Comfort is often found in the food we grew up with as a child. I have fond memories of camping in the mountains with hot dogs and s’mores over the fire, pizza at parties with soft drinks, and the decadent desserts we enjoyed as a family. Unfortunately, these foods are what contributed to me getting sick.

After making what many people viewed as a drastic change in my eating, I started bringing my own food to parties and family gatherings. Raw pizza with plenty of green salad and fruit graced my plate as I noticed weird looks from others at the table. Occasionally someone got up the nerve to ask what I was eating, making looks and comments of disgust after finding out. This hurt my feelings as I took their words to heart and I began withdrawing from these events to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

Not long afterward, however, I realized this was only hurting me so I decided not to allow their comments or actions determine what I ate and how I felt. As I took care of myself, I became more confident and healthy and others took notice.

Friends and family asked me different questions with genuine interest. These were perfect opportunities for me to help educate them about the reasons I decided to eat more raw foods and the many benefits I received because of it. Sometimes they asked if they could taste my food followed by a request for the recipes. I was elated and appreciated their authenticity.

Many people struggle in social situations because they have different nutritional needs due to food allergies and ill health. If this is you, here are some great tips to help you navigate the occasion with ease.

TIPS FOR THE GUEST:

1. Eat before you go so you are full and can enjoy socializing without worrying about the food.
2. Position yourself in a different part of the room away from the food as you talk.
3. Bring something to share with everyone that your family or friends love. Be ready to share the recipe.
4. Choose larger amounts of the foods you can have like the salads, fruit, vegetables, etc. and skip what you’ll regret later.
5. Go early to help the host prepare the food and politely ask if you can leave the croutons on the side of the salad instead of putting them in, for example.
6. If the host takes extra care to make something special for you, be sure to thank them and show your appreciation for their extra attention to detail.
7. Put your thick skin on and don’t worry about what other people say about your food. Realize that many people aren’t trying to be insensitive, they genuinely want to understand your situation. Educate them about it and be open, honest and kind in your replies.
8. If you are the parent of a child with special food needs, bring something for them to eat and/or share to ease the burden of the host.
9. Teach your child to be polite and not make a big deal about what they can’t eat or don’t like. They can decline what is being offered and thank the host for their hospitality.
10. Keep your conversation about a variety of different topics other than just food. Be interesting and genuinely interested in others.

TIPS FOR THE HOST:

If you are the host of the event, you may want to prepare ahead with the following suggestions.

1. On the invitations…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by:Wendy Thueson

In speaking with Jared about his race experience, it turns out that he was not utilizing his statistics knowledge to determine his race pace.  It was more about how he felt during the race.  Jared said, “I went into the race knowing what pace I could run.  When they (Tyler Pennell, Galen Rupp, and Meb Keflezighi) took off faster, I realized I couldn’t run that pace and decided to not cover their move completely hoping at least one of them would come back to me.”  However, Jared did increase his pace from around 5:05 to 4:50, then back to around 5:00 for a while to not let them get too far away.  There are so many physical and psychological factors that go into performance that being too set on a specific pace will often lead to hampered performance.  Jared tries to combine what he knows about his ability and what occurs during the race, “I focus on balancing what others are doing in their strategy with the pacing strategy that I’m hoping for on that given day.”

Among amateur racers, we often see more of a focus on reacting to what others do more than what is best for an individual strategy.  While watching the 2016 Utah High School State Championships for track and field in May, I noticed how many different strategies there were for pacing.

Lap splits are included in the results for the Utah State Meet.  Browsing through those makes it clear that pacing mistakes were made.  In some cases, a fast early pace leads to very slow final laps.  Other athletes begin the race very slowly and even with finishing fast, end up many places beneath their potential.

Overall, a nearly even pacing strategy through the majority of the race will lead to the best possible times.  In the 1994 Los Angeles Marathon, Paul Pilkington was paid to be a rabbit through 25km.  He went out at the correct pace, but the other athletes did not stay with him.  He felt strong and decided he might as well finish.  With a two-minute lead, he continued on at a similar pace.  He crossed the line in 2:12:13 winning $27,000 and a Mercedes.  After the race he had to rush home to teach his writing class at Washington High School the next morning and trade in his family van that had 100,000 miles on it.

Motivated runners can push themselves to the limits of performance.  Starting a race too fast and finishing with great effort, but a slow time is not nearly as fun at racing at the right pace and achieving a personal record.

Jared learned from his master’s thesis that even experienced runners tend to start too fast.  He studied split times from the Saint George Marathon and found those that achieved their time goals had the third quarter of the race as the fastest, while the majority that failed in their time goals ran the first quarter as their fastest.  So, choose the right average pace from training results with a coach’s help, run that pace early on, and see how your body responds in the final stages.

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by: Ian Hunter, PhD

In movie theaters, we love the thrill of sitting on the edge of our seats watching as a suffering character gets the antidote to their trouble in the nick of time.  Whether it’s a fairy tale princess waiting for true love’s kiss, Harry Potter and his friends casting spells, or a poisoned superhero anticipating the arrival of a healing solution—we love our struggling heroes to succeed in the end.  But the excitement is not the same when we, as the heroes and heroines of our own lives, struggle and wish for a solution in our own marriages.

Luckily, many great marriages are successful due to antidotes that you can use, too.  In our last issue, I outlined six signs that your marriage could be in trouble.  The solution to these symptoms is provided by John Gottman and his 40 years of successful marital research.  Follow his principles (or antidotes) and you will be on your way to a happier and healthier marriage.

Principle 1 – Enhance Your Love Maps

Become “intimately familiar with each other’s world,” as John Gottman would put it. Knowing each other’s goals, fears, desires, story, and history will go a long way in creating a marriage that lasts. Do you know your partner’s best and worst childhood memories? Do you know what stresses them during the day? Do you know the important people in your partner’s life (friends, potential friends, rivals or enemies)?

Principle 2 – Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

This is the antidote for “contempt” that I spoke about in my last article. Fondness and admiration for your partner includes having respect and love for them. It isn’t a complicated process—simply increase your positive feelings towards your partner. Fond memories and interpretations of what is happening presently in your relationship is key.

Principle 3 – Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away

If you want a key to romance and a good sex life, here it is. Turning towards your partner means to emotionally reach for and lean towards them in difficult and easy times. When your partner sends you the message “I need you” – do you reach out for them? If not, then start reaching out for them emotionally and physically.

Principle 4 – Let Your Partner Influence You

This one is more for the guys (although it’s important for the gals too). John Gottman found that when a man in a relationship accepts influence from his partner, they are more likely to have a happier marriage.  Making decisions together, showing respect for each other’s opinions, and sharing the power will increase the ability for your marriage to succeed.

Principle 5 – Solve Your Solvable Problems…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Check out our newest issue!

Local Utah Valley professionals give expert advice on a variety of health and wellness topics. Learn about healing pornography addictions, freeing yourself from headaches, nutrition, principles of healthy marriages and more.

Enjoy!

Whether you consider yourself agnostic, Buddhist, Hindu, Latter-Day Saint, atheist, Evangelical Christian, Catholic, or, as journalist A.J. Jacobs humorously defined himself, “Jewish in the same way the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant,” this article is for you.

In the previous article of this series we (1) recognized the resurgence of spirituality in the realm of psychotherapy and healthcare, (2) identified a pragmatic need for trained psychotherapists in areas of spiritual and religious competencies, and (3) provided basic tips on how to find a licensed clinician to help work through issues of faith in a therapeutic setting. This article will help provide clarity for the term “spiritual health” when setting goals, as well as provide some initial recommendations on how to enhance your spiritual health.

The World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations (UN) have recognized the significance spirituality plays in overall health and wellness going as far as to state, “Health ultimately depends on the ability to manage successfully the interaction between the physical, spiritual, biological and economic/social environment.” (Protection and Promotion of Human Health, Chapter 6.3). However, the question remains, how are we to define spiritual health?

I personally appreciate Dhar, Chaturvedi, & Nandan’s (2011) definition of spiritual health:

“Spiritual health is a state of being where an individual is able to deal with day-to-day life in a manner which leads to the realization of one’s full potential, meaning and purpose of life, and happiness from within… Spiritual health is a state of health reflected through three domains- Self-Evolution, Self-Actualization and Transcendence.” …(read more)

Originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness

When Julie and Chris (not their real names) entered my office, they were not looking at each other. I could tell they had been in a fight recently, and that it had been a bad one. They told me it started last night when Chris came home late from work and didn’t tell Julie where he had been. When asked about it, Chris became defensive. “Can’t I come home without getting the third degree?! I’ve been working hard all day to support this family!” He told Julie to stop being “such a nag.” Julie shot back a quick remark about his incompetence as a father because he had missed their son’s basketball game, again.

Whether it plays out in marital therapy or in many of your homes, this isn’t an uncommon scenario. What I told Julie and Chris surprised them. I told them the fact that they fought wasn’t the problem. The fact that they argued wasn’t (read more)

In generations past, issues of faith and spirituality were often deferred to clergy and chaplains.  It could easily be argued that psychology, as a discipline, has maintained a reputation for reducing issues of faith and belief to mere symptoms of other issues, thereby discrediting the significance and importance of the subject matter itself. However, things are changing.  Ironically, as Len Sperry from Florida Atlantic University recognizes, “[Today], more individuals in various cultural contexts are increasingly seeking out psychotherapists and other practitioners, rather than ministers or spiritual guides, to deal with these concerns or foster their spiritual growth and development.” (Sperry, 2014)  This calls for a new breed of psychotherapist.  One who is not only skilled in matters of psychological, emotional, relational, and cognitive health, but also one who understands the various theoretical approaches to religious studies and the ethical implications of such for their clients.

The subject of spirituality has recently experienced a resurgence of supporters within the discipline of psychotherapy.  Mindfulness  techniques have become essential pillars used in such third generation behavioral therapies as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT).  Integrative health models will often include spiritual health alongside emotional, mental, social, and physical health.  But what exactly does spiritual healthmean?  What place does religion, belief, faith, and spiritual practice have within a therapeutic setting?  And what role can a therapist serve regarding such issues?

Spirituality is such a deeply personal and subjective concept that many mental health clinicians pay little to no attention to it in therapy (except perhaps briefly asking one or two questions while completing a “psychosocial assessment”).  And it’s not their fault. Chances are, such clinicians have had little to no formal education or training on issues of religion, existentialism, or spirituality as a whole.

As a marriage and family therapist by training, I am reminded every session about how my personal experiences, biases, and values affect the therapeutic relationship and overall well-being of my clients.  When I am looking for a therapist to refer colleagues, family members, or friends, I look for the following three qualities:

• A licensed professional with an appropriate level of education/training to treat the particular issues bringing the client into session.

• Someone who authentically recognizes the limits of personal biases (we all have them).

• Someone who empathically collaborates with their clients from a place of acceptance and compassion.

When working on issues of faith in a therapeutic setting, the same applies.  If you are interested in working through issues of faith or spirituality with a therapist, I also recommend the following suggestions: Take your time to find someone you feel comfortable with, and who simultaneously challenges you to grow. Be clear about what you are looking for in therapy.  Perhaps it’s wanting to learn how spirituality paired with therapeutic techniques can bolster resiliency.  Perhaps you are experiencing feelings of shame and perfectionistic tendencies which can be counterproductive to living the life you want to live.  Or perhaps you or a loved one is experiencing a crisis of faith and you need the support from a nonjudgemental, yet knowledgeable, third party.  Whatever your needs, find a therapist who you feel understands your journey and is comfortable exploring such sensitive issues with confidence.
*Please be sure to check in on the next article in this three-part series, where we explore the qualities which help define spiritual health, and five benefits of integrating spirituality with psychotherapy.

originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

Kenneth Jeppesen joined the American Fork Center for Couples and Families in 2015. He is a master at knowing what it takes for couples to be successful in their relationships. Kenneth uses the “Gottman Method” in the counseling room and has presented all across Utah Valley on this topic. This method is based on decades of successful marital research by John Gottman. With skill and precision, Kenneth helps clients apply these findings in a way that produces happiness in relationships.

Kenneth specializes in marriage counseling, depression, anxiety and faith-based crisis counseling.

Listening sounds easy. But it’s not. Real listening takes effort and skill.

Listening isn’t passing the time until the speaker runs out of things to say. Or mentally finding fault with the speaker’s argument so you can shoot down their logic. Or waiting for the speaker to take a breath so you can interrupt. These kinds of listening patterns can create a small war!

Therapists use a technique called “reflective listening” that can be useful for everyone. Reflective listening is different from the communication styles you grew up with (unless you are the child of psychotherapists), and is built on four main principles:

1. Reflective listening is present in the moment. When listening, you don’t let your mind wander. You stay present with the speaker and give her your full attention.

2. Reflective listening uses aligned body language. A reflective listener takes approximately (read more)

March 16, 7:00pm @ American Fork Library.

The American Fork Center for Couples and Families – Marriage therapist Kenneth Jeppesen will condense 40 years of marital research and teach you how to have a happier marriage. His last presentation in Orem on this topic was standing room only. Come early to get a seat!