Like a storm that uncontrollably washes wave after wave and threatens to drown you, sorrow and grief may engulf you and devastate you so that you are no longer able to function as you should. This is particularly true if the sorrow is combined with other similarly debilitating emotions – anger, guilt, bitterness and shock. Feelings of sorrow and grief may be caused by the loss of a loved one, dealing with a divorce, receiving news of a terminal illness, losing a home to foreclosure, the death of a pet, irreparable damage to an important relationship or friendship.

Although it seems like one will never fully recover from the grief and pain of loss, going through the grieving process is necessary for one to heal. Although everyone grieves in their own way, there are common reactions to grief.  These include:

– Denial or shock. The first reaction would either be shock or denial. “That’s not true.” “I can’t believe this is happening.” “This is all a dream.” People who have lost a loved one sometimes feel that he can go home and see his lost loved one waiting there, safe and sound. As the shock of the moment fades, the grieving person will start to take in the reality of the loss.

– Despair. During the early stages of grieving, the sadness may weigh too heavily that it seems too hard to bear. This is natural. When left unmanaged, though, this sadness may turn into depression. Although the sadness will never quite go away, over time, it will lessen in intensity.

– Bitterness and anger.  Grief may cause you to feel angry or bitter and question the unfairness of what happened, why bad things happen to good people. The grieving person may look for someone to blame – God, the person who caused the accident that killed your loved one, or even the person who died.

– Guilt. “The last words we exchanged were angry ones.””I never even got a chance to say goodbye.” Guilt over the grief may be doubly debilitating. You may also blame yourself somehow. The grieving person may go over the things he should have done while the person is alive.

– Acceptance. Reality will start to set in that the loss is permanent and that there is nothing to be done but to accept it. Accepting the loss will help the person move on and heal.

When the negative feelings are left uncontrolled, it may result in some negative and hurtful behaviors. It may also result in physical symptoms. These include nausea, the inability to sleep, heaviness of the body, a tendency to overeat or to starve yourself.

Grief can be hard to bear but it can be managed. Here are some ways you can cope with your loss:

– Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who support you. There is a time when you want to be alone with your grief. But it is important to find people who share your loss and who can grieve with you. These people will be invaluable as you deal with the arrangements necessary immediately after the loss (scheduling funeral services, arranging for the burial, packing your ex-spouse’s things, etc.).

– Don’t disregard your physical needs. Grief will take its toll on you physically. It will make you more susceptible to illness. In order for you to heal and cope with your grief, make sure that you get the sleep and food you need.

– Go get help. If as parents, you have to cope with the loss of a child, it is good to visit a couples counselor for you to be able to deal with the loss as spouses. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to get professional help. When the grief is particularly overwhelming that it negatively affects how you relate with other people and how you get on with your life, it may be time for grief counseling. Getting grief counseling will help you through the healing process. It is better to get help before it is too late and you find yourself getting depressed, develop severe anxiety or other psychological disorders.

– Find other outlets for your grief. Use a journal, start a scrapbook project, learn pottery or painting or do something that will memorialize your lost loved one in a special way. Honoring your lost loved one’s memory creatively will help speed up the healing. That is why grief and loss counselors may use various kinds of therapy involving art, music or writing to help you. Avoid negative outlets such as alcohol and drugs. Go to a Provo substance abuse counselor when you find yourself seeking a drug high or alcoholic oblivion as a way to “forget”.

– Be patient. There is no set time limit for grief. So don’t rush things for yourself.

Be comforted in the fact that you can survive a tragic loss. You will heal and find happiness in life even without someone you hold precious. Dr. Triston Morgan, who has a practice in Provo, Utah, can help you come to terms with your loss in a healthy manner. Dr. Morgan is a licensed Utah marriage and family therapist who has extensive experience helping couples and families establish stronger bonds and experience healing even in the face of a tragic loss.

 

 

Even with today’s pre-nuptial agreements, spouses will need to deal with the fact that they are managing the same household and that there is a merging of their finances somehow. This may be one of the reasons why money matters are such a hot button when it comes to marriages. The financial aspect of a marriage (and the resulting blowout if the couple disagrees) is also a good reason for couples to go for Utah marriage counseling.

Each person comes with his or her own financial upbringing and personal view about money. One may see money as something to be enjoyed and spent. Another may be brought up thinking that money (which one works hard for) should be well spent and purchases thought over carefully before they are made. One may feel that a budget is not necessary. Yet another may stress the need for a budget and spending below your means.

Another aspect to consider is that couples may not have the same level of income. A spouse may earn more or another spouse may have decided to stay at home to take care of the kids. There is a question of who has the control, who holds the purse strings in the marriage. Usually, Provo family counseling  will strive to dig into the core of the issue and couples will see that underneath the money issue is a deeper issue that they need to thresh out.

A couple has to be proactive and creative in facing money matters. The best time to deal with this issue is when it has not already flared up and become a full-fledged problem. While your finances are not being threatened, it is best for you to develop rules (dos and don’ts) about how you will handle this. Here are a few examples.

• Agree on basic money principles. Although you may come from different financial backgrounds, it is important for you to decide on a set of financial goals and how accountable each is towards meeting that goal. Decide on just how much money to spend and how much to keep as your nest egg. Agree on what is worth cutting and what is worth splurging on once in a while. Decide on just how much money is allowed to spend at his or her discretion, without having to discuss it with the other spouse. Discuss your financial goals – paying off the mortgage, setting aside an amount for the kids’ college fund, wiping your credit card accounts clean, etc. – and how you as a couple plan to reach these goals.
• Agree to track your spending.  Do you know where your money goes? Make a budget to help you track spending and savings. You will also need to regularly check if you have been keeping to your budget.
• Stop living beyond your means. As much as possible, spend below the level of your income so that you can have some left to put aside. If you live beyond your means, your monthly salary earnings will just be a way to catch up with last months’ debt. Avoid getting into debt – rather than buying items through debt, try to save up and pay with cash.
• Assign someone to handle the bills. Agree as to which spouse will handle this chore – it is important, though, that the other partner knows the details of these payments.
• Talk about money at the right moment. This is when tempers are cool and a financial problem has not cropped up yet. Initiating the “money talk” when your partner just got home tired from work may not be a good time.
• Discuss major purchases with your spouse before making them. Purchases that will make a considerable dent on the budget should be discussed and agreed upon by both spouses. If one spouse disagrees with the purchase, the other can present alternatives as to how he or she can get extra funds to make the purchase possible.

• Hide expenses from your spouse. So you’ve overdrawn your account or weren’t able to resist a certain purchase, stop hiding it from your spouse. Instead, be responsible to discuss possible solutions with your spouse.
• Micro-manage. If you and your partner have your own spending money, you don’t need to micro-manage and check what he or she is purchasing with that spending money. Since this money is already allocated for in the family’s budget, give your partner some leeway as to how he or she will spend it.
• Merge credit card accounts. It is a good idea for each partner to have at least one credit card account maintained under his or her own name. This way, you maintain your credit history and will make things easier for you in the event of your spouse’s death or if you divorce.
• Accuse. There may be a strong temptation to get on your partner’s case for a financial mistake he or she has made. Instead of making accusations, try to point out a solution for your financial strain. For instance, if your wife is passionate about shoes (and is intent on buying one every week, it seems), encourage her to earn supplementary income to support this passion.
• Ignore financial issues. Getting your head stuck in the sand over financial problems will not solve them. One may feel overwhelmed by the financial morass but it will do you good to own up and look at how you as a couple can solve a financial problem. Being aware of just how you stand financially and understanding the size of the financial problem will be helpful in coming up with workable solutions.
• Refuse to get help. Money matters may have already caused an emotional breech between husband and wife. Sometimes, when emotions get in the way, it is harder to find a suitable solution. You may need outside help who sees things in an objective manner and can help point the way towards a solution. A marriage therapist has the training and experience to help couples with financial issues, as well as a host of other problems related to marriage and family.

Dealing with money matters can be problematic. This is where a good marriage counselor in Utah can come in and help. It may feel that going into marriage or family therapy will cost you more – when your plan is to save money. However, let us assure you that this is money well spent – since it will help you get the tools to communicate with your spouse and develop good spending habits.

For your marriage therapy needs when in Provo, Utah, you can count on Dr. Triston Morgan for a non-combative approach towards resolving the conflict brought about by money matters. Dr. Morgan holds a Ph. D in marriage and family therapy and has years of experience counseling troubled families, couples and teens. He holds a license to practice family and marriage therapy in the state of Utah.

 

As a child transitions into adulthood, there may be tough times ahead. And as a parent, it is worrisome and troubling to see your cute and cuddly cherub who did not get enough kisses from you turn into a moody and sullen individual that can’t seem to stand being near you. Worse, if your child suddenly exhibits signs of being troubled – getting into fights, substance abuse issues, eating disorders and sexually acting out. Your teen may also exhibit symptoms of depression. There are cases when the root causes manifest themselves by the teen’s playing the truant in school, have discipline problems and a rebellious attitude and display inappropriate anger.

You as a parent feel as if your sweet child has changed overnight. The teenage years are also fraught with landmines since your influence as a parent may have diminished and your child is starting to turn towards peers and other sources of influence other than the family environment. How do you deal with this transition? How do you love your child during this challenging time in his life? How do you provide your teen with guidance, even as he tries to discover his boundaries and sorts out the confusion and pressures that accompany this new phase of his life?

Yes, raising teens has its own difficulties and if handled wrongly, you may cause more damage to your relationship as parent and child rather than strengthen it. There is often conflict between parent and child as the teen tries to be more independent and make more decisions on his own.

Here are some ways you can start understanding and parenting your troubled teen:

–          Connect and communicate with your teen. Spend quality time to bond with your child and do the things he enjoys. If your child is into sports, buy tickets and watch the games together. If she is into fashion, take her out shopping. Spend time together on family outings and camping trips. One practical way to connect with your child is to establish regular mealtimes where all family members share the meals together. Without being too intrusive, let your child understand that you are there when he wants to talk.

–          Remember the teen you love and not focus on the attitudes and behaviors that you don’t. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you love your teen, even during times when you are arguing fiercely and when he is acting out. Remember your teen’s positive qualities and sincerely praise him for it every chance you get.

–          Get into your Teen’s shoes. Try to see things from your teenager’s perspective. This is what family therapists call “reframing”. Trying to see things the way your teen sees it will provide you with valuable insights as to why he is acting the way he does. You will have a deeper understanding of the fact that there is usually pain at the root of the troubled behavior.

–          Don’t play the blame game. Don’t blame yourself for what your teen is going through. The fact that your teen is troubled is not solely due to your parenting. Blaming yourself will just paralyze you into not acting as you should.

–          Be patient. You may be at the point where you are exasperated with your child, and with yourself. Don’t. Showing impatience about your child’s attitudes and behavior will not help.

–          Don’t be afraid to get help. You may need to call in some reinforcements to help you understand your teen and build a stronger relationship with them. You must be on the lookout for signs that your teen is troubled and then reach out to your child by going for family therapist in Utah. This can be an important step in learning how to communicate and bond with your child. If you notice that there are signs of alcoholism or drug use, don’t be afraid to go for substance abuse counseling.

–          Be on the lookout for signs of a troubled teen. Here are some warning signs you should look into:

• Being particularly insistent about privacy. This is more than your average teenage desire to have privacy, especially from the prying eyes of parents and siblings. A troubled teen may be defensive when asked where he’s been or what he has been doing.
• Being irritable and prone to bursts of anger. Troubled teens may be more sensitive and usually flare up at the smallest reasons.
• Having discipline problems at home. This may be due to constantly violated curfews and rules, missed household chores or your teen being caught lying.
• Things and money that mysteriously go missing. Teens that are into drug and alcohol abuse will need money to buy their substance of choice. He may try to take out expensive items from home and sell it. Or, he may also try to steal some money from you.
• Change in group of friends. Your child may start hanging out with a new set of friends, often friends that you as a parent would consider as “the wrong crowd”. He may refuse to introduce his “new” friends to you and will not talk about them.
• Changes in behavior. Aside from sullenness and moodiness, your teen may just use your home just as a place to sleep and eat. They may spend more time eating and sleeping than they would just being with the rest of the family.

If you are looking for an experienced therapist in Provo, Utah, be sure to look Dr. Triston Morgan up. He provides a non-confrontational atmosphere for teens and their families. He holds a Ph. D in family and Utah marriage therapy and holds a license to practice the same in the state of Utah. He has extensive experience in dealing with teens in various settings such as wilderness therapy programs, therapeutic boarding school and in-office therapy.

Getting into a drinking binge at a party. Craving that constant high. A teen who starts having discipline problems at school and puts on a rebellious attitude at home. Someone who loses a job or plays the truant in school because he’s always sick due to a hangover. These may be signs of substance abuse.

Substance abuse can be defined as the pathological use of a substance – alcohol, drugs, prescription medication or tobacco. Although a person who has a substance abuse problem may not yet be considered an addict (and there are no issues with withdrawal symptoms), there will be undesirable consequences that will affect an individual’s family life, social life and work life. A person who has substance abuse issues may perform poorly in school or work, have problems with the legal system and may act negligently or carelessly so as to cause harm to themselves and others.

There is also the tendency that substance abuse can devolve into addictions, where people have this uncontrollable compulsion to indulge in his addiction of choice. Over time, there is a feeling of helplessness and lack of self-worth. What they are focused on is how to get the next fix.

It is especially sad for parents to see this happening to their children. Having a child who has substance abuse problems may be one of a parent’s worst fears. That is why it is important for parents to nurture a caring and supportive environment where children feel loved and are less vulnerable to turning to drugs and alcohol. Parents should also be on the lookout for possible substance abuse and act accordingly to help their child win over the temptation to indulge in substance abuse.

Parents should be on the lookout for:

– Change in behavior. A teen who is into substance abuse may be suddenly sullen and rebellious and be more insistent about “privacy” and may withdraw from family events. You may notice a change in attitude as the teen becomes more hostile and sullen and may also be caught lying at times. As the substance abuse worsens, you may see increased conflicts with your teen, where he is becoming more and more out of control.

– Have alcohol or tobacco in their breath. Or, they may try to mask it by going straight to their rooms to “freshen up”.

– Declining performance in school. Grades may start to suffer and there may be complaints about delinquency and truancy, as well as discipline issues in school

– Change of peer group. Your teen may start minimizing contact with friends who don’t share the substance abuse problem and may spend more time with other peers who are also substance abusers.

– Change in activities. The sports and extra-curricular activities your teen used to enjoy may be dropped. Your teen may also be always “out with friends”.

– Mysterious loss of valuables and money. Things may suddenly go missing around the house. Or, your teen may start borrowing money from you, their siblings, other relatives and friends.

Dealing with Substance Abuse

Substance abuse is oftentimes caused by underlying issues the teen feels he has no control over or that he is unable to deal with. That is why going for Utah substance abuse counseling is one important component in treating this problem. It is also most effective when counseling is also coupled with medical treatment.

Going to a substance abuse counselor in Provo will help the teen deal with the underlying cause of the substance abuse. It is also vital in helping them recover their healthy functioning and build healthy relationships with others. Counseling will also help provide essential tools on how to manage this problem and prevent relapses from occurring.

Substance abuse therapy may focus on the emotions and thoughts that lead to the problem. It helps the teens to look into their feelings and identify situations that lead them to the temptation to take on drugs and alcohol – and how these situations can be avoided. Other tools include relaxation techniques to help the individual resist the temptation, manage the stress or anxiety they feel at this time and explore healthy outlets for pent up emotions and anger.

Teens may also feel anger (at their families, friends and even themselves) and therapy will help delve into the root causes of this anger. Through therapy, they are given tools on how they can express this anger in a healthy manner and deal with it constructively.

Families who have a teen who is into substance abuse could also do well to have Utah family therapy. It is important to foster an environment where the teen can see his family and friends support him and make efforts to get him back on track. Family therapy will be helpful to identify if there are any behaviors by family members that “enable” a teen’s substance abuse problems. Family members (especially parents) are also provided with communication tools and how they can effectively resolve any conflicts within the family that may have contributed to the substance abuse problem.

When in Provo, Utah, be sure to look up Dr. Triston Morgan. He is a highly experienced substance abuse counselor in Utah and has treated teens in various settings.

 

They say that the only constant thing in life is change. You can liken life as clouds in the sky – they are constantly changing form. Like it or not, change will come. That’s life, after all. We face various seasons of our lives that result in major transitions that necessitate a change in our lifestyle and outlook. Depending on how welcome the change is, it can be met with happiness, an openness to change and a positive attitude or it can be encountered with fear, anxiety and stress. It is important to realize that life transitions can be an uncertain (and even scary) time, but it can also be a time of growth.

Transitions can be due to expected events or they can be unpredictable and unwelcome events. Examples of life transitions include:

– Getting married and starting a family. This exciting phase in the life of couples can be a cause for much joy or stress. Becoming a parent is a challenge and will require much adjustment from the couple. Once the children come, you as parents discover that you have grown in ways you did not expect. You are challenged to earn a good income to provide for your family’s needs and still be able to “be there” and have time to raise up your children into responsible adults. At the same time, there is a challenge to maintain your relationship with your spouse. All these may create pressure and stress that result in emotional conflict with your spouse and children.

– Getting the empty nest. Another life transition is seeing your children grow up to be mature, independent individuals who will eventually leave the comfort and safety of the home you have built up. As the children leave the nest to form their own, parents (especially mothers) feel a disconnect about how they are – since their lives were more or less defined by their being parents. Parents who are unable to handle this transition may become depressed and dwell with their “loss” rather than look for opportunities of growth with this new phase in life.

– Getting retired or getting fired from your job. For the retirees, your life was defined largely by who you are at work for so many years now. And then suddenly, that is taken away from you. You used to spend eight hours or more in the office and now you don’t quite know what to do with those eight or more hours. For those who lose their jobs, there is the pain of rejection, the loss of self-worth and the fear that you are unable to get back on your feet.

– Losing a loved one or dealing with sickness. This is one transition that we face with dread. Dealing with a loss of a loved one or seeing them laid up with sickness is painful. We can turn towards other loved ones and friends for support and comfort at the time of our grief. Or we may even turn to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain.

These are just some of the transitions we normally face in life. There are other transitions – whether tragic or happy (i.e. winning the lottery, having to transfer homes) – that mark the different phases or chapters in our lives. These times can be very emotional and stressful.

When handled properly, these transitions help us develop as persons. However, transitions may also throw us into a downward spiral of emotional instability that could lead to substance abuse and bouts of depression. During these times, it will be helpful to see a therapist and even a substance abuse counselor, if applicable.

Accepting change and growing from them

There are two reactions towards transitions: fight it and delay it or accept it and grow from it. If you choose to drag your heels and resist the change that is coming, you are only just delaying the inevitable and making things harder for you. Resisting the transition in your life can cause you more stress and emotional upheaval. It can even affect relationships with family, friends and co-workers. It can drain you not just emotionally but also physically.

The help of an experienced and able counselor in Utah can help you through life’s transitions, especially if these are unwelcome ones. They can help guide us to the answers to questions like, “How do I deal with a recent divorce?” “How do I enjoy my retirement period?” “How do I cope with the loss of a loved one?” Life counselors can help us sort through the muddle caused by these transitions and provide us with the tools that we need to cope and grow from these experiences.

When the transitions of life become too challenging for you (and your spouse and loved ones), don’t be afraid to go into marriage or family therapy in Provo. One good indication that you may benefit from counseling or therapy may be when you are unable to deal with a transition and it affects how you relate with other people and the stress begins to manifest in you not just emotionally but also physically. A good therapist will provide you with not just a supportive ear but will help map the way out for you to successful deal with the transitions in your life.

If you are residing in Provo, Utah, you can count on Dr. Triston Morgan to help you deal with the life transitions you are facing. Dr. Morgan is a licensed family and Provo marriage therapist and has established a reputable practice in the state of Utah. He has since helped families and couples by providing them with effective tools to grow and thrive in the midst of life’s challenges.

 

 

No marriage is storm-proof. Even with the best of unions, there are storms that a couple has to face. Perhaps because of changes they experience personally – with their feelings about each other, their going through different phases in their lives or facing addictions, their having substance abuse problems. The storms may also be due to other factors – money problems, issues with in-laws and children, the stress brought about by work…and the list goes on.

Yes, you can expect stormy patches in a marriage – they will happen. Perhaps these stormy patches have you and your spouse tipping precariously close to divorce. The question is, how will you weather these storms and keep your marriage intact, even stronger for what you have both gone through. The good thing about weathering the storm together is that you emerge with more closeness and more trust in your partner as you get to know him or her better.

Here are a few simple reminders to help you as you face the storms in life:

–          Talk. Rather than sulk, talk it out. The damage that results are caused by miscommunication and by not understanding what the other spouse expects or wants. Don’t think that your spouse is a mind reader – he or she is not! Although there are times when no words are necessary, there will be more times when you will have to express how you feel and what you think about the problem you are currently facing.

–          Have realistic expectations of each other.  Before the storm even comes, it will be helpful to know what you expect from each other. Sometimes, we enter into a union without coming into a true understanding of our expectations from our partners and vice versa. Some crucial questions should be discussed that cover important topics like: rules about “fighting fairly” and resolving arguments, decision making, handling money, raising and disciplining children and spending time with each other. You should know beforehand what it is your partner needs from you in terms of showing affection and making him or her feel loved.

– Handle arguments constructively. If you must fight, you must agree beforehand that you will fight fairly. Sometimes, there is a temptation to be “historical”, rather than hysterical. Historical, in the sense that one tends to dredge up the other’s past sins for ammunition. When arguing, deal only with the issue at hand. Avoid the blame game and keep “you” statements away from the conversations. You statements such as “You never show me respect.” “You always do that.” put the focus on the person rather than the problem.

– Laugh together. A good sense of humor can do a lot to ease any tension and pressures resulting from what you are facing as a couple. Laugh together and you will find yourselves better (and more resilient) for it. As a couple, you can choose to face life’s trials with a joyful attitude or with a pessimistic and negative disposition.

– Reminisce about the happy times. Take time to go down memory lane – this will help give you more and more reasons why you stay together. Memories of better times will also give you the strength and fortitude to face the rough times ahead.

– Go get help. Sometimes the issues are too complicated or the wounds too deep for just the two of you to solve. Overcoming the storms may take outside help – don’t be afraid to go and seek the services of a trained professional who provides marriage counseling. A good marriage therapist will be able to effectively guide you and provide you with tools to help you build a stronger bond with your spouse and thus enable you to face the storms of life with a united front.

While Utah marriage therapy will not provide all the answers, it may provide you with a different perspective of the problem.

– Exercise patience. The storms usually do not go away after a day. Some storms in a marriage will need patience, commitment and gentleness. If you have been going for couples’ counseling, don’t expect results overnight. The damage that results from these storms may also take some time to fix and heal. Also, remember that you both can’t be perfect – you are bound to make mistakes. There may be times when you may need to have the spirit of forgiveness or to ask for forgiveness for both of you to recover.

– Take time for “we” and “me” time. Sometimes, you need to get out just to be able to see things from a different perspective. Go on a vacation together and come back rested and refreshed. However, there are also times when you need to have some space in your relationship – for you to go out with friends or to talk to someone you trust that can help give advice about your relationship.

Communication is key

For you and your spouse to emerge from a storm with your union intact and stronger, you need to root your relationship in communication. Getting a deeper understanding of each other will help you weather the storms. This is where a marriage therapist in Provo can help. He can provide you with a non-confrontational environment where you can discuss issues and where each partner can feel that he or she is truly heard.

If you are in the Provo, Utah area and are thinking of getting marriage or Utah family therapy, be sure to look for Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan holds Ph. D in marriage and family therapy and is firmly committed to providing therapy services to build stronger marriages and families.

 

 

Perhaps you feel that your marriage could use some help. You have broached it with your spouse – but he or she does not feel the need and refuses to go. This is one problem that has stopped many people from going to marriage counseling.

Why the Reluctance?

When you first suggest it, your partner may drag his or her heels about getting help from a marriage or family therapist. There are actually some reasons for the reluctance or resistance. These may include:

–          Their fear of sharing personal and intimate details with a stranger.

–          They are satisfied with the status quo and feel that such efforts will just rock the boat.

–          They are happy with the way they are and don’t want to make any changes.

–          They are happy with their position in the relationship (the level of power they currently hold) and fear that this may change if they undergo counseling.

–          They feel that the problem is with the other spouse.

–          They fear that counseling sessions will be all about outlining their shortcomings. Perhaps, afraid you may gang up with the therapist and lecture them or emotionally browbeat them.

–          They feel that your budget can’t accommodate it. The question really is, can you afford NOT to go to couple’s therapy? Marriage therapy or counseling programs are often provided by training centers or by religious organizations at a fraction of the price.

Don’t wait for your partner

When you know that it is time to seek help for your marriage, you can go for marriage therapy even by yourself. Of course, it would be better if both partners participate. However, it is better to work with just one person rather than ignore the danger signs and not go at all.

Going for marriage counseling by yourself can help:

–          Have a deeper understanding of your spouse

–          Know how to communicate with your spouse

–          Learn and understand “what makes your spouse tick” and how to influence him or her constructively and positively

–          Learn what you can change about yourself

–          Understand how to deal with conflict and at the same time provide a positive environment for your children

The great thing about growing while undergoing therapy is that it can encourage your spouse to join you in the marriage therapy sessions. When your spouse sees the positive impact of counseling on you, he or she may want to see “what it’s like” and how it has helped you.

How to encourage your spouse to also want to join in

Here are some ways to persuade your spouse to attend couples counseling sessions with you.

–          Share. Discuss with your spouse the reasons why you want to go into couples counseling. There may be instances where you feel your conflicts can be better resolved with the help of an unbiased third party who has the necessary training. Share that getting couples counseling will help you gain a deeper and better understanding of each other. You can also outline the issues you can thresh out during counseling, including problems with substance abuse, sexual disconnections, handling money and other stressors.

–          Listen. Ask and listen to your spouse as he or she discusses his or her unwillingness to go for marriage counseling. Listen to his or her reservations and feelings about the matter. Don’t start an argument or criticize him or her about his or her feelings. You can convey your disappointment but at the same time confirm that you respect his or her decision.

–          Make the appointment. After you have done all to convince your spouse and he or she is still unwilling, set the appointment with your choice of marriage therapists. Inform your spouse about the appointment (the time and date) and invite him or her to join you.

–          Get help from your therapist. Ask the therapist to help you get your spouse involved and what further steps you can take.

While you encourage your spouse to go with you to see the marriage counselor, do so lovingly and graciously. When your spouse sees you taking the steps and sees the positive changes in you, he or she will, hopefully, want to join in.

Finding a Therapist Where You Are

It is helpful to find a therapist near you. If you are residing in Provo, Utah, there are a number of reputable and highly trained marriage and family therapists to help you. One of them is Triston Morgan. With years of experience under his belt, he is also certified to provide PREPARE/ENRICH courses for engaged couples. As a practicing therapist who provides Utah marriage and family counseling, he has helped families, couples and teens. He is also a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

 

 

They say that a relationship is like a plant – you need to nurture it in order for it to grow stronger and form deeper roots. However, there may be times when storms come. During these instances, the damage done may need the intervention of a third party to help restore the health of the relationship. That is the reason why it is beneficial for couples to go for marriage counseling at certain times during their marriage. Your marriage is important enough to take some time to fix any areas that might be broken.

Don’t wait until it’s too late

The danger in waiting to go for marriage counseling occurs when things have gone too far. Don’t wait until it’s too late! Go for help as soon as there are signs of problems.

There are instances when couples just drift apart. They become too busy with the everyday things, raising children or earning a living. Then, they suddenly realize that they are not partners and lovers anymore but simply two people living under the same roof. This should be a wake up call.

In addition, when problems come to a marriage (as they invariably do) and remain unresolved, people sometimes decide to stay married, even when they are unhappy about the situation. Over time, problems, conflicts and personality clashes will result in hardened feelings and unkind actions within the relationship. Negative feelings, words, and behaviors will take their toll on the marriage. The longer you wait to get to a marriage therapist, the more damage your marriage may sustain and the more work must be done to repair these damages.

Going to a Marriage Counselor is not giving up

One thing that often stops people from going to see a marriage counselor is that they feel it is a sure sign that their marriage is in trouble and headed towards divorce. On the contrary, the willingness to go through couples counseling sessions often demonstrates the desire of both parties to find healing and restoration. You don’t go to the doctor only in instances where you are already sick. Sometimes you go for regular check-ups, so you can stay healthy. The same goes for marriage counseling.

A licensed and experienced therapist will help a lot in mapping out the path towards a stronger marriage, something that two people who are emotionally involved may be unable to do by themselves. Strong emotions may be involved, making it impossible for you to sit down and talk about your issues.

So when is a good time to go for counseling? Here are some instances or signs that you may need to attend counseling sessions:

–          You and your partner are about to get married. Counseling is not just for married people! Pre-marital counseling will help engaged couples to learn skills that will help them deal with the challenges of “being one”. Engaged couples sometimes enter into marriage with stars in their eyes, only to realize that their expectations and reality are two different things! Pre-marital counseling is the venue by which these expectations, priorities and opinions are discussed so that the couple comes into a mutual agreement about matters such as how they will handle money, where they will live, how they will “fight” and disagree, how to raise children and so on.

–          You and your partner have conflicts that you can’t seem to resolve. Disagreements with money, how to deal with in-laws, disciplining children are some more common conflicts in a marriage. You may have tried and failed to deal with these conflicts on your own. The way we each deal with these areas is based on our own patterns, fears and personalities and each of us has a little bit different viewpoint.

–          You and your partner are undergoing too much stress. A partner’s infidelity, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job or changes in one’s life may shake the foundations of a marriage. You may need to undergo counseling to help process feelings that result from these stressors and outline a plan to deal with these feelings constructively.

–          When one partner is unhappy about the marriage. Even when the other spouse does not feel likewise or doesn’t have a clue, when one partner expresses dissatisfaction about the relationship, it is not just a problem of the one person but of the relationship itself. Couples counseling can help sort out the issues that triggered this dissatisfaction and how each person contributes to it.

–          When couples don’t know how to “fight”. Let’s face it, conflicts will come in a relationship. However, some couples still have not learned how to communicate their way through the conflict. One may get aggressive while the other will choose to withdraw from the fray. One may start flinging out hurtful words that do more damage to the relationship. Still others may just turn a blind eye to a conflict and hope that it goes away. Couples can learn valuable communication and problem-solving techniques to effectively resolve an issue in counseling.

–          When the couple can’t connect emotionally or sexually. Does it feel as if the passion is gone? Or that a partner is not able to share your joys and grief and is somehow disconnected? Again, with counseling, the issues that lie behind these feelings can be brought to light and resolved.

–          You want to learn new relationship skills. This includes learning how to resolve conflict, communicating, setting goals and making evaluations.

Finding a marriage therapist

When you know it’s time to see a marriage therapist, the next step is to consider the therapist you’ll be going to. Do some preliminary research. A great therapist will have experience (especially in the areas you are concerned with). Try to find one that makes you feel comfortable, especially as you’ll be sharing very personal and intimate details about yourself and your relationship.

When you are looking for a marriage therapist in Provo, Utah, you can visit Triston Morgan. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist with years of experience in counseling, particularly with teens and those struggling with substance abuse. He is licensed to practice in the state of Utah. Triston Morgan holds a Master’s Degree and PhD in marriage and family counseling from Loma Linda University and Brigham Young University, respectively.

Do you have a happy marriage? Or is your marriage on shaky ground? Sometimes we go on in life and are not even aware that our relationship with our spouse has fallen by the wayside. Perhaps you and your spouse have busied yourself with life (and all its little details and demands) – getting the children to school every day, going to the office and facing the stresses and challenges there, working to save for a dream vacation or to pay off the mortgage and so many other things. Life may have taken over and before you know it, you and your spouse have drifted apart.

In some cases, there are red flags that indicate an unhappy marriage. In cases where it’s clearly evident that a marriage is in trouble, it’s important to get some help as soon as possible. Marriage counseling can offer a great deal of help to couples who may be struggling to make it. If you think your marriage may be in trouble, seek help! It is normally worth it to work through your difficulties and come out on the other side as a stronger family unit.

Here are some signs to watch out for if you believe your marriage is in trouble:

–          Your relationship has lost that “spark”. This may be marked by a lack of enthusiasm to see your spouse at the end of a long working day. This loss of affection may leave you or your spouse vulnerable to an extra-marital affair. When you feel that the joy and delight of being together is replaced by dullness and the feeling of being stuck in a rut, treat it as a red flag that your relationship could be headed in a negative direction.

–          Disagreements that are getting more and more frequent. It may seem that you and your spouse can’t agree on anything. You either argue about the issue or try to sweep it under the rug and not deal with it. There may be a failure to reach an agreement or compromise about a certain issue.

–          A feeling of being disconnected from the other spouse, either emotionally or physically. You feel as if you can’t connect with your spouse and share in his or her joys, disappointments or hurts.

–          Sexual tension and lack of passion in the bedroom. If your spouse would rather sleep than make love (even though it’s been quite a while since you made love), then that can be a huge red flag that your relationship is in trouble. Your spouse may create daily routines that prevent him or her from sleeping in the same bed with you. For instance, he or she may choose to work late or watch late-night television and only come to bed when you’re already asleep.

–          Lack of real communication. When there haven’t been any heartfelt conversations with your spouse lately, that can be a sign of a marriage problem. You or your partner may try to avoid having honest-to-goodness discussions for fear that it could turn into an argument. At times, it can even come to a point where you feel that you don’t really know your spouse anymore.

–          Lack of mutual respect. This is when petty arguments start getting ugly and hurtful. When one spouse is trying to undermine the other, these can be signs of severe damage in a marriage. There may be bouts of trying to humiliate a spouse in front of others, of talking about his or her shortcomings with relatives and friends. In deciding important matters in the home, you feel as if you’re trying to negotiate with an enemy instead of with a partner.

–          Lack of trust. This is when one spouse does not give the other the benefit of the doubt and would rather assume the worst.

–          Your spouse is getting secretive about e-mails, phone calls and text messages. If your spouse is jumping up and closing the door just to answer a phone call, it may be a sign that something’s up. Be observant but don’t overreact or rush to conclusions.

Stop for a while and think about these red flags. Are you seeing them in your marriage? Remember that if you let these signs go unchecked and unresolved, it can destroy your marriage. It’s important to work quickly in dealing with serious issues in your marriage. Act quickly before it’s too late.

Getting help

If you think your marriage may be in trouble, it can be helpful to consider couples counseling. Don’t make the mistake of hoping that it is just a phase and will soon go away. That may not be the case. While there is still time and your marriage has not yet sustained serious damage, marriage and family therapy can help both of you deal with the issues that are at the root of these problems.

Whatever the two of you are dealing with, it is very beneficial to see a marriage counselor to help you gain a better understanding of your situation and focus on how you, as a couple, can communicate and resolve problems.

Marriage therapists in Provo, Utah

If you are residing in Provo, Utah, feel free to contact Triston Morgan to set up an appointment. Triston is licensed to practice marriage and family counseling in the state of Utah and has years of experience dealing with couples through professional marriage counseling. With a great deal of experience in marriage and family counseling tucked under his belt, Triston Morgan can provide you with a non-confrontational environment where you can discuss the red flags you see in your relationship and discover how the two of you can effectively and constructively work through them.

 

 

Money, money, money! This is one of the main reasons why couples argue and fight, and when the differences become “irreconcilable”, the couple can face marital breakdown. In fact, finances are a hot topic for couples undergoing marriage counseling. Especially in today’s challenging economic times, couples face strained married relationships due to concerns about saving, finances, keeping a job and investing.

Money and how the family’s finances are handled can be a source of arguments and bitter disagreements. The problem with money is that based on your upbringing, personal experiences and personality, it can mean a lot of different things. Money can be viewed as a source of enjoyment, security, love, control or power. That is why two people (who have different backgrounds and personalities) living together “as one” will eventually have to tackle money problems.

Here are some reasons why couples fight about money:

–          Couples may not have the same financial upbringing. One may enjoy spending money like there’s no tomorrow while the other feels it’s important to establish a savings account.

–          One partner feels annoyed or betrayed about the other partner’s money habits.

–          One partner feels that he or she has little control concerning the finances.

Before things head for serious problems, you and your partner should sit down and discuss matters. Communicating (and coming to an agreement) about money is the first step toward putting your family’s finances in order.

Below are some tips to help you succeed with the “money talk”:

–          Discuss money when emotions are not high. It is best to set a “neutral” time where the atmosphere is relaxed and there are no pressures about money in the offing. Don’t wait for a money issue to come up before you invite your spouse to talk about money, especially if you’re already holding the credit card bill or the unbalanced check book.

–          Communicate. Try to uncover your spouse’s feelings and views about money. To do this, you may have to start by sharing your own feelings and thoughts on the matter. You may need to discuss your family background (how your parents handled money), your financial goals and aspirations. This may also include a discussion of what level of saving/spending you feel comfortable with.

–          Set guidelines. Agree with your spouse about guidelines as to how and when you will discuss money matters. For instance, you can agree that you will not discuss money in public, in front of your children, while you’re in bed or driving in the car. You can also agree to avoid the use of words such as “you never” or “you always”.  A non-attacking approach using I statements (i.e. “I feel” or “I think” should be used instead. You can agree not to make threats during money discussions such as “If you spend this much, I will divorce you.”

–          Make agreements on how to handle money. Who pays for which expenses? Will the money be pooled together? Who handles bill payments and bookkeeping?

–          Set goals. Identify short term and long term financial goals for your family. Long term goals cover where you want to be financially in five years, ten years. Your long term goals may include saving up for a child’s education, saving a certain amount of money as down payment for a dream house, saving up for a dream vacation, or paying off certain debts. Short term goals may include setting up a weekly budget and a plan on how to stick to it, opening a savings account, getting rid of a credit card and so on.

–          Agree to be accountable. Marriage is a partnership and each spouse is accountable to the other as they together work to meet the financial goals they have set. This does not necessarily mean that you have to report to your spouse on every dollar you spend. However, this does mean that you should not keep spending secrets from your spouse.

–          Get some help. If your money arguments seem to be circling around without getting resolved, it may be time to get a third party to help. A marriage counselor can do a lot to help you as a couple to sort out money issues you may be struggling with.

Marriage Counseling and how it can help

An emotionally charged topic such as money can set off bombs in the relationship. An experienced marriage therapist can equip couples with vital tools to help them deal with key financial issues. This includes hashing out the differences in each spouse’s financial outlook and attitudes. The family counseling sessions can uncover damaging financial habits and outline the path towards freedom from these habits.

All kinds of problems can stem from financial problems. In some cases, one of the marital partners may have sought temporary help from drugs or alcohol in order to alleviate the burden of financial problems. A substance abuse counselor is helpful in discussing issues such as these, as well as any sex-related problems in the marriage.

For those located in Provo, Utah who are searching for a licensed and experienced therapist to help with any of these issues, call Triston Morgan. He is a professional marriage and family therapist in the state of Utah. For years, he has helped couples, families and teens recover from many types of problems and emerge stronger as a unit.

Triston Morgan has a master’s degree and PhD in marriage and family therapy from Loma Linda University and Brigham Young University, respectively. He is licensed to provide PREPARE/ENRICH courses that can help to prepare couples for a long and happy marriage in the Provo, Utah area.