Have you ever felt like you either had to avoid eating a certain type of food, or you had to eat it all, and there was no in-between? This way of thinking is often linked to emotional eating and can cause you to feel out of control with food. Emotional eating can impact your ability to cope with emotions in healthy ways. There is a way to break these habits and establish healthy eating patterns.

Comfort Food    

One of the most common emotional reasons for eating is a desire for comfort. However, while food may offer some temporary relief, the most common feelings that come after comfort eating are shame, guilt, or self-loathing. In addition to these emotional consequences, comfort eating often results in physical discomfort and digestive issues, which are anything but comforting.

Strategies

 Consider the following steps to combat any type of emotional eating:

Find healthy ways to manage emotions. Many individuals find it easier to numb their emotions rather than actually feeling them. Geneen Roth, author and expert on emotional eating, has said, “If you don’t allow a feeling to begin, you also don’t let it end.” Professional counselors often help individuals learn how to experience, process, and work through varied emotions in healthy ways. One strategy you can use is to make a list of self-soothing strategies, and refer to that list when you want to eat for comfort. This list may include ideas for social connection, relaxation, physical activity, journaling, or self-pampering.

Eat enough during the day. Not eating enough during the day not only slows your metabolism down, it also sets you up for extreme hunger and overeating later in the day. When extreme hunger sets in, you may eat so quickly that you reach an uncomfortable level of fullness. Even if you think you are not hungry during the day, you have likely gotten so used to your pattern of eating that you easily ignore hunger. By the end of the day when you have more down time, your brain has time to register how hungry you are. If you feel ravenous, you likely did not get enough to eat during the day… (read the rest of the story)

Written by: Lauren Absher, MPH, RD, CD

Originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness magazine

“Could you make sure to clean the kitchen today?” My wife asked, eyebrows raised. I hesitated trying to think of something to say. I felt my chest tighten and my breathing get shallow. She cocked her head, “What’s wrong?” I stumbled to explain everything I had to do that day without actually saying “No.” Tension began to fill the room. I knew she was comparing her structured nine to five job to my odd therapy schedule that gives me more time at home. I knew she was wondering why more didn’t get done around the house, and I thought about what it must look like from her perspective, to leave in the morning with me at my computer, and come home eight hours later to find me in the same place. How hard is it to fold some laundry, after all? Her forehead crinkled, “I don’t understand why you can’t put thirty minutes aside and clean the kitchen.”

This is a pretty mundane example of the type of things married people argue about. It seems like a pretty simple matter on the surface. The discussion was about doing chores. So why did I feel cornered? Why did something as simple as cleaning the kitchen make me feel so much anxiety? This argument was about more than simply cleaning the kitchen. I felt torn between two demands of great importance: my career or my wife’s good will. I keenly felt the burden of my family’s future resting on my shoulders, and what seemed like an endless to-do list. How could I stop working on that to do something as trivial as cleaning? What good was a clean kitchen if we were drowning in student loan debt? But not cleaning the kitchen meant the evaporation of marital bliss. How could I focus on my work with an upset wife on my mind? Either way, I was in trouble.

Any fly on the wall seeing our argument probably would have thought the issue was as simple as a lazy husband not wanting to do chores. But as in almost every argument, there was something deeper going on below the surface. To my wife, this was not merely a matter of having a clean kitchen. For her, it was about peace of mind. Coming home to a messy house after a hard day adds more stress. When the house is messy, it makes her mind feel chaotic and disordered too. Not only that, but a dirty house reminds her of the instability of growing up with a father who had bipolar disorder and refused to take his medicine. The issue of cleaning the kitchen was proxy for some deeper concerns. For me it was about earning enough to take care of my wife and to prepare for children. For my wife it was about feeling safety and peace in her own home.

Arguments can draw a couple closer together, or they can drive a wedge between them. What makes the difference? That question has a few answers, but one of the big things is whether we ever get to the deeper meanings under the surface of the fight. If we stay on the surface, we may have conclusion, but we won’t have resolution; whether I did the cleaning or not, I would have had stress and felt disconnected from my wife. That’s because what I needed, and what every person needs, is to know and feel that their partner understands and respects them. The reason we had an argument had nothing to do with cleaning at all, it was really about her basic need for safety, and my basic need for competence. We couldn’t fix the problem until we acknowledged the source of our strong emotions and what the fight was really about.

The moment we feel understood by our partner, we can think clearly, and then it’s easy to do problem solving. Next time you’re arguing and feeling upset, ask yourself about the deeper issue behind the disagreement. Find out from your partner what their position means to them. Empathize with their thoughts and feelings, and see how much easier it is to resolve arguments.

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by: Kenneth Jeppesen, LAMFT, MMFT

Kenneth is a therapist at the American Fork Center for Couples and Families and is a licensed associate marriage and family therapist. He enjoys helping individuals and couples find peace and happiness and spends the rest of his time learning about everything!

As I have traveled across Scandinavian and Europe recently, I have noticed one thing – people are the same everywhere. They need love, connection, relationships and seek for happiness. As I was with my wife in Oslo, Norway at Fronger Park (most notably known for the ‘Angry Baby’ statue), I noticed several couples showing interesting tendencies. One couple I noticed was on a date. They were sitting in the grass with a bottle of wine and food between them. They were leaning towards each other – literally. I could tell that they were on a date and enjoying themselves and each other. Another couple I saw were in obvious distress. The woman was laying on the grass, turned away from her husband who was standing 10 feet from her looking the opposite direction. She seemed angry as she was in tears and holding her child. I happened to run across this couple a few times in the park. I never saw them talk to each other and the look on the woman’s face remained upset. I could tell that they were in the middle of an argument and not getting along.

When I work in counseling with couples, I often notice where the couple is ‘leaning’ – literally and figuratively. Researcher Dr. John Gottman has found that this matters to the health of your relationship. Do we find ourselves leaning into our spouse when things get difficult or do we lean out? Leaning in towards your spouse might help you find solutions to your problems that you might not find on your own.

Most of us try to avoid uncomfortable emotions. Who likes to feel sad, depressed, lonely, hurt, scared or betrayed? Don’t we try to NOT feel this way? Some may even engage in unhealthy behaviors to avoid their emotions.  I encountered this as a common theme in my work at drug and alcohol rehab facilities.  Though it may be unpleasant, I propose that if we want to feel the comfortable emotions in life, we have to get good at feeling the ones that are not so comfortable.

It is important to realize that uncomfortable emotions are not bad.  We all experience a myriad of emotions; some make us feel better than others.  Because of the discomfort that comes with some, many try to avoid them all together, take them out on others, or deal with them in unhealthy ways.  The trick to dealing with emotions in a healthy manner is not to get rid of them, but rather to embrace them and then let them go.  As I work with couples or individuals in therapy, I often review three simple steps to dealing with emotions:

1. Recognize: Identifying what we are feeling is the first step. If we don’t know what we are feeling, then we will not be able to do anything with it. It will unwittingly control us. When I ask a client what they are feeling they will often reply, “I’m angry.” Anger, however, is what I call a false emotion. It only exists as it attaches itself to what we originally felt. For example, if someone were to post something mean about you on social media it might make you feel hurt. What is our natural reaction to something like this? We might want to lash out at that person. This is us embracing anger instead of hurt. In this case, the anger covers up the hurt and offers the illusion that it is protecting us—that it is keeping us safe from future hurt—when all it is doing is making it so that we remain hurt. Anger is insatiable. It can never be satisfied. Have you ever felt good after embracing your anger? No. We feel even more angry. That is why I call anger a false emotion. Let anger be the first sign that you are actually feeling something else. Ask yourself the question, “What am Ireally feeling?” in order to recognize your true emotions.
2. Feel: This is the hardest step. After we have recognized that we feel hurt, for example, we usually don’t want to embrace that feeling. This goes back to not wanting to feel uncomfortable feelings. When we allow ourselves to feel these emotions, we then have power to do something with them. Consider the following example: You have a couch in your house that you really detest. This is the ugliest, most horrible piece of furniture ever created. It is so ugly that no one will touch it. How do you handle it? You can’t magically make it disappear—you actually have to pick it up and move it yourself. It seems ironic that in order to move something out of your house that you don’t like, you actually have to get closer to it and touch it. The same goes for our emotions. When we feel them (get closer to them, touch them, pick them up) then we have the power to do something with them.
3. Cope: This is the step most people want to skip straight to. We want to cope with or let go of our emotions without feeling them. But doing this can get us into trouble. When we try to cope with our emotions without first picking them up, what we are really doing is distracting ourselves from feeling something uncomfortable. This is similar to taking a blanket and covering the ugly couch in our house—it’s still there! What we choose to distract ourselves with (i.e., social media, pornography, substances, food, work) then becomes our go-to every time we feel uncomfortable, and an addiction is born. Coping with an emotion involves not forcing it to leave and not forcing it to stay. We let it go after it has run its course. Then we can do something that helps us recover—such as reading a book or talking with a friend.

Learning to deal with uncomfortable emotions can feel counterintuitive at times. Our initial response may be to react with anger or push them away.  But, as we practice embracing our feelings in order to let them go, we will develop habits that will improve our emotional health and overall internal peace.

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by: Triston Morgan, PhD, LMFT

Dr. Morgan is a director and co-owner of Center for Couples and Families, a counseling center, in Utah Valley. He is licensed as a PhD marriage and family therapist, and is originally from Oregon. He and his beautiful wife, Cristina, love to travel and see the world.

In post-war England, most children’s hospitals had a visitor’s policy that may shock you: children in long-term treatment for serious conditions were only allowed about one hour per week of visiting time from their parents. The prevailing thought was that too much “molly-coddling” would weaken the child.

A psychologist named John Bowlby didn’t agree. He did research to demonstrate that when parents visited, kids did better – they were happier, and their physical well-being improved during the short visits from parents. Dr Bowlby went on to develop the theory of attachment, which states that children rely on a secure base (usually their parents) to feel safe, gain confidence, and thrive in a difficult and complicated world. Ongoing research showed that kids who were given lots of attention and unconditional love were happier, healthier, and grew up to be more successful in many ways.

Parent-child bonds grow in both good times and bad times. Positive moments between kids and parents are memorable and important, but so are the caring responses parents give to kids who are physically or emotionally hurt. You might remember going to your parents after falling off the jungle gym or being bullied. They couldn’t always “fix” your problems, but injuries and disappointments were somehow magically repaired with hugs, kisses, and kind words. The sense of security and love you felt took the edge off the pain, and increased your overall confidence.

Recognizing and reinforcing your role as a secure base for your kids might be the greatest gift you can give them as a parent. Here are four ways you can build on this relationship:

Time

One of the big questions in parenting, which is more important: quality time, or quantity time? How about both! Quantity is important – spending time with someone leads to a feeling of comfort and safety, which inspires open conversation. The precious moment when your child opens up to you only comes after hours of seemingly mundane shared time. Quality time is also important: this doesn’t have to be fun parks and ice cream, it just means giving that person your full attention. We all know what it feels like to be with someone who isn’t really there. Rolling the ball along the floor with your toddler is one of the best ways to connect with them, unless you’re talking on the phone with someone else the whole time.

Touch

To some this comes easily, but to others…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

With beautiful weather now emerging from the chill of early spring, many locals are gearing up to go play in the great outdoors. There are many outdoor activities to choose from here in Utah Valley, and opportunities to try something new around every corner. Have you ever driven by a gorgeous green golf course and thought to yourself, “That looks like fun!” as you watch the players driving and putting in their beautiful surroundings? Perhaps you have even thought about trying golf, but weren’t quite sure where to begin. Well, luckily for you, Utah Valley Health and Wellness got with PGA Golf Professional Ryan Rhees to find out what you need to know to get on the green. Here are his answers to some common questions beginners have about golf:

What kind of costs can a person expect to see to start playing golf?

There are a couple of answers to this question.  To go to a golf course and putt and chip at their practice area usually costs nothing, and you can stay and practice as long as you like.  To hit balls on the driving range will usually cost between $5 and $10 for a bucket of range balls. To play on the course gets a little more expensive.  It will generally run about $12-$15 for 9 holes walking, and $24-$30 to walk 18 holes.  Renting clubs, if you do not have your own, will cost about $10- $20 depending on the course.  To purchase clubs you will pay anywhere from $200 up to $2,000 for a set, depending on how expensive you want to go.  So the answer to the question is it can be expensive, but you can also practice your short game and hit balls on the range for much less.

Is it better to buy your own clubs or just rent a set?

 If you want to play more than a couple of times a year, it’s better to purchase your own clubs.  As stated above, it will generally run between $200 up to $2,000 for a set of clubs and a bag—depending on how much you want to spend.  Most courses have rental sets, and here at Spanish Oaks we don’t charge to use our rental clubs on the range or on the practice putting greens, we only charge to use them on the course.  So, if you are a beginner, you can come hit balls and use our rental sets to give golf a try before you go out and purchase your own set of clubs.

What are the different clubs and equipment included in a golf bag?

A standard set of clubs consists of 14 clubs.  Generally the set makeup is as follows: Driver, fairway wood, 1 or 2 hybrid clubs, putter, set of irons (4,5,6,7,8,9), pitching wedge, and sand wedge. The clubs that can hit the ball the farthest are the woods. The degree of loft (angle of the club face in relation to the shaft) increases with the number of the club. As the loft of the club increases, so does the height of the shot, which translates into a shorter distance the ball will travel. The wedges have the highest loft of any golf club. This allows the player to hit the ball short distances as well as get it high in the air.

Should you sign up for lessons or simply just “start swinging”?

You can certainly just come to the driving range and start hitting balls to see how you like it, but it does help to get some professional instruction at some point to learn the fundamentals of the golf swing.  Lessons can run anywhere from $25 – $150 for an individual lesson, or some courses offer group lessons for a discounted price.

Is it better to practice on a driving range or practice by playing rounds?

I think it is better to start on the driving range for a few practice sessions before going on the golf course.  This will give the player a chance to learn how to hit the ball and get used to it, as well as learn how far they can hit with the different clubs before getting on the course.  They should also do some practice around the practice putting green before going on the course…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Photo courtesy Spanish Oaks Golf Course

The two preceding articles in this three-part series recognized the resurgence of spirituality in therapy, identified a need for psychotherapists trained in spiritual and religious competencies, provided tips on how to find a licensed clinician who is right for you, and explored three domains of spiritual wellness.  This third and final article will address five potential benefits of spiritually integrated therapy.

I recently listened to both a psychologist’s lecture on integrated healthcare, and a book on parenting written by a world renowned researcher/therapist who devoted her career to understanding guilt, shame, vulnerability and whole-hearted living.  Both scholars spoke of spirituality as being a resilience factor.  This got me thinking about how spiritually integrated therapy may serve some of my clients, so I came up with a list of five potential benefits of spiritually integrated therapy:

1. Enhancing Protective Factors: A so-called “protective factor” is anything a person incorporates into their life which effectively decreases the likelihood of harm.  You can think of it as the opposite of a “risk factor.”  A growing body of research has shown that spiritual health and positive religious practices can in fact serve as a protective factor for a wide variety of issues across populations (i.e. hazardous substance use, suicidality, self-harm, eating disorders, etc.).  In therapy, exploring how spiritual practice can serve as a protective factor may be beneficial.
2. Increasing Stress Resilience: Those who manage stress effectively have incorporated resilience practices into their regular lifestyle.  Spiritually integrated psychotherapy recognizes spiritual health as an essential component of whole and complete living.  Therapy may explicitly discuss spiritual or religious coping strategies the client uses to solve problems, elicit a sense of meaningfulness to stressful life events, and/or learn skills to “weather the storm” in a profoundly purposeful way.  A common element among various faith traditions is an active willingness to practice non-judgmental acceptance.  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) suggests stress-resiliency is enhanced as we actively challenge our experiential avoidance of unpleasant emotions (i.e. anxiety, fear, pain) by engaging in value-based action while accepting that meaningful living does not begin when discomfort ends… it begins now.
3. Using Culturally Relevant Language…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

We all remember what it was like to play outdoors as children. We were free to get messy, run around to our hearts content, and use our wildest imaginations. I remember spending my summer days running around catching fireflies with neighborhood kids until nightfall, playing tag and rolling down hills. It felt amazing – and for good reason.

Studies show that playing outdoors instead of indoors positively impacts children’s mental and physical health (Clements, 2004; Bell and Dyment, 2006).  Outdoor play stimulates the growth and development of the brain, helping kids to think clearer and enhancing their ability to learn.  Studies also show that children sleep better after getting fresh air. Researcher Rhonda Clements states, “Outdoor play offers children opportunities to explore their community; enjoy sensory experiences with dirt, water, sand, and mud; find or create their own places for play; collect objects and develop hobbies; and increase their liking for physical activity.”

But times have changed. Kids are playing outside less and multimedia devices – cell phones, tablets and computers – are everywhere. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children are…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Check out our newest issue!

Local Utah Valley professionals give expert advice on a variety of health and wellness topics. Learn about healing pornography addictions, freeing yourself from headaches, nutrition, principles of healthy marriages and more.

Enjoy!

Though there is still some debate among researchers about the effects of pornography use on individuals, research has consistently shown that regularly viewing pornography can have negative effects on relationships—particularly if one’s partner disapproves of said pornography use. Sometimes, negative effects sneak up on a user and shape the way he or she views the world, without them even realizing it. Many of the following experiences hold true for both men and women who regularly view pornography, but for simplicity, we will focus mainly on the effects on men:

1. Physical sexual dysfunction.

Since pornography is most frequently a solo sexual experience, when it comes time to engage in relational sexual experiences many men struggle to perform optimally due to the desensitization pornography has caused. There are many reports of pornography-induced sexual dysfunction which often leads to emotional problems and tension in relationships.

2. Women may be portrayed as objects.

Since the majority of pornography portrays men as dominant or sexually coercive and shows that women enjoy this dynamic, pornography users tend to believe that this is realistically what they can expect sex to be like with their partner. Unfortunately, this sends the message to women that they should act like objects who aren’t supposed to feel pain, whose desires don’t matter, and who should have strong positive emotional responses whenever a man wants them to—regardless of how they really feel.

3. Lowered satisfaction with sex… (read more)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness