be helpful.
– Don’t hide knives, blades or any sharp objects. If a person is intent of injuring himself, no amount of hiding will deter him.
– Do show your support and unconditional love.
– Do keep yourself informed and educated. It will benefit the family to understand that cutting has an underlying cause and that it won’t be “fixed” by a few visits to the therapists or the taking of medication. The road to recovery will be a long and arduous journey.
– Don’t pile on the guilt. On yourself or on the self-cutter.

Dealing with self-harm problems will need the cooperation of the entire family.  This will help each member understand the loved one’s condition and know how they can respond and relate with him.  Provo therapists can also help identify self-harm triggers to help the loved one manage these triggers.

With the help of an experienced therapist, a self-cutter can find his way towards healthy ways to cope with emotional pressure and to deal with difficult situations.

 

The challenge of parenthood is not in seeing the pregnancy through and ensuring a safe delivery for the baby. It’s what will happen afterward – raising the child and seeing him grow into an emotionally healthy and responsible adult, one who is self-disciplined and considerate of other people’s feelings. It may involve a lot of struggles, challenges and some hair-pulling. At times, you may even need to seek family counseling in Utah to help you gain more techniques on how to discipline your child.

Establishing a System of Discipline

One important element you need to establish as a parent is a system of discipline that includes:
– Setting rules on behavior and responsibility
– Providing for rewards for positive acts
– Imposing consequences for negative behavior

Providing consequences for a child’s actions teaches the child to be responsible for his choices and behavior, to prepare them to face the world on their own, as adults. Consequences may involve logical consequences (the logical result of his actions) or loss of privileges.

Here are some things to remember when creating and enforcing an “action and consequence” system for your child:
– Provide structure. Write down the rules and corresponding consequences. This way, you don’t easily fall into the trap of providing consequences based on your emotions. Make a list of offenses and consequences so that the child knows what to expect.
– The consequences are best related to the actions. For instance, if the child gets a low grade due to failure to turn in assignments, it may work better to restrict TV or internet access, rather than ordering him to clean the garage. The first is related and is even a natural consequence of the offense. Or, if the child throws a tantrum and flings his toys about, the consequence is for him to be required to clean up the mess he made. Sending your child to his room may not be as effective when he can simply watch TV or play with video games there.
– Have a reasonable set of consequences. If it does not pose a risk to the child’s safety, allow him to experience the natural consequence of his actions. For instance, if he does not take care of his toy and it gets broken, it means that he can’t enjoy that toy anymore. According to Utah counselors, don’t set out consequences you know are impossible or unreasonable. “You are banned from the phone forever.” is not a reasonable consequence and does not give the child the motivation and opportunity to redeem himself and do better. It should be restricted to a certain period. Also, unreasonable consequences will only breed anger and resentment in your child.
– Consequences should still be respectful of the child. Arguments still abound with regards to a dad who used his child’s Facebook account to show a video of him decrying his child’s action and shooting his child’s laptop. Publicly humiliating your child is a no-win solution.
– The consequence should be given close after the offense. If your child misbehaves, the consequence should be right after the act. Giving a consequence 3 months after the fact is not effective.
– Give consequences for good behavior, not just for bad. This will show your child that you don’t only notice bad behavior; rather, good behavior is also rewarded. This will give him something to reach for.
– The consequence should be age appropriate. Expecting your teen to ponder and change bad behavior after you have made him “face the wall” is largely ineffective. However, a teen will especially “feel” the consequence if it means restricted access to the Internet or the loss of privilege to go out with friends.
– Show consistency.Don’t selectively impose the rules. Your child should be able to know what to expect. Usually, your child will show some resistance when you introduce a new set of rules. However, when you show that you will impose it every time, it will send a message that you mean business. If you have difficulty applying the rules consistently, get the help of the people around you – teachers, other family members or your Provo counselor.
– Seek help. If your child has problems following the rules and may exhibit behavior that is dangerous to himself and to others, it may be time to go for family counseling in Provo. This is particularly important when there are signs of alcohol or substance abuse. A Utah substance abuse counselor can provide the guidance to help your child recover from substance abuse issues.

A friend had to go through the painful experience of watching his mother suffer the effects of colon cancer. The mother had cavalierly treated her health, didn’t go to the doctor to have her condition checked and the colon cancer was shown to be asymptomatic, so no serious treatment was made until it was too late. My friend saw his mother suffer from the cancer and die. As a result, he went to the other extreme – being too preoccupied with his health and convinced that he, too, will contract the same disease. Small aches and pains will drive him to demand a room in the hospital, even though his doctor has reassured him that he’s okay.

What is hypochondria?

Hypochondria is marked by an extreme preoccupation with one’s health. Simply put, it is an exaggerated health anxiety, despite the fact that thorough medical evaluation has ruled out any serious disease. The number of people suffering from hypochondria is difficult to pin, since people with hypochondria tend to go to their doctors instead of therapists in Provo or a mental healthcare practitioner. Nevertheless, approximately 1% of the American adult population has hypochondria.

According to Utah therapists, the preoccupation can be unhealthy due to the fact that it has already interfered with the person’s ability to lead a normal life. He is unable to deal with the needs of his family, relationships and work because his schedule is peppered with visits to the doctor or hospital stays.

Please take note that it is normal to worry and be concerned about one’s health, to learn to listen to your body and determine whether there are symptoms of a disease. However, a hypochondriac has taken this normal concern to an extreme.

Hypochondria can be marked by:
–    Physical “symptoms” include nausea, dizziness, numbness, fatigue, stomachaches, headaches, soreness of the body. Usually, the pains are subjective, something that cannot be absolutely quantified by lab tests, MRI and CAT scans.
–    Simple aches and pains, a cut, a cough, a runny nose or minor physical aberrations are seen to be serious diseases. (i.e. a stomach ache can be considered stomach cancer.) In some cases, even normal body functions (sweating, falling hair, bowel movements) can be seen as warning signs of a serious health condition.
–    The symptoms are sometimes vague (“My liver feels sore.” “My joints feel achy.”), sometimes specific.
–    Indulging in exploratory surgery or complicated diagnostic exams such as CAT scans or MRIs
–    The selected disease is usually something that is serious and life threatening.
–    The tendency to self-diagnose. When the disease of choice is ruled out by his doctor, he immediately researches the possibility that the symptoms can match another serious disease.
–    The tendency of research about perceived symptoms excessively.
–    Obsessively watching out for changes in the body to see whether there are problems or the problem has “worsened”.
–    Switching doctors frequently, especially if the previous doctors have already given him a clean bill of health and is not “listening to him”.
–    Talking about his illness and its symptoms to anyone who will listen.

Hypochondria can be debilitating and harmful to one’s health. There is a propensity to take medications without the doctor’s prescription or to abuse substances and drugs in an effort to alleviate the “symptoms”. The anxiety over getting seriously ill can also result in depression or other anxiety disorders. The unnecessary medical examinations, exploratory surgeries and medical procedures can also pose a serious threat to one’s health.

Hypochondria and the Internet

The access to ready information about symptoms and matching diseases has fueled more anxiety. This isn’t helped by the fact that minor ailments and major diseases can often share similar symptoms. If one continues searching for an illness that matches one’s perceived symptoms, chances are, he will find a serious illness he can get anxious about.

Treatment for hypochondria

Therapists in Utah can help with alleviating the symptoms and problematic behavior caused by hypochondria. Regular Provo counseling can help the patient come to an understanding that his symptoms are not caused by a physical disease, rather, it is a health anxiety problem. This understanding can help lessen the anxiety.

Hypochondria can be treated by Utah counselors with the help of cognitive-behavioral treatment. Those suffering from hypochondria can deal with it and overcome the anxiety about their health with the help of medications, therapy or counseling.

Drama queen. Diva. Recluse. Fanatically paranoid. Do any of these words describe you or anyone you know? That may point towards what is called a personality disorder.

Understanding personality disorder

Our personality makes us who we are. It outlines a pattern of beliefs, behaviors, feelings and thoughts that showcase our individuality as persons. In normal situations, our personality changes as we grow and mature. We learn how to better relate with people, express our feelings and opinions so that we can more effectively connect with people around us – loved ones, friends and colleagues. Our growth and maturity help us adapt to our situation and cope with life in general.

However, those with personality disorder have a distinct difficulty being flexible and changing and learning. Instead, the thought patterns, belief patterns and behavioral patterns are inflexible and deeply ingrained. They tend to hold tightly onto their beliefs and behaviors, plus their narrow view of society and the world.

As a result, they are less able to relate with the people around them and they find it more difficult to cope with everyday life. Those with personality disorder have difficulty maintaining relationships and may need the help of Utah counseling to become more self-aware and to grow and mature.

Those with personality disorder can be characterized by the following:
–    Impulsive outbursts of temper
–    Repeated and frequent mood swings
–    Difficulty controlling impulses, making him prone to substance or alcohol abuse
–    Seclusion from others or withdrawal from social situations
–    Difficulty bonding with others
–    Excessive suspicion of situations and other people

Utah counselors can point out to a number of personality disorders, which can be grouped into three major categories (odd or eccentric, emotional and impulsive, and suspicious or anxious):

Odd or Eccentric Personality Disorders
–  Paranoid Personality Disorder. Everything and everyone is treated with suspicion and mistrust. People close to them and around them are constantly seen as condescending, unfaithful, manipulative, threatening, deceitful or malicious. Because of their suspicion, they tend to be on their guard, hostile and emotionally withdrawn.
–  Schizoid Personality Disorder. Those with this personality disorder have difficulty forging relationships with those around them. Social relationships (as well as intimacy) tend to be seen as annoyances and are avoided at all costs. According to Provo counselors, schizoid personalities can be characterized as being distant, emotionally cold and withdrawn. They can be considered socially inept and can’t understand or grasp normal social cues.
–  Schizotypal Personality Disorder. These can be classified as “weird” or overly eccentric – in the way they dress, act or speak. They also miss normal social cues and don’t react as expected. Forging close relationships will be difficult as they have difficulty holding a conversation. They may also make use of “special powers” such as the ability to control other people’s actions, read their minds or see the future.

Emotional or Impulsive Personality Disorders
–  Narcissistic Personality Disorder. With these, it’s all “me, myself and I”. Those with narcissistic personality disorder are overly self-absorbed, selfish and have entitlement issues. They may also oscillate between feelings of grandeur (exaggerating one’s ability and attractiveness) and insecurity (feeling that others are not “admiring” enough”). They tend to get resentful and angry when people don’t toe the line with them.
–  Borderline Personality Disorder. They can be characterized by frequent mood swings, impulsive actions, behavioral instability and self-destructive behavior. Emotions can be intense and the world can be seen as “all bad” or “all good”. Persons with this personality disorder may be suicidal.
–  Antisocial Personality Disorder. These can be called the “renegades” – those who flout rules and tend to disregard social expectations. They take on a rebellious, impulsive and aggressive attitude. As such, they are prone towards shoplifting, stealing and substance abuse. They may need the help of a Utah substance abuse counselor. They have difficulty feeling remorse and may be a hazard to others and to themselves.
–  Histrionic Personality Disorder. There are the “Drama Queens”. They feel that all the attention should be directed to them or else they will get too emotional to get that attention. These are characterized by unstable moods, a deep dependence on the approval of others and the need to act or behave provocatively.

Suspicious or Anxious Personality Disorders
–  Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. These are very methodical and organized to the point of being extremely inflexible. They have difficulty adapting to changes in their situation as they always expect and strive towards perfection.
–  Avoidant Personality Disorder. Those with this personality disorder can be deemed social recluses – where they are so afraid of rejection that they try to withdraw from others at all costs. They have strong feelings of inferiority and shy away from social activities because they are worried that they will act in an embarrassing way in public. Even though they desire to forge relationships with others, they tend only to be close within circles they feel close to, particularly their family.
–  Dependent Personality Disorder. Those with this personality disorder are afraid of taking responsibility for their decisions and actions. They allow others to make key decisions for them. They are afraid of being alone and the end of a close relationship can mean disaster and devastation. Similarly, they are unable to function properly without other people’s help.

Therapy for Personality Disorders

Treatment for personality disorders can be provided by therapists in Provo. The treatment can be long and challenging, as the therapy aims to change behavioral and thought patterns that may be deeply rooted in a person. The therapy will usually be aimed towards being more aware about one’s behavior and emotions, as well as finding ways of dealing with and controlling them. Cognitive behavior therapy will teach one to challenge ideas and beliefs that are the root of the personality behavior. With help from therapy and with constant support, a person with personality behavior can emerge and live a full and abundant life.

They say that when a guy asks his wife the question, “What is wrong?” and the wife answers, “Nothing.”, it means that the guy is in big trouble. What’s worse is if the wife does not say anything at all. Instead, he gets the cold shoulder. The other partner acts as if he doesn’t exist.

The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is one of the weapons in the passive-aggressive arsenal. It is letting the other party know that you are angry or that something is wrong, without telling you why. The silent treatment can be seen as some form of emotional abuse. The person giving the silent treatment withholds something very basic – human interaction.

It is usually used for the following purpose:
–  To get attention. “You messed up, and I’m letting you know.”
–  To punish. “I’m not talking to you because you’re late for our date.”
–  To get one’s way. “I will pretend you’re not in the room for as long as you don’t agree with what I say.”
–  To teach a lesson. “I’m giving you the silent treatment so that next time, you will behave as you should.”

The problem with the silent treatment is that no communication is made, thus, the issues that caused the fight in the first place is not resolved properly. Stonewalling communication creates a situation where the spouses withdraw and distance themselves from each other. It results in feelings of anger, resentment and frustration – in a time when both spouses are most in need of each other’s support and love.

More than words. The silent treatment is more often than not, not too silent. It is often accompanied by negative body language – glares, some rolling of the eyes, and crying.

The silent treatment vs. the time out. Please don’t confuse the two – they are very much different. You can take a “time out” to cool down when an argument or a fight gets too heated. You can get out of an argument when you know that the anger will make the conversation degenerate into exchanging of insults that will be hard to take back after the fight. Taking a time out will give both you and your partner time to calm down so that you can communicate more effectively and resolve the issues involved. This is not the same thing with the silent treatment. The effort is not towards effective communication.

Breaking the habit

If you’re the one giving the silent treatment, it is high time to consider breaking this bad habit. Ask yourself, “Is it really working?” Try to delve deeply into the way you feel and make the effort to communicate this with your partner. You may need the help of Provo marriage counseling to enable you to be more forthcoming and expressive about the way you feel.

Responding to the “Cold War”

–  Respond with maturity.  If your spouse is giving you the silent treatment, resist the temptation to do the same. Attempt to talk it out with your spouse by letting him or her know that you’re ready and willing to listen and know what is wrong. During this time, continue to provide acts of love and affection, but make it clear that you will not accept this attitude.
–  Seek to understand. The doling out of the silent treatment stems from feelings of anger, fear or resentment. Try to reach out to your partner and come to an understanding of the reason for their behavior.
–  Ask if he or she needs a time out period. If your spouse is still unwilling to break the silent treatment, ask if he or she needs more time. Again, assure him or her that you’re there to listen when he or she is ready to talk.
–  Get help. While things have not yet flared up, it is good to discuss the possibility of getting Utah marriage counseling. This can help you identify negative behaviors that hinder instead of promote communication and understanding between you and your spouse. An effective Provo counseling session can help equip you and your spouse with effective tools for communicating without having to resort to the silent treatment.

When the silent treatment is a pervasive behavior and if your spouse is unwilling to go for Utah counseling, , you can still go for counseling to help you cope with the tension and stress your situation may bring to you. Counseling will be good for your own mental health.

A good and experienced Utah marriage counselor will be able to provide a “safe place” for you to process your feelings and to help prevent your partner from inflicting more emotional injury to you. Going for counseling will also send a message that you are serious about the situation and the need for it to change for the better.

Do you have a child that has a problem with inattention, hyperactivity and impulsiveness? Of course, these three attributes are natural in a child in “normal doses”. However, at the extreme and when the symptoms are seen for an extended period of time, this can point to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD.

For a child to be diagnosed with ADHD, he or she must show the symptoms in greater degree for an extended period of time (half a year or longer). Some of the symptoms include:
–    Difficulty in focusing on a single task so that he is rarely able to finish the task without prodding or constant supervision
–    Difficulty in sitting still
–    Difficulty in obeying instructions
–    Talks constantly or is in constant motion
–    Easily forgetting things and quickly switching from one task or activity to another
–    Easily bored
–    Easily distracted
–    Given to daydreaming
–    Moves slowly
–    Tendency to be very impetuous, impatient and impulsive
–    Acts without thinking about consequences
–    Tends to forget things, especially things needed to complete a certain task (homework, pencils, etc.)

A Parent’s Role

If you are a parent of a child with ADHD, there is no need to fret. A child with ADHD can still reach his or her full potential with your loving support and guidance. It may be a challenge and will require some hard work, but with the help of family counseling in Utah, you can start making steps towards helping your child overcome the challenges posed before him or her.

Here are some ways that can help:
–  Overcome negative feelings. You can consider going for Utah counseling to help deal with any frustration, guilt or anger that may exist, especially before the ADHD is diagnosed and parents and teachers are unsure about the reasons behind the child’s behavior. The whole family may have already been adversely affected so family counseling in Provo can help thresh out these negative feelings and help each family member come to terms with and positively handle the situation.
–  Equip yourself with knowledge. Educate yourself about ADHD so that you can better know how to relate to your child. A Utah counselor can equip you with positive attitudes and skills to help you effectively connect with your child and provide him with the guidance he needs
–  Develop rules and a rewards and punishment system. Establish simple and easy-to-follow rules, with consequences clearly spelled out. Be sure to consistently implement these rules. Remember to also use positive reinforcement such as privileges and activities. You can make use of charts to provide a reminder so your child can see how well he has been doing.
–  Get organized. Minimize the distractions your child has to contend with.

o  Keep everything in its place. Have containers for toys, school things and personal belongings. Keep his desk and work station clear.
o  Develop a routine and stick to it. This means having a consistent schedule – from the time your child wakes up to the time it’s time for him to go to bed. If there are to be changes, these need to be noted on the schedule as far in advance as possible. Have consistent yet simple rituals for everyday activities such as eating, taking a bath and doing homework.

–  Know your child. Discover what your child does best, what activities he enjoys. By finding out what your child’s interests and abilities, you can “catch” your child doing well so that you can have the opportunity to provide honest praise and positive feedback. It is also important to remember that a child with ADHD wants to accomplish tasks, wants to be able to listen and follow instructions, but he simply is unable to. He needs love and support, patience and compassion. Learn to recognize your child’s uniqueness and positive attributes. This will help you see your child’s potential and ability to grow, mature and succeed.
–  Divide tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces. If one task taxes your child’s attention, you can divide the tasks into smaller ones that your child can handle.
–  Encourage movement, rather than restrict it. A child with ADHD needs to move! So provide him with an outlet for his energy, instead of forcing him to “sit still”. Indulge in a sport that he enjoys – this sport should be something that keeps him in motion. Avoid sports that have long lag times.
–  Supervise your child’s diet. What your child eats can greatly affect his symptoms. Junk food and sweets can worsen the hyperactivity so be sure to stay away from these.
–  Manage your own stress. Ask your Provo counselor for stress-management tips. The situation can be demanding and physically taxing. You may have feelings of frustration, anger and subsequent guilt. You may even need to come into terms with the fact that your child has ADHD. When you are able to deal with your own stress, you can avoid blow-ups and can calmly respond to your child.

Parenting a child with ADHD can be a challenge but it can actually be rewarding as you see your child develop and grow to his full potential.