A Whitney Houston song goes, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”

This is rooted in the belief that developing and growing as an individual is intrinsic in maintaining a healthy relationship with others, most especially your spouse. Couples counseling in Provo will tell you that you need to develop your individuality to become “the other half”. You need to take care of your needs to be able to have the strength to do the same for your spouse.

Indeed, there is the challenge to be able to nurture your individual self, as well as the relationship. Now, how do you achieve this delicate balancing act? Overdo the quest for independence and you may find that you have distanced yourself from your spouse. On the other hand, if you ignore your needs and direct your attention only on your relationship, you may find that you have grown too dependent on the relationship to the point that you are perceived to be clingy and needy. To further complicate matters, there are other things to also consider. You also have to see to the needs of the children, as well as in-laws, bosses and friends. When problems crop up as you try to maintain this delicate balance, it may be necessary to consider going for family counseling in Provo to help you get equipped with effective tools for the couple and for the family.

How can a marriage (and one’s individuality) remain healthy in the midst of all these challenges? Here are some simple tips:

–  Find time both for yourself and your spouse. Schedule “me time” and “we time”. Give each other space to pursue personal interests that may not be shared by the spouse. This may be a night out with friends, indulging in a sport you enjoy or taking classes to learn something you enjoy doing. At the same time, you also need to pencil into your calendar, dates with your spouse where you can spend time nurturing your relationship and building your bond. According to Utah counselors, giving time for both individual pursuits and pursuits as a couple can help strengthen you and your relationship.
–  Work out your own personal space. Get into an understanding that each one is free to pursue his or her passion and that this personal space will be respected by the other spouse. For instance, while one spouse is pursuing her interest in the opera (which the other spouse is absolutely allergic to), the other spouse can go fishing (an interest the other spouse does not share). This is also an understanding that each one is entitled to his privacy. That means that you should resist the urge to pry and rummage into his belongings without his permission or approval.
–  Clarify your own needs and wants, as well as your spouse’s needs and wants. Then, you can both come up with a compromise that you can both accept. This can apply to financial decisions, and other aspects such as child rearing, home décor decisions and goals for the family.
–    Learn to appreciate each other’s individuality. Doing so will prevent you from being at odds with each other because of your intrinsic differences. Instead, you will learn to be grateful for differences you each have. It will also teach you to nurture the healthy individuality of your spouse, as well as yourself.
–    Support but “push” as well. Cheer your spouse on as he or she pursues his or her individual needs and desires. However, avoid the temptation to nag or do the work that he or she personally needs to do. You can help your spouse realize that you are there to support.
–    Learn to compromise cheerfully. Learn to give and take without feeling resentful if you don’t get your way at times. You may sometimes have to give way to your spouse’s needs at times. But you also have to expect your spouse to also give in at times to your own needs. Your Utah counselor can teach you both how to effectively compromise.

Utah marriage counseling can help you be more self-aware and at the same time, be more aware of the aspects of your marriage. As a result, you are stronger and more independent and you are more able to take care of the needs of your marriage.

What makes a marriage last? Although there are no cut-and-dried formulas to a happy, successful marriage, there are common characteristics that are found in happy unions, ones that stand the test of time.

Here are some ingredients that make for happy, lasting marriages:
–  Communication. The ingredient of communication is key to a successful union. No one is a mind reader and a spouse cannot expect his or her partner to know what is in his or her mind, what his or her needs and wants are. Communication leads to a deeper understanding of the other spouse. In that way, issues are resolved and expectations clarified. Sometimes, couples find it hard to effectively communicate because of past experiences and family background. It may take some couples counseling in Provo to get equipped with effective communication skills and to identify responses and actions that hinder communication.
–  Clear expectations on each other’s roles. Spouses often have clear expectations of the roles they play in the family. This applies to responsibilities in finances (Who pays for what? Will one spouse stay at home with the kids or will both spouses work?), child-rearing, household chores and dealing with in-laws. Conflicts can easily arise when one’s expectations in the relationship are not met by the other spouse (who may not have a clue about the expectations in the first place). Sometimes, Utah marriage counseling may be needed to help you establish clear role expectations for each spouse.
–  A friendship. Not only are they lovers but also friends, partners that have a deep-rooted friendship. This means that they can enjoy each other’s company, even without the sex or physical intimacy. As good friends, they remain loyal to each other. They refuse to accept attacks on their spouse; rather, they defend him or her. They are also able to be emotional intimate and open with their spouse – to show their trust for partner and be completely themselves when they are with him or her. As friends, they share and keep each other’s secrets.
–  Shared vision and goals. A healthy union tends to have shared visions and goals – as to which path they will take, what goals to pursue, what values to hold on to.
–  A sense of humor. The ability to laugh with each other even (or especially) during hard times is what can strengthen the bond that couples have, making them the soul mates they are meant to be. Shared laughter can build a relationship in a way that other experiences can’t.
–  Respect. A long-lasting couple recognizes and cherishes each other’s intrinsic worth as individuals. This means that the other partner is worth their time and effort, the partner is not someone to be taken for granted but given honor and special attention.  This also means respecting each other’s space, respecting healthy boundaries in the relationship and not forcing personality changes on your partner.
–  Physical intimacy. Happy couples feel the need for physical closeness. More than sexual intimacy, this also includes the need to touch and be touched. Couples with lasting marriages tend to desire to keep a physical connection – to hug, cuddle, kiss or hold hands. There are also clear expectations in the area of sex, considering the partner’s needs and preferences. Usually, married couples will have tacit or implicit agreements of sexual fidelity.
–  Humility. Long-lasting couples don’t let pride get in the way. They are ready to say sorry when they are wrong. They are ready to forgive when the other spouse apologizes. They are also able to accept loving and constructive criticism. They are also willing to grow together as a couple.
–  Know how to fight fairly. It is important to recognize that happy couples are not the ones that never fight – rather, they fight and argue, but do so fairly. This means no “below the belt” tactics such as name calling or using hurtful words. Rather, the two have an agreement to be willing to talk it out until the issue is resolved.
–  Willingness to make compromises. Happy couples know the art of give and take. It is not letting the other always get their way.
–  Willingness to ask for help. It is important to acknowledge that there may be challenges in a marriage that cannot be surmounted by just the couple. There may be the need to seek the help of Provo marriage counseling.

The challenge is to look into your marriage and commit to developing these characteristics. With the help and guidance of family counseling in Provo, a marriage can grow into a happy and long-lasting union. Utah counseling can help establish healthy relationships that can be the foundation of a happy, long-lasting marriage.

The show Fear Factor is about fighting your fears. In the show, you can see people leaping from tall buildings, grab unimaginable stuff (dead rats, pig intestines, etc) using your mouth, being enclosed in tight spaces and eating all manner of gross objects. The toughest and the fastest contestant wins the grand prize. And people do their best to get through the stunts and the tests for the prize, usually amounting to $50,000.

However, there are people who can’t face their fears even if you offered to pay them a million dollars. To a person with a phobia, the fear just debilitates.

More on Phobias

With a phobia, the fear is intense, persistent, excessive and often unfounded or illogical. Although fear is a natural (and healthy) defense mechanism that can warn us of dangers, those with a phobia have taken fear to a higher level. The fear they feel is often disproportionate to the actual situation and the danger it presents. The fear is often illogical because it is caused by things that will not happen, things that have happened already and can’t be changed or things that are insignificant and not truly dangerous.

There is a long list of things people have phobias with: spiders, rats, snakes, thunderstorms, riding in planes, heights, and the number thirteen. Sometimes the fear is about relating to other people in social situations. And the list goes on…

Here are some interesting phobia facts and figures:
–    Roughly 6 million Americans have a specific phobia while some 11 million suffer from generalize phobia such as social phobia or agoraphobia (fear of open spaces).
–    Females are more likely to develop a phobia than males.
–    Social phobia is one of the more common phobias, as well as fear of speaking in public and fear of death.

When a person with a phobia is exposed to the thing he or she fears, he can suffer from intense distress. Some symptoms may include:
–    Excessive sweating and shaking
–    Shortness of breath or the feeling of being choked
–    Nausea or dizziness
–    Breathing problems
–    Palpitations and chest pains
–    Fainting
–    Numbness
–    Heart palpitations resulting in panic attacks or heart attacks
–    Hot or cold flashes

The fear is debilitating in that it interferes with the person’s ability to live a normal life and perform day-to-day and work activities. For instance, a sales person cannot successfully do his duties when he is afraid of flying. Or, a person who is afraid of heights may simply refuse a position just because the office is situated at the top of a high rise. Another example would be a person who would prefer letting his teeth rot because he is afraid of going to the dentist.

Therapy for Phobias

Learning relaxation techniques. Being able to relax can help ward of anxiety that may be welling up as a result of exposure to your phobia. You can learn to breathe deeply to slow your heart rate down and minimize the adrenaline that aggravates the “fight or flight” mechanism in you.

If you suffer from a phobia, it is best to go to a Utah therapist earlier on. Over time, the phobia becomes more complex and debilitating because of extreme measures one performs in order to avoid the source of his fear.

Utah counselors can help those with a phobia to come to terms with their fears and be able to face them so that they eventually do not produce the same level of anxiety and panic in them. In fact, therapists in Utah consider specific phobia as highly treatable among the anxiety disorders. Usually, exposure therapy is utilized. With this, the patient is exposed to the thing he fears under controlled circumstances.

Provo counselors can provide ways for an individual to cope and process their situations. With constant visits to therapists in Provo, one can eventually unearth the underlying causes for the fear and learn how to deal with the cause themselves.

You have waited with joyful anticipation for the coming of your little one. You excitedly embarked on projects to welcome the baby. The nursery is all decorated and filled with the necessary equipment. You have bought the baby a complete wardrobe (and then some). And when that moment came, when you first saw your baby, you experienced such delight at finally holding him.

And then… comes the 3 a.m. feedings, the non-stop crying jags, the need to juggle your schedule around the baby. The sleepless nights, lack of sex and overall fatigue takes a toll on you and your spouse. Your relationship feels strained. You can say goodbye to spontaneous dates, to quiet evenings by the fire, to sleeping in. Yes, a baby is a gift and a blessing, but you must also prepare for the challenges of being a parent and a spouse.

The mother may feel resentful that they take the role of the primary caretaker and feel that the husband has more freedom and more opportunities to rest and relax. This resentment may also be exacerbated by the feeling that as primary caretaker, they assume more “difficult” roles with the baby – breastfeeding, bathing, changing the diapers while the father gets to simply enjoy and play with the baby.

Meanwhile, the father can feel left out of the excitement and this can also lead to feelings of resentment. Commonly, it is the mother who gets the supports from loved ones and friends.  The busyness of taking care of baby’s needs may also result in a feeling of disconnection between the husband and wife. If the wife is the primary caregiver, the husband may also feel guilty about feelings of jealousy that crop up as a result of the wife spending more time with the baby.

So, how do you manage your relationship and maintain your connection with your spouse even as you take care of your baby?
–    Establish your bond before the birth. If your marriage is already rocky prior to the baby’s birth, it would be good to consider getting Utah marriage counseling. You see, if there are problems with the marriage even before the arrival of the baby, the stress of caring for the baby may add another strain and your marriage bond may start to unravel. Provo counseling can help strengthen your marriage and prepare it for this challenge.
–    Establish a relationship that is couple-centered, not baby-centered. Arranging your relationship around your children will only set you up for a never-ending round of meeting their needs while ignoring you and your spouse’s needs. Remember, the best gift you can give to your children is for you to love your spouse.
–    Don’t be Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. In caring for your baby, have realistic expectations about what you or your spouse can and should do. Your house does not have to be immaculate and you don’t have to eat off the kitchen floor. Having unrealistic expectations about your housekeeping skills coupled with caring for the baby may just be too much. The same goes with being a parent to your child. Compulsive parenting (or that desire to do things or parent in a certain way, to be the “supermom” or “superdad”) will cause strain on your relationship with your spouse.
–    Strive for balance. Of course, the demands of a crying baby will be more urgent that you find little time to take care of yourself and your spouse. However, strive for balance by hiring a sitter or asking mom to watch the baby while you go out for a quick date with your spouse. Make sure you also get enough rest – catch a nap while your baby is sleeping, cuddle with your spouse during this time of quiet.
–    Get what help you can. If loved ones and friends offer a helping hand, gratefully accept. You don’t have to go at it alone. If you also struggle with negative feelings about the baby, you can also consider going to Utah therapists for help in coping with the stress you may be feeling.
–    Keep communicating. Provo marriage counseling can help equip you with positive communications skills so that you can openly discuss your own reactions and feelings about the baby, the changing needs of the family and discuss your changing set of expectations. Be open about your fears about being a parent, how chores can be divided between you and your spouse, what you need and expect from him or her at this time. Make sure to set aside time to touch base every day.

One good reminder about the roller coaster ride of parenting is the mantra, “This, too, shall pass.” Our little helpless bundles of joy will eventually grow up to become independent adults. Thus, it is important to remember to also strengthen your bond as a couple, even at a time when you seem to have your hands full with the baby. To get more help with this, you can also go for couples counseling in Utah.

What happens to Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt after the last scene in “As Good as It Gets”? Jack Nicholson’s unforgettable line in that movie where he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder is “You make me want to be a better man.” It will be interesting to see how the characters played by Nicholson and Hunt live the “happily ever after”, knowing that one spouse has OCD.

What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

Also called OCD, this is an uncontrollable urge to perform rituals (opening and shutting the door three times in a row, avoiding cracks in the sidewalk, washing in very hot water and only using a new bar of soap). These rituals are performed with the hope of warding obsessive thoughts. For one who has OCD, not performing the rituals gives a feeling of impending doom and anxiety. According to Provo therapists, the rituals are his or her way of coping with the anxiety that may creep up.

OCD can sometimes rule a person’s life. The need to perform the rituals can prevent one to live normally. It affects his or her work, relationships and health. About 2% of the population (or 5 million Americans) between 18 to 54 years old has OCD, which usually has its onset during the teenage years.

OCD and Marriage

OCD does not only affect the person who has it, but also the people around him or her, particularly his or her loved ones. The struggle with OCD becomes even complicated with a relationship. There is pressure to “want to be a better man”, and it also takes patience (and the help of therapists Utah) for the partner to help the spouse with OCD deal with his or her condition.

Living with OCD at the sidelights can lead to conflicts between the spouses. Arguments and tension can crop up due to the one spouse’s behavior. And this, in turn, makes the symptoms of OCD even worse. There is also the temptation for the other spouse to overcompensate for the spouse with OCD by helping him or her perform his rituals or allowing the rituals to dominate their lives. This is also an unhealthy way of dealing with the OCD.

Don’t agree to “help” him with his rituals. At least, not for all the rituals. You can provide support by making him or her choose the one ritual you can help him or her with, but not for the other rituals he has. Before starting this, though, you should get Utah marriage counseling.

Provide support but eliminate rituals slowly. For the spouse without OCD, it will be helpful to start eliminating ritualistic behavior. Begin with the things that feel the least scary for him. Once you have successfully eliminated these, you can work your way to the other ritualistic behaviors. Encourage the spouse with OCD to make use of his or her willpower to stop doing one ritual, but still be able to do other compulsive behaviors (at least, for this time). It is important to also have Provo counseling while you are working to eliminate the rituals.

Be open. Especially for the one with OCD, it is important for the spouses to have a deeper understanding of their feelings. Don’t be afraid to tell your spouse how you feel.

Provide understanding. Make the spouse with OCD understand that you are there to support him or her and that you know how hard it is for him or her.

Therapists in Provo make use of cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with OCD. Utah marriage counseling can benefit by getting support for the OCD symptoms, as well counseling to improve the relationship in general.

You anxiously wait for the results. With crossed fingers, you finally dare to take a peek… and heave a sigh of disappointment. It’s negative – just like the other times.

When a couple tries to get pregnant, the hopeful expectations develop into alarm when the “acceptable waiting period” has long since passed and the date with the stork is not forthcoming. They start dreading family and friends who keep asking, “So, when are you having a baby?” The couple decides to seek medical intervention. When the diagnosis points towards infertility, the two spouses may decide to go for infertility treatment. When this happens, it is best to also go for Provo marriage counseling to help deal with the challenges of the situation.

Infertility, Treatments, and its Effect on a Marriage

A baby is a blessing to a loving family. However, not all couples are blessed thusly. Some couples have to face infertility. On top of the medical challenges, infertility treatments can prove to be an emotional roller coaster ride. Without the necessary coping mechanisms and assistance coming from Utah marriage counseling, this struggle to have a baby produces a lot of stress between the two spouses.

Emotional pressure and stress. The treatments are truly stressful for both the husband and wife. As the menstrual period makes its appearance, both spouses experience disappointment after a period of anticipation. This cycle (treatments, anticipation, letdown) takes a huge toll on the couple’s emotions. The couple may also have feelings of loss (for the family they dreamed of), jealousy at other couples and shame (where the inability to bear a child makes the husband feel less like a man and the wife less like a woman).

Sexual tension. With the pre-occupation towards getting pregnant, sex no longer becomes a pleasure, but rather ruled by schedules. At this point, the wife may become demanding and insist that the husband be available and “able to perform” during the time she is ovulating. In turn, the husband, feeling the pressure, may have problems having an erection or maintaining it. There is resentment on the part of the wife (for the husband’s failure to help with the conception) and the husband (for the wife’s expecting command performances from him). There are also feelings of anxiety and disappointment. Thus, the vicious cycle continues.

Financial stress. Infertility treatments cost an arm and a leg. Sometimes, financial worries and disagreements over the treatments can also be a source for conflict such as how long the couple is going for infertility treatments and how much to spend.

Physical challenges. For the woman, infertility treatments are not just uncomfortable. They can be quite painful. The fluctuations in hormones caused by the medications can also result in moodiness and can heighten the stress and disappointment.

Now, what can you do to cope? Here are some things you and your spouse can do:
– Shift the focus from ovulation periods and basal thermometers. It will be helpful for couples (especially for women) to move attention away from menstrual cycles and make sex about intimacy. Procreation, after all, is just one of the aspects of sexual contact. Have fun with your spouse!
– Agree on infertility treatments. Both you and your spouse should agree on the length of time for the infertility treatments and when it is time to stop. You should also agree about alternatives in case the treatments don’t work. For instance, you can explore the prospect of adoption.
– Spend time together “baby-free”. Relate with your spouse without “conception” and “pregnancy” floating over your heads. Schedule nights out, weekend getaways and special dates without discussing how you can get pregnant.
– Seek help. It will help to get couples counseling in Utah to strengthen your husband and wife relationship. Remember, you don’t just need to prepare yourselves physically for parenthood. You also need to have a strong relationship to provide a baby with a loving family environment. During marriage counseling in Utah, be honest about your feelings and thoughts.

The pressure brought about by infertility may shake the foundations of a marriage so that it reaches breaking point. Don’t wait until the cracks have become so huge that family counseling in Utah comes too little, too late. Talk with your spouse and talk with your therapist. This will help you come out stronger as a couple.

A song by Weird Al Yankovic has this tongue-in-cheek take on Passive-Aggressive behavior:

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You’re still the light of my life
Oh darling, I’m begging, won’t you put down that knife

You know, I even think it’s kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft

Oh, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer
Sometimes I get to thinking you don’t love me anymore

Exaggerated as this song may be, sometimes couples are guilty of some degree passive-aggressive behavior. On the surface, things are “okay” when they are actually not. And to express that there is something wrong, we behave in a way that tries to send the message indirectly, act in such a way as to punish our spouse or show our disapproval.

Being passive-aggressive is one way of communicating. However, this kind of “communication” is can be considered dishonest. We deny that we are angry and pretend that everything is just the way we want it when they are actually not.  For instance, a spouse who doesn’t want to clean up the garage will put that undesired task indefinitely. Or, complain and sullenly complete the task. Or, when asked to go for Provo marriage counseling, a spouse will make up excuses to delay the visit or always be late for the appointments.

According to Provo marriage counselors, passive-aggressive behavior is not healthy for a marriage. The first step towards more open and honest communications between you and your spouse is to identify some passive-aggressive behaviors you or your spouse may be doing. With an increased awareness of these behaviors, you can already make efforts towards avoiding the said behavior.

Here are some characters that show passive aggressiveness:

The Turtle. Like the turtle, instead of engaging in dialogue about what’s wrong or what the problem is, this kind of behavior will withdraw from the situation and the argument. Whenever you open up a discussion, this spouse will respond with “whatever” or leave the argument outright. The result is that the issue is not threshed out and there is no real communication.

The Denial King. As they say, “Denial is not just a river in Egypt.” Persons who fall under this type of behavior will say, “No problem. I’m not angry. Do whatever you want. I’m fine with it.” But their behaviors belie their smiles and assurances that “it’s ok”. This type of behavior masks the true feelings of anger so that they don’t rock the boat.

The Saboteur.  This behavior will agree and actually do the things he or she does not like, but will do it improperly so as to irritate the person who asked him or her to do it. The act of doing it postpones an argument or disagreement but also results in anger on the part of the person who initiated the task. Another way to try act like the Saboteur is to make the other person wait a long time before a task is done.

The Hasta Mañana Specialist. This behavior will try to put off doing a task even though he or she has already verbally agreed to do it. Another version of this will be to conveniently “forget” the task until it exasperates the other spouse.

The Victim. Instead of accepting responsibility for something or for an action, this type of passive-aggressive behavior will feel that you are unfairly on his or her case. He or she is a victim of unfair treatment. The other spouse is the one who has very high and unreasonable expectations.

Looking at the behaviors, you can see that a marriage can suffer from a lack of communication, an overflow of unexpressed anger and no healthy interactions to solve a certain issue. Now, what can you do to ward off passive-aggressive behavior? Here are some simple steps:
– Remove ambiguity. Be clear and specific so as to avoid misunderstandings or any room for someone to “misinterpret” what you said. Doing so will minimize the potential for conflict.
– Be aware of your behaviors and responses. If you have a spouse who has a tendency to act passive-aggressively, or if you tend to act the same way yourself, be more observant of your own behaviors and reactions. This can be a start of your exploring the patterns that are unhealthy for the relationship/
– Be realistic. Don’t expect too much than what your spouse can give or do willingly. Measure the extent by which he or she will change realistically and work from there.
– Help your spouse accept responsibility for the behavior. It is tempting to shield your spouse from your unhappy feelings (and thus be tempted to be passive-aggressive yourself). However, this will not help your relationship. Using “I” statements rather than “You” statements, tell your spouse how his or her behavior affects those around him or her. Do not let your spouse give excuses for this kind of behavior. When doing this, though, remember that you are pointing out his or her wrong behavior, not attack him or her as a person.
– Fight fair. Avoid trash talking. If things get too hot or off track, you can agree to have a cool down period before you resume your discussion.

These are just simple things you can do. However, it is still recommended that both of you go for Utah marriage counseling to help you be more aware of some passive-aggressive behaviors you may (consciously or unconsciously) be practicing. With the help of an experienced Utah marriage counselor, you can explore the reasons behind the passive-aggressiveness and find ways to resolve these issues.

You can be equipped with a number of communications and coping tools from couples counseling in Utah. With these, you and your spouse can start making headway towards positive communication and away from passive-aggressive behaviors.

Do you often hear this in your home?
Parent 1: “Why did you allow Matt to go out with his friends when his homework is not yet finished?”
Parent 2: “He’ll finish it when he comes back. Why are you always so strict? Give the kid a break!”

Parent 1: “What were you thinking? Why did you give our child such as expensive gift?”
Parent 2: “Well, I want our child to enjoy the finer things in life.”

Parent 1: “Sharon broke a friend’s mobile phone. She’s grounded.”
Parent 2: “I think we should let Sharon earn the money to replace her friend’s phone.”

Different Strokes for Different Folks

More often than not, parents have different parenting styles and this difference creates conflict, not just between the two spouses, but in their children as well. We must remember that parenting styles are an extension of your personality and upbringing. And because we are each our own person with our distinct personalities, we also handle situations with our kids differently. When one is cool-headed and relaxed, the other may all too quickly fly off the handle. When one is more permissive (“enjoy yourself, do what you feel is fine”), the other parent may be more authoritarian (“Do it because I said so.”) When one yearns for structures and schedules, the other tends to go with the flow and be more laidback.

It is important for parents to remember that the overall goal is to be able to raise children to be strong, happy and responsible adults. Parenting, after all, is a partnership between the father and mother.  However, this is often not the case. When parents disagree about how the children will be raised, this can result to:
– Giving the children a weakness to exploit. Children, seeing the conflict between you, can pit you against each other. Did the mother say “no” with regards to a certain rule? Why not ask dad and see if he says “yes”?
– Confusing the children. If there are different parenting styles, children tend to end up confused with regards to rules and standards of behavior. How do we behave when mom thinks it’s okay but dad gets angry if we act a certain way?
– Forcing children to take sides. This is a responsibility that is too heavy for a child to bear. A child should not be made to take sides (and subsequently feel guilty) because of the parents’ conflicting parenting styles. Also, constant conflicts with parenting styles result in the child choosing one parent over the other, based on the parenting style they feel works in their best interest at the moment. Utilizing the “good cop/bad cop” routine in parenting only creates confusion and guilt in the child.
– Contributing to a child’s depression. A child may feel depressed and stressed out due to the child’s guilt feelings or confusion. The child may need to have family counseling in Provo to help him deal with these feelings of depression

Thus, it is important for two parents to come together and discuss how they will parent their child.
Here are some things that parents can do to help unify their parenting styles:
– Explore your own parenting style. It helps to be more self-aware about how we parent. Start by looking at these key areas:
o   How you express your love and affection. Do you do it using words? Or do you tend to lavish your kids with hugs and kisses? Or, do you say how you feel through extravagant gifts?
o   How you play your role as caretaker and nurturer. Are you uninvolved? Or are you too involved?
o   How you make decisions.
o   How you exercise discipline.

Being more aware of your parenting style will help you adjust this style when adjustments are warranted.
– Agree on strategies and core values. Discuss with your spouse the set of values you want your child to have. Ask yourself and your spouse:”What is my child’s best interest and what is the best parenting style to achieve that?”
– Recognize the best in each other. Each parent has his or her own areas of strength. And this area of strength can benefit your child. Recognizing what each parent can bring to the table can help create a spirit of cooperation between you and your spouse.
– Point out areas of conflict in parenting. Identify the areas in which your parenting styles clash and decide on what the best style and strategy would apply for that situation.
– Don’t undermine each other’s authority. Argue and discuss if you must, but do this out of child’s sight and out of earshot. Arguing in front of your child is costly, as your child ends up devaluing one parent over another. Also, avoid countermanding or going against your spouse’s decision. Rather than telling your child that you’re canceling your spouse’s decision to ground your child, you can discuss between yourselves and again come up with a unified decision you can apply when the same situation comes up. By presenting a united front for your child, you avoid confusing your child and make your standards of behavior clearer for your child.
– Ask for help. Sometimes it takes Utah counseling to help thresh things out between you and your spouse with regards to developing a unified parenting style. It is good to get seasoned Utah counselors, as their experience will help provide you with valuable insights.

Provo counselors will help provide you and your spouse with parenting and communicating tools that can help you establish your unified parenting style. Therapists in Provo can help you become more self-aware of your own parenting style and help you as a couple to draft your own strategies with regards to parenting styles.

Are you or someone you know be considered terminally shy? Would you rather play the wallflower than the life of the party? Do you get more than butterflies in the stomach when you are about to give a speech in public? Being a little jittery about your public appearance or performance is normal, but when it comes to a point when you worry about it for days and the thought of making your speech makes you sick, it may not be just plain shyness. It may be social anxiety disorder or social phobia.

What is social phobia?

Social anxiety disorder is an intense fear of social interaction or social situations. It can be a specific social situation or social situations in general.  It can come when one is standing before a crowd, mingling with other people at a party or other social situations.

There is this desire to interact with other people, but fear surmounts this desire. The fear may be rooted in anxiety about being humiliated, embarrassed or judged and found wanting. The very thought of that social event can cause enough anxiety to make one physically sick.

Symptoms can include:
– profuse sweating, clammy hands, trembling (hands and voice)
– dizziness or feeling faint
– nausea or upset stomach
– shortness of breath
– Being over self-conscious
– Worrying about a prospective social event
– Worrying that others will notice one’s nervousness

Even though the person is conscious that the physical reactions are illogical and exaggerated, he can’t help the way he feels. As a result, someone with social phobia would go to great lengths just to avoid any social situation. He would much rather stay in the background, or, if he really needs to attend a social function, he will need to take someone along to provide support.

And this is something that is not uncommon in the country. Over 10% of the population can be considered as having social anxiety disorder at some point of their life, with slightly more males suffering from the disorder as compared to females. The shyness may already be having a strong impact in their lives – especially if the person finds it hard to go for job interviews and interact with other people. A person with social phobia can get Provo counseling to put a stop to the fear and how it negatively affects his ability to live a normal life.

The good news is that one can learn to overcome social anxiety disorder and start enjoying the company of others and coming out of one’s shell. Aside from coming for Utah counseling, one can also:
– Be aware of triggers. To manage the phobia, it is good to start recognizing events or situations that trigger the phobia and get advice from Utah counselors for ways to cope with these situations. These triggers include:
o   Being called to speak in public
o   Having other people’s attention focused on you (like being asked to go to the board in class, speaking during a meeting and so on)
o   Mingling at parties
o   Introducing yourself to new people
o   Performing for an audience
o   Eating out at restaurants
– Practice calming and relaxation techniques. When you are nervous, the tendency is to hyperventilate. As you lose control of your breath, you start palpitating, your muscles harden, you get all choked up and dizzy. Learn to take deep calming breaths so as to alleviate the symptoms.
– Question negative attitudes and thoughts. Sometimes the fear is triggered by one’s negative imagination. You start thinking negatively and you see all the possible bad things that can happen. Such thoughts can be debilitating. Based on the advice of Provo counselors, you can counter the onset of your fear by challenging the negative thoughts. Ask, “What’s the probability of that actually happening?”, “Will people really laugh at me even when I get nervous?” “Will the situation really be disastrous?” One way to help counter negative thoughts is to observe what other people are actually saying and doing, rather than your negative thoughts.
– Rather than dwell on the negative, think of the positive. Think of what you stand to gain by doing what you feared. Imagine your act as going one step closer to your goals – getting that job promotion, being able to improve your social life, or doing well in class.
– Instead of avoiding what you fear, face them. The more you avoid what you fear, in this case, social interaction, the more you become fearful of them. Facing what you fear is your definitive step to breaking the cycle. Of course, you cannot expect to face your biggest fears right off the bat. Start with baby steps and take on more challenges as you grow in confidence.

These are just some things you can do to conquer your fears. However, there are times when you need to go to of Provo therapists to become equipped with more techniques to cope and finally overcome your social phobia. Your fears may seem insurmountable, but one can climb the top of the highest mountain with patience, determination and a lot of help.

“I’m so fat. I hate myself.”
“I want to be taller. What can I do to improve my height.”
“I look too puny. How will I develop my muscles?”
“I hate my freckles.”
“I need a tan.”

Teenagers face a lot of pressure with regards to their appearance. Coupled with the desire to fit in with one’s peer group, to look “hot”, there is added pressure coming from the media, which has perpetuated a certain body image. Pop stars and models sport form-fitting clothes. Sports figures and Hollywood hunks with six-pack abs and big muscles. Your teen looks at these images and then looks at himself in the mirror and does not like what he sees. There is a tendency to be more self-critical, to see something as less than everyone else sees.

Studies indicates that around 90% of female teens are dissatisfied with their bodies and that their physical appearance ranks high among their major concerns in life. And issues on body image start early – girls as young as 9 years old said that they didn’t like how their bodies are shaped. And as teens become more dissatisfied with their bodies, teens may resort to dangerous dieting practices and develop bulimia, compulsive eating or anorexia. This may give rise to a whole list of other problems – physically, emotionally and psychologically. It may need some kind of intervention such as Utah substance abuse counselor.

As parents, how can we help our children love who they are and glory in their own unique personality and appearance? The key is to help your child build a healthy sense of self-esteem, to help him see his worth as he is. Here are some ways concerned parents can help:
– Teach your child to love who she is. If you make your child feel valued and loved, she will also value and love herself.
– Create a haven for your child. Peers, friends and even other people may, consciously or unconsciously, give hostile messages to our children. There may be comments not just about one’s body shape, but also one’s face, complexion and weight. Make your home a place where your child will feel safe from criticism with regards to his appearance. Recognize your child’s strengths and find opportunities to provide positive comments about these.
– Provide role models. Find examples of men and women who have achieved success because of what they did, not how they looked like.
– Eat together. Make it a point to have meals together at least once a day, where there are no distractions such as TV. Rather, make family dinner times a pleasant time where you can talk about how your day went. Don’t make dinner time your platform to discuss body image issues, either.
– Set a good example. Sometimes, we may not be aware that we ourselves are contributing to their poor body image by having poor body image ourselves. When we constantly complain about our appearance and our weight, this pre-occupation will also be our teen’s pre-occupation. Eat healthy meals and exercise regularly (not mainly to look thin but to stay healthy).
– Be conscious of statements and actions. Again, we can do a lot to encourage or discourage our child and how he sees himself. Be aware of statements such as “You shouldn’t have that dessert, dear. It could go straight to your already bulging stomach.” Also, there may be different messages we send to boys and girls. To boys, we say that it’s okay and even healthy for them to eat more while with girls, we unconsciously send the message that they should eat less. Being more aware of your statements will help you hold your tongue when you know that what you are about to say can be taken as criticism against how they look.
– Supervise his meals. Make sure that there are a lot of healthy meals and snacks available in your home.
– Teach your teen to be more critical about what he sees in the media. Help your teen see that the images presented on TV and magazines are not true reflections of reality. It will be beneficial to realize that most images are part of a marketing strategy to encourage people to buy products.
– Get help. Your teen may need Utah counseling to help him cope with poor body image issues and peer pressure. Utah therapists can help the teen become more self-aware and see his or her special abilities and talents.

Sometimes, it takes the whole family to go for family counseling in Utah to help the family be more proactive and each have healthy self-images. With the help of Utah counseling, your family can learn have wholesome attitudes about their bodies.