Marriage is a vow to be there for your spouse “for better or for worse”. The “worse” part could include the loss of a parent, a child or a friend orlost opportunities (going through menopause or being fired from one’s job). The grief can also be about aging, children leaving the home to establish their own homes, or the bad news of a parent’s terminal illness. It can be a grief that both spouses experience or it can be something that only one spouse is going through. The grief can result in the grieving person feeling distressed, angry and bitter, guilty, isolated, fearful and lonely.

When a spouse is in a season of grieving, the other spouse needs to know how to deal with the process. The loss can cause a negative impact in your marriage or it can show how a couple express their love for each other at one of the worst points in their lives. It can bring the spouses closer to each other. Being there for your spouse can mean letting him or her “do stuff”, doing things with him or her or simply listening. However, according to Utah marriage counseling, mishandling how we help our spouse through the grieving process can lead to them becoming emotionally distant from us.

Recognize the necessity for grief. We should recognize that for one to heal from a loss, grief is an essential part of the process. So when a spouse is grieving, we should not prevent him or her from doing so.

Recognize that people grieve in different ways. Your grieving process will most likely be different from your spouse’s. If you both are grieving, you can’t expect your spouse to grieve in the same way as you do. You may need the advice of Provo therapist to understand your spouse’s grieving process. There are people who grieve by doing physical things such as running, indulging in a hobby or playing. There are also others that are grieve more verbally, who feel the need to share feelings and discuss the loss. Showing respect and continuing to be there in ways that matter will help you and your spouse remain connected at this time of grief.

Learn more about grief. Even if grief is normal, you also need to be watchful about signs of depression and how you can help. Couples counseling in Utah can provide with you with the insights about your spouse’s grief and whether it is going over to the side of depression. That said, it is also important to note that grief does not have any deadlines. You can’t come to your spouse and say, “That is enough time, you should be done grieving.” Give your spouse the time he or she needs to grieve.

Be patient. Strap yourself in and get ready for an emotional roller coaster ride. Especially when grief is still raw, anything can set tears and grief off – a song, a certain kind of food, an event. There may be days that the person grieving is feeling “okay” and days when he or she feels down in the dumps. Don’t pressure your spouse to “be strong”. It is also important to understand your spouse’s disinterest in sexual intimacy as grief can minimize the desire for sexual or intimate contact.

It can be beneficial to go for family counseling in Utah to help you as a couple or even the whole family to work through the grief. Don’t afraid to accept the support of others. You can also think about joining a support group. Provo marriage counseling can provide you with resources for your and your spouse’s grief.

Let’s start off by acknowledging that fights between spouses are normal. When two people live and relate to each other in the closeness of marriage, they are bound to get into a disagreement. What is important is how they fight and what the couple does after the fight.

The heat of an argument can result in raised voices, unfair accusations and hurtful words. During that time, you may get mad at your spouse. However, after the argument is over, what do you do? Do you kiss and make up? Do you apologize if ever you resorted into unfair fighting practices? When two spouses are able to reconcile and talk about the matter more calmly after the storm has passed, it is a good sign of the strength of a marriage. It shows that despite the anger you felt during the argument, it doesn’t take away the love.

When a couple is able to talk it out after a fight, that very fight can become a learning experience for the couple. First, it teaches the couple to communicate in order to resolve conflict. Second, it enables the couple to explore the ways by which the issue can be properly resolved whenever it comes up in the future. You can also get into an agreement about how you can fight fairly and how you can avoid fighting unfairly whenever you get into a spat.

Talking, reconciling and resolving the issues calmly are ideal behaviors for a couple, according to Utah marriage counselors. However, not all couples behave this way. There are some negative behaviors that a couple can resort to after a fight. Sadly, though, these behaviors are destructive and can wreak more damage on the marriage.

Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressive behaviors make a pretense that everything is okay while doing things that say otherwise. For instance, after a fight, one spouse could do the task being argued about but do it so badly that it irritates the other spouse. Or, after an argument, one tries to make it hard for the other person to complete something. Passive-aggressive behavior is rooted in anger which is suppressed and unexpressed. The spouse who tends to behave passive-aggressively may need the help of family counseling in Provo to fight against the temptation of acting that way.

Ignoring the other spouse. Giving the other spouse the silent treatment is another negative behavior after the fight. It is one way to punish or wreak revenge on the other spouse – albeit in an immature and manipulative way. It sends out the message, “Since you did not give in to what I want, I will withhold pretend that I don’t see you, that you don’t even exist.” It is manipulative since the silent treatment attempts to get what the spouse wants. Also, giving your spouse the silent treatment means there was no dialogue between you, your spouse does not fully understand what he or she did wrong. Thus, there is no understanding as to how the situation can be rectified.

Delivering ultimatums. Threatening divorce every time you get into an argument is not helpful, especially if your spouse knows that you don’t really plan to go through with it. It’s a lose-lose proposition. If your spouse recognizes that you’re not serious with your threat, he or she won’t take you seriously. If he or she does comply due to your threats, your spouse will do it but resent it because you are forcing his or her hand.

Keeping tabs on your hurt feelings. Love, as the Bible describes it, keeps no record of wrongs. However, there are people who simply can’t get over the hurt and holds on to the anger (and to the hurt caused by the actions of the other spouse). Past hurts are brought up and rehashed. Over time, the grudges and resentments grow. When left unattended and without the help of  couples counseling in Utah, refusing to grant complete forgiveness to a spouse can wreak serious damage to the relationship.

Learning from Fights

Fights are opportunities to learn more about yourself and your spouse. Nothing brings out the worst out of us than that kind of tension. But it is also how you can learn and grow by discovering positive ways to react when you and your partner disagree. Provo marriage counseling can provide you an increased awareness of you and your spouse’s reactions.

Utah marriage counseling can equip you with essential communication skills so that you can effectively resolve conflicts. This includes learning to recognize the negative behaviors you do during and after a fight. It is particularly tempting to indulge in these behaviors but it is important to recognize that these won’t do your marriage any good.

Every kid is a “rad” kid. By rad, we mean special and precious. From the first time that a parent sees his or her child, a special attachment is formed, a bond of love. This bond is important as it also defines how a child builds bonds and relationships with the rest of the world. However, there are some instances when a child is unable to form these bonds – the child may have RAD or reactive attachment disorder.

Attachment disorder: An Overview

An attachment disorder is marked by an inability to form meaningful and lasting relationships or even express affection towards others. It may be rooted in events during a person’s early childhood. This may include:
– Being a child of an unwanted pregnancy
– Experiencing chronic pain resulting from medical problems
– Neglect from a caregiver (when a parent is chronically depressed, the child is moved from one caregiver to another, when a child’s cries and needs are ignored)
– Being a victim of child abuse

As a result, a child with attachment disorder exhibits a lack of trust on others. There is also a need to be in control since the child learns that there is no one to depend on but him. The child may also have issues with anger and demonstrations of affection.

Admittedly, it is hard to parent or take care of a child with attachment disorder when your efforts are met with indifference or resistance. But with love, patience and some family counseling in Provo, you are able to manage this condition. And the earlier you start with your efforts, the better. Dealing with a child with attachment disorder will prevent more serious problems in the future.

Here are some tips to help you parent a child with attachment disorder:
– Be patient, calm and firm with your child. This indicates to the child that you can be trusted and that he is safe in the care of his parents. This is particularly true when the child starts misbehaving. Be calm and matter of fact to demonstrate that emotions and feelings can be managed and controlled.
– Be realistic. Managing (and overcoming) the problems brought about by an attachment disorder will take time and much patience. Thus, it is helpful that you have realistic expectations. You can’t rush the journey towards wholeness for your child and the rest of the family.
– Build a family environment that feels safe, relaxed and joyful.
– Manage your stress. Parenting a child with attachment disorder is especially challenging. That is why you need to learn how to manage and cope with stress. This can be done by getting enough rest, feeding yourself with the right kinds of food and taking some time away to recharge and unwind.
– Lean on family and friends for support. Don’t go through the ordeal alone. There are family members and friends who can help you build the ideal family environment for your child.
– Get professional help, when necessary. You may need to go into Utah family therapy to help all the family members to know what to do to provide your child with the care and love he needs.
– Set up rules, expectations and boundaries. A child with attachment disorder has issues about feelings of safety. This can be done by providing clear and reasonable expectations for the child to fulfill. These rules of behavior help to make a child feel more secure and safe since he, too, also knows what to expect. It is important to note that you must be consistent in your dealings with the child to help him feel more in control.

The bottom line is that the child needs to feel that he is accepted and loved. Over time and with consistency and patience, the child can learn to develop trust, as well as accept love and physical expressions and demonstrations of it.

Family Therapy for treatment of attachment disorder

For more help, you can turn to individual therapy and family therapy in Provo. This will not just help the individual but also the other family members who need to cope with the situation as well as come to an understanding of the disorder and how they can properly respond.

Can a marriage survive infidelity? Can broken trust be regained? Or is infidelity the death knell of a marriage? It is like asking about the effects of a bomb blowing up in the middle of a city. The effects are horrendous and far-reaching. You can’t expect a quick recovery. It will take time and a lot of work to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together again. And really, the rebuilding process may mean that things will not be as they were before.

Infidelity statistics

According to statistics from the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, marital infidelity strikes nearly 40% of marriages – where two-thirds of husbands and one half of wives have been unfaithful in one way of another. The aftermath of an affair is even more bleak – 65% of marriages where a spouse has strayed end in separation and divorce.

However, if you and your spouse are willing to stay together after an affair, there is hope. You can weather the storm and become even stronger as a couple. Getting marriage therapy in UT can also provide you with much-needed perspective and tools towards healing and forgiveness.

Dealing with the aftermath of infidelity will involve not just restoring the relationship, but also digging deep into the reasons why such an affair happened, as well as threshing out the feelings of both the “betrayer” and the betrayed. It is especially important for a couple to heal and move forward – the betrayer from his or her feelings of guilt and the betrayed from his or her feelings of anger, humiliation, bitterness and fears.

Dealing with Adultery

Marriage counseling in Provo can help but it is important to note that a marriage counselor will not make the tough decisions for you and your spouse. It is up to you to decide whether to stay on with the marriage and work towards recovery or to say goodbye. During your marriage’s lowest point, divorce may seem to be the most attractive and logical option. Feelings of anger and betrayal can lead you to this decision but, tempting as it may, it will be helpful to stop and think – especially about fighting for the marriage.  That way, you will not have any regrets about not trying “hard enough” to save the relationship.

Here are some key questions to help you decide to stay or go:
– Is the erring spouse giving up the affair? Before there is even a question of rebuilding the marriage, the erring spouse must have turned his or her back on the affair and ended it completely. Is the infidelity a one-off affair (giving in at a moment of weakness) or is it a chronic problem? Is the erring spouse willing to take full responsibility for the act of infidelity? If the erring spouse refuses to stop and is even defiant regarding his or her infidelity, then the betrayed spouse must make the tough decision of whether to stay or to get out of an unhealthy situation.
– Are both spouses willing to rebuild the marriage? For the part of the betrayed spouses, the process of granting forgiveness and getting over the pain is hard. He or she needs to be willing to grant the forgiveness and let go of the negative thoughts and feelings about the cheating spouse’s act. On the other hand, the cheating spouse should learn to accept the natural consequences of his or her betrayal. He or she can expect an emotional roller coaster from the other spouse. The betrayed spouse will need to be able to express his or her pain and anger without the cheating spouse giving in to the urge to fight back.
– Are both spouses are willing to undergo couples counseling in Utah?
There is no “restart button” that you can simply press and have everything back to what it was before. You may need the help of a marriage therapist to help you deal with both the underlying issues that caused the infidelity, as well as with the aftermath of the betrayal. This includes feelings of insecurity, negative thoughts, and rebuilding trust and self-confidence.

The process of healing and rebuilding a marriage after infidelity is long and arduous so you both have to be committed to it and feel that the efforts are well worth it.

For marriage counseling and therapy in Provo, Utah, you can go to Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan is not only PREPARE/ENRICH certified, he is also a licensed marriage and family therapist. For years, he has been helping couples in Provo, Utah strengthen and rebuilt marriages and when that fails, to help individuals and children affected by the situation.

Is your spouse having an affair? What do you do when the admonition “love one another” is misinterpreted to mean “love another one”? Often, it is the other spouse who is the last to know. However, in hindsight, he or she can recall telltale signs that point to an affair.

Seeing the red flags can help you confront the situation sooner rather than later. It can give you the opportunity to try to rebuild the marriage before the situation makes a turn for the worse – where the affair gets past the point of no return, where it’s too late for marriage counseling Utah to help. For instance, the cheating spouse decides to leave the marriage or the affair resulted in pregnancy.

Here are some warning signs that indicate that your mate may be unfaithful:
– Unexplained and drastic changes in behavior. Your partner starts lavishing you with gifts – perhaps as a way of assuaging guilty feelings? She starts putting on makeup and dressing up more than the usual. He starts putting on cologne. She acquires this new taste for music.
– Changes in temper. You may notice him or her acting “weird” – being uncomfortable when you do something nice for him or her, or being quick tempered and quick to pick fights with you. Often, the fight escalates into threats about ending the relationship. Managing an affair can be very stressful and this can be made evident by mood swings. At one point they may seem exhilarated and at another they may seem depressed and moody.
– Change in communication patterns.  Your spouse may avoid communicating and interacting with you, often for fear of saying the wrong things. He or she may even act coldly or rudely towards you. He or she may avoid eye contact and have excuses to avoid spending time alone with you. For instance, he or she may extend activities at night to avoid getting into bed with you.
– Changes in sexual interest. One sign is that there is a change in the level of sexual contact between you. It may go both ways. The cheating spouse may avoid having sex because of guilty feelings. It may also be the opposite, where the spouse seems to have revitalized sexual energy that it spills over to your relationship.
– Discrepancies in finances. If your bank account has unexplained withdrawals or your credit card billing has entries you don’t know about, this may be a cause for you to look deeper. Also, if a spouse suddenly becomes concerned about how money is spent or saved or suddenly suggests having separate bank and credit card accounts.
– Increased work hours or frequency of travel. Is your spouse traveling for work or business more often than before? Is he or she taking larger blocks of time for work, calling about required overtime or deadlines to be met? Is he or she hesitant to take you up on your offer to accompany him or her during business trips? It may also be that your spouse suddenly has a lot of errands that he or she didn’t have – such as more trips to the dry cleaners or to the supermarket.
– Engaging in secretive behavior. Suddenly, your spouse becomes very particular about privacy. He or she abruptly turns the computer off when you’re around. He answers telephone calls in the bathroom and insists that you don’t answer his phone calls. She changes her email password when she previously did not feel the need to. These may be clues that point to a straying partner.

The next step would be to decide what to do about your suspicions. It is up to you to decide whether to confront your spouse about it. The aftermath may require you to work harder at your marriage by going into Provo couples  therapy to help both you and your spouse deal with issues underlying the possible act of infidelity.

If you are willing to work towards protecting your marriage or need to heal from the devastation brought about by infidelity, you can consider getting help from an experienced marriage counselor. Dr. Triston Morgan of Provo, Utah, provides marriage and family therapy to help couples and their children recover from the pain of infidelity. Dr. Morgan is also PREPARE/ENRICH certified.

“Everybody’s doing it, so why can’t I?”
“I don’t want my friends to call me a chicken. I want to look cool.”
“This is what everyone wears in school. I don’t want to look like a dork.”

Oftentimes, many a child is caught in trouble at the prodding or encouragement of peers, or based on the example these peers set. This is especially true for teens, where they are dealing with a confusing time in their lives, even as they struggle to discover who they are as an adult, the need for acceptance among peers becomes more intense.

The teenage years is the time when one starts experimenting. This may include skipping classes, trying on alcohol and even drugs, engaging in sex and other risky behavior. A study published in the journal Child Development conducted by the University of North Carolina (Chapel Hill) and University of Colorado (Boulder) indicated that teenagers who are concerned about acceptance are more vulnerable to peer pressure. Also, if a certain risky behavior or attitude is endorsed by popular teenagers, a teen is more likely to hold on to these behaviors and attitudes, even when he is not in the presence of his peers.

That is not to say that peers or your child’s circle of friends only provide a negative influence. Peers can also be an influence for the good. However, it is important for a teen to get the support he needs, particularly from his parents. Here are some of the things parents can do:

– Build a loving and close relationship with your kids. When your kids feel secure in your love, they will tend to also be more secure about themselves and thus less vulnerable to giving in to peer pressure. And it’s good to start early – program activities for your family while your children are young.  Doing so will develop a relationship that will serve you well as your children grow up (and by that time, they may not be as easy to invite to family activities). Have family camping trips, picnics in the park, or indulge in a sports activity together. Even regular, everyday activities such as doing the dishes, walking the dog or watching some television can be opportunities to bond with your child.
– Encourage your child to indulge in positive activities he is good at and enjoys. Is he good in basketball? Encourage him to try out for the school team. Is she good in arts or likes to perform? Why not encourage her to join the local arts or the theater club. The key is the word “encourage”.  It is also not advisable for you to push your child into doing something he does not want. However, when your child is occupied with these activities, it not only means that he’s not out there indulging in risky behavior, it also improves your child’s confidence levels and provides him with positive role models and occupy his time.
– Help your child understand that peer pressure is normal. Realizing that peer pressure is a normal part of teenage life will empower your child say, “no” when necessary. It will help for a teenager to understand that other people went through the same thing and how they dealt with the peer pressure they faced.
– Know your teen’s peer group and friends.  Get to know who your child hangs out with. Invite your teen’s friends over and take the effort to get to know their parents as well. Better yet, turn your house into the favorite hang-out of your child and his friends. The good thing about having them hang out in your house is that you know where they are and that they are not trying out drugs or drinking alcohol.
– Communicate with your child. Don’t just lecture about peer pressure – listen to what your child has to say. Our goal is to help our child be more self-confident and to be able to make wise decisions. Being willing to listen to what your child has to say sends the message that you respect his thoughts and opinions.
– Be there for your child. Sometimes saying “no” to peers will put your child in a difficult situation (having no ride home, needing to be picked up from a party). Your child needs to know that in these situations, he can count on you for your help.  Some families develop a code phrase that, when spoken, means that the parents need to fetch the child, no questions asked.
– Avoid criticizing your child’s friends. Even when you don’t think that you child’s friends provide a positive influence, keep from making criticisms about them. This may put your child on the defensive. Rather than criticizing, point out specific behaviors about your child that need to be corrected.
– Help your child know how to respond to peer pressure. Discuss the usual situations leading to peer pressure and role play your child’s possible responses. Help your child think of alternatives when friends are prodding him to do something inappropriate. Also, help your child anticipate potential trouble and learning how to avoid it.
– Seek help.  If your child seems to chronically have trouble with saying “no” to peers, it may help to consult with a family therapist in Provo. It may be that your child finds peer pressure too overwhelming and he needs some family counseling to boost his self-esteem and know how not to look towards what their peers think for them to measure his self-worth. A teen may also need to get some Utah substance abuse counseling if he has already succumbed to the pressure and tried drugs and alcohol.

Peer Pressure Help in Provo, Utah

It is important for your child to build his self-confidence, to be comfortable with whom he is so that he does not feel the need for other people’s acceptance to define him. This is where Utah family therapy can help. Parents can also get tools for them to understand what their child is feeling and how they can support their child. Dr. Triston Morgan in Provo, Utah can provide such counseling for your family. Dr. Morgan has experience in guiding families through the challenges of the teenage years. He is a marriage and family therapist licensed to practice in Utah.

Sexual addiction: it’s something that brings shame and guilt – a personal secret that affects an individual in the core of his or her being. Sex addicts are consumed by sex and thoughts of sex that there is difficulty connecting with other people and building quality relationships.

The obsession will also impact other aspects of the addict’s life since the compulsion leads him or her to act regardless of negative effects to his or her financial, emotional, health and social situation. Sex addicts don’t care how and where they get their satisfaction as long as they get it, even when there obviously is no bond with sex partners.

Sex addicts are prone towards taking serious risks – engaging in sexual activities that may be hazardous not just to his or her relationship but also to his or her health. The acts may include:
– Being a peeping tom
– The use of pornography, phone sex or cybersex
– Going for casual, anonymous sex (i.e. having sex with prostitutes, one night stands, etc.)
– Indecent exposure
– Masturbation whenever the mood strikes
– Making obscene calls
– Sexual harassment, molestation or rape

The advent of the internet has made this addiction easier to indulge. The addict can obtain his “fix” online or arrange for hookups via the web.

According to statistics, some nine million Americans suffer from some form of sex addiction. The problem is further compounded by the fact that those struggling with a sex addiction also have substance abuse issues (i.e. the use of alcohol or drugs).

In the context of a married couple, sex addiction will have a profound effect on the relationship, especially upon the discovery of the addiction by the other spouse.  A married couple may need serious couples counseling in Provo for recovery from the devastation brought about by the sex addiction, as well as Utah substance abuse counseling to deal with the drug or alcohol abuse.

The Effect of Sex Addictions on a Marriage

The sexual addiction is wounding, especially for the other partner. Not only are emotional barriers built between the sex addict and his or her partner, it also builds feelings of insecurity and bitterness due to the seemingly unreasonable expectations and pressure brought on by the sexual compulsion. Sex between the married couple loses its joy and wonder, as it competes with the partner’s sexual addiction. There may also be issues with marital infidelity. Even the seemingly “innocent” act of looking at pornography can cause pain and bitterness, if one partner is not okay with this form of “adult entertainment”.

Fighting Sex Addiction

The first step is for a sex addict to want to stop and believe that he or she can do so. This can sometimes be a struggle since the sex addict is not even aware that he or she has an addiction. The other partner should not feel obligated to bear the burden of overcoming the addiction (which is properly the responsibility of the one with the addiction). However, the partner should also be patient and realistic in his or her expectations about the partner’s recovery.

Treatment of the sexual addiction would involve discovering how one can control the addictive behavior so that the individual can eventually develop a healthy sexuality. The treatment may also include couples or family therapy.

Therapy can be helpful for the couple to:
– Understand the issues surrounding the addiction
– Start the road to healing – for the addicted partner to heal from feelings of guilt and isolation and for the other partner to overcome feelings of bitterness and insecurity.
– Be equipped with tools to cope with the effects of the addiction, as well as tools to strengthen the marriage and family bond.
– Draft a recovery plan and break addictive patterns by having strategies as to how to act and react when the impulses strike and how to manage the stress that may arise.

Therapy in Provo, Utah

Recovery from sex addiction can be a challenge for the individual and the people he loves. But with the help of an experienced Provo, Utah counselor, the barriers are not insurmountable. A marriage can emerge stronger, more loving. Dr. Triston Morgan offers individual and family therapy for couples and families in Utah who struggle from these problems.

How do you view and handle money? Is your tendency to spend or to splurge? Were your parents indulgent and bought you everything you asked for, or did they require you to save up for what you wanted? Were your parents constantly arguing about money? Our experiences, the way we were brought up and the values inculcated by family all contribute towards our “money personality”.

Money personalities may include one or the combination of the following:
– Spender. This is one who thinks that money is to be enjoyed and that things you buy can be used to enhance your life. Shopping is a thrill. The spender has no compunctions about swiping that credit card.
– Saver. This is one who feels the compulsion to cut corners to increase savings. The thrill is in getting a good deal. Thus you will find the saver armed with coupons and would be first in line during sales.
– The Play-It-Safer. Risk averse personalities would invest but choose something that has low rewards but low risk as well. They like seeing money grow slowly but surely.
– Budget-beaver. This is one who likes to ensure that everything is by the budget and expenses are well-planned.
– The Gambler. Gamblers are not scared with the toss of the dice – investments that have risks but yield high rewards.
– The Dreamer. This is someone who has certain goals and is willing to work and save towards these goals.

Marriage and our money personality

And we bring this money personality into our marriage. And often, this is what causes conflicts between couples. When two individuals with differing money personalities unite and decide to combine finances, you can expect conflicts to arise. A husband may raise his eyebrows at the credit card statement that shows a wife’s shopping spree. A wife may complain about the household expense account. A spouse may feel that the other partner has unrealistic expectations on savings. There may be disagreements about how much to spend, whether to have separate or joint accounts and so on. A couple may need time to adjust to each other’s money personalities.

So how do you deal with the differences in money personality? Here are some tips:
– Recognize that there will be differences.  You can’t expect you and your spouse to have the same money personality. What is key is for you to understand you and your spouse’s money personality and that each personality has its own advantages and disadvantages. This is your starting point as you and your spouse discuss how you can deal with your differing personalities. It is also important to recognize that money personality differences can be helpful if you are able to communicate and deal with your differences effectively.
– Discuss money personalities prior to marriage. Ideally, money personalities prior to marriage. This is where pre-marital counseling can help.
– Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Your spouse is not there to make things difficult for you. His or her financial decisions are driven by his or her money personality. Recognizing this will help you communicate better and avoid accusing.
– Talk about money while there is no conflict. Schedule times when you can both sit down and discuss your budget, investments and bills. It is best to have these discussions while emotions (and tempers) are not running hot. It will also be helpful for you to set guidelines on how you will handle your money.
– Understand your spouse’s needs and expressions of love. Your money personality will also point towards how you perceive love. For instance, a spender will take delight in showering his spouse with gifts. However, if his spouse is a saver, it will only annoy the spouse to see that her spouse is spending money on “unnecessaries”.
– Get counseling. Oftentimes, it is helpful to go for couples counseling in Provo when the conflict becomes too complicated for you to handle. Therapy can help you gain deeper insights on your and your spouse’s money personality.

Marriage therapy in Provo, Utah

For Provo, Utah marriage therapy in Provo, Utah, you can visit Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan has years of experience in helping build relationships and providing couples counseling. He is a marriage and family therapist licensed to practice in the state of Utah.

Marriage is supposed to be a bond that is so close that two people become one. Marriage should ideally be a place where you feel free to show your true self, knowing that your partner will love and accept you as you are. However, it is also the union of two imperfect humans. What makes it more complicated is that there are other factors that can affect a marriage and its intimacy – issues with money, raising up children, dealing with in-laws and so on.

But if a married couple wants to enjoy more intimacy or to at least maintain a certain level of intimacy, they need to work at these barriers. Mind you, intimacy is not just about the sexual aspect of the relationship. More than that, it is “being one” on other levels – emotionally and intellectually.

The first step to building intimacy is to identify some of the barriers that prevent a couple’s closeness. By being pro-active, you can know what hinders you and your spouse from achieving the level of intimacy you want and work from there. Here are some barriers that rob the joy from (and could potentially destroy) a marriage:

Lack of self awareness. The adage, “Know thyself.” is a challenge, but it is necessary in building intimacy between you and your spouse. The more we know ourselves (our strengths, our weaknesses, our desires), the more we are able to share these to our spouse. We also tend to be more comfortable, more in control about ourselves and our actions and reactions when we are more self-aware. To help prevent lack of self-awareness from rearing its ugly head, we need to take it upon ourselves to deal with unresolved emotional and psychological issues that we have, as we proceed towards knowing more and more about ourselves. If you need some help with this, you can consider going for some personal counseling. Counseling can help us deal with emotional baggage, as well as our unmet needs (and how we can communicate this to our spouse)
Lack of communication. Intimacy involves communication – the sharing of what we feel, who we are, what we think. Without communication, our spouse will not know us on a deeper level, and vice versa. Also, when we fail to communicate how we feel, as we often do when we don’t want to rock the boat, feelings of resentment and bitterness can pile up and even explode at unexpected times.
Problems with physical intimacy. A couple may have issues with sexual compatibility or physical intimacy. Even though sex is just one aspect of a couple’s intimacy, a satisfying sex life can bring a couple closer and forge a bond. A problem with physical intimacy (i.e. wrong concepts about sex, fear of being touched, etc.) can lead to sexual dissatisfaction. Those who have issues with physical intimacy may benefit from couples  therapy in Provo, where an experienced counselor can help you explore the reasons behind these issues.
Lack of time. The tyranny of the urgent. Pressing commitments, demands for attention from children, deadlines from work – all these eat up time. Building intimacy also needs time – time for you to enjoy and experience each other, time for you to simply sit and communicate. Often, it may demand for you to set priorities. Make it a point to set time just for the both of you.
Infidelity. The loss of trust brought on by infidelity may be a hard barrier to overcome. Trust has to be earned back and this may take some work and time, as well as some marriage therapy.
Conflicts. When you are at odds with each other, this will naturally affect your closeness as a couple. Conflicts may cover a wide range of concerns – money, priorities, incompatibility with your core values and so on.
Addictions. Substance abuse problems (drugs and alcohol), as well as other addictions (pornography, gambling, etc.) can suck a lot of positive energy from a relationship. The other partner’s pre-occupation is with the addiction and this negatively impacts the relationship. Sexual intimacy is affected by a partner’s addiction to pornography – where the other partner is left with feelings of insecurity while the other partner has to deal with unmet expectations compounded by feelings of guilt. You may need to consider getting Utah substance abuse counseling for the partner who is addicted.

The good news is that a couple can rise above barriers to intimacy. It may be a challenge but it can be done. With the help of an experienced marriage counselor, you can take the first step towards breaking down these barriers and starting the never-ending journey of becoming one.

If you are located in Provo, Utah, do visit Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan has years of marriage counseling and therapy under his belt. As a therapist licensed to practice in Utah, he has been helping couples strengthen their marriage bonds and enjoy a deeper level of intimacy.

A marriage, a family has its stages. So you have lived through the highs and lows of marriage and parenting. You rejoiced at the news of each new addition to the family. You have struggled through sleepless nights caring for your young children. You survived the terrible twos and the teenage years. You wiped away tears of pride as you watched your children grow and move through the next phases of their lives – graduation, getting a job, getting married.

And the whirlwind of activities suddenly quiets down. The chicks have flown the coop – the nest you have lovingly built is now empty. After all the frenzy of activity, you now find yourself alone with your spouse. This “new-found freedom and independence” you once longed for suddenly becomes a not-so- attractive prospect. When you let your identity and purpose be defined by your children and you suddenly “lose” them to adulthood, this may require a lot of adjustment on you and your spouse’s part.

With a little help from couples counseling in Provo, as well as your proactive moves towards dealing with the empty nest syndrome, you can make the transition easier. Here are some ways for you to deal with the empty nest syndrome:
– Acknowledge that you need time to grieve. There will be feelings of loss or sadness at the knowledge that you can no longer peep into their bedrooms and tuck them into bed, or have petty arguments about their wardrobe choice. Naturally, you will be missing your kids. Allow yourself the time and the chance to grieve.
– Line up activities for you and your spouse. Prepare for the things you want to do now that you have more time for yourselves. Think of activities you want to indulge in individually and as a couple. This is a perfect opportunity for you and your spouse to rediscover yourselves and your relationship.
– Get a little help from friends. Chances are, you also will have friends who are facing the same predicament. Get a support network; you don’t have to go at it alone. But take note that this is not a time to look towards your children as your support network. Remember that they, too, are facing a major phase in their lives. Aside from friends, you can also turn to a Utah family counselor for some advice and tools to cope.
– Rediscover your marriage and your spouse. The empty nest is one of the reasons for divorce, especially when a couple has drifted apart and the only bond that had held them together is the children. A couple may discover that they are disconnected with each other and may need some marriage counseling Utah.
– Remind yourself that you are still your children’s parent. Whether your child is 4 or 44, you will still be “mom” or “dad”. Although the way you take care of them will be different, you can still find opportunities to provide the support that your children need. You can commit to keep in touch, to make regular calls and visits while giving your children the space they also need to grow

When professional counseling is needed

There will also be times when the empty nest results in feelings of overwhelming sadness or grief. This may indicate that you are becoming depressed. It is important to be aware of the symptoms of depression. Aside from feelings of sadness that often overpower you and your ability to function normally, depression is marked by changes in sleeping patterns (oversleeping or having difficulty sleeping), changes in appetite and loss of motivation or interest. Feel free to seek counseling.

If you are living in Provo, Utah and are considering getting counseling, feel free to call Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan is a licensed marriage and family counselor and has provided helpful therapy for struggling individuals, couples and families.