All of us, from cradle to grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figures. – Dr. John Bowlby

Have we really cracked the code on love and romantic bonding? Perhaps. Scientists, poets, and lovers have long grappled with the question: “What makes romantic love work?” Through the work of Dr. Sue Johnson and the development of Emotionally Focused Therapy, it looks like we have an answer.

Through decades of research on the importance of emotional bonding and what it is like to feel disconnected, isolated, and alone, relationship researchers are starting to unravel the mystery of love and adult romantic bonding and how to mend loving ties. The truth is, we are all hard-wired to connect to one another. This drive to connect is infinitely stronger in family and romantic relationships. To be emotionally isolated is harsh on our brains. Loving connections offer us a safe haven to go to where we can maintain our emotional balance, deal with stress, and respond more lovingly to our romantic partners. Essentially, when those connections are secure and strong, love is safe; love flourishes.

Unfortunately, disconnections between couples do happen and frustration, sadness, and anger are all too common in marital relationships. When those secure and loving bonds are threatened, emotional “primal panic” and a cycle of negative interactions ensues. These wounds can be difficult to repair for couples when left to their own abilities, and therapy is often the last step before looking to end the relationship. Unfortunately, many well-meaning therapists utilize their individual-based, time-tested techniques and attempt to apply them to relational interactions, which usually has little effect in restoring their loving bonds. In addition, many therapeutic techniques focus on helping partners change behaviors or thoughts, or teaching them communication skills. The common result from these approaches and techniques is that they usually struggle to gain traction, and the couple leaves therapy with less hope than before.

But there is hope. Within the last 25 years, a substantial amount of research has emerged that gives hope to couples on the brink and helps them tune in to their underlying emotions, identify their negative patterns of interaction, repair their attachment, and eventually create new patterns of bonding and positive interactions. This model is Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Grounded in the theory of attachment, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an experiential, short term, structured, and tested model of therapy designed to help couples identify their negative communication patterns, interrupt this pattern, and create more positive, bonding, and secure emotional patterns. EFT does not see individuals as “sick” or unskilled, but rather “stuck in habitual ways of dealing with emotions with others in key moments.” As the title reflects, priority is given to emotion as a key organizer of inner experiences. EFT looks within the emotional experience of the couples and how they navigate their emotional connectedness. Dr. Sue Johnson has said, “The EFT therapist has a map. A map to relationships and how they work. A map to how they go wrong. And map to what is needed to put them right.”

A substantial body of research has shown promising results of the effectiveness of EFT. Research studies find that 70-75 percent of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements. EFT is being used with many different kinds of couples in private practice, university training centers and hospital clinics, and many different cultural groups throughout the world. These distressed couples include partners suffering from disorders such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorders and chronic illness.

In my work with couples, EFT has resonated with them on many levels. No longer are couples focused on fights and long-standing disagreements about specific content or trying to change the other person. When couples go through the process of EFT, perpetual problems are framed as negative disconnections that are about protests by each partner for a more loving connection and emotional safety. EFT takes the blame out of conflict and resentment and moves to fighting together against a common enemy—the negative pattern. As couples progress through the stages and steps of EFT and begin to accesses deeper emotions that underlie their struggle for connection, a new interaction emerges as individual partners see and experience each other differently. When partners experience each other as more accessible, responsive, and engaged, old wounds and negative patterns are healed, and love and emotional safety thrives.

Originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

Written by Dr. Jeremy Boden

As I work with individuals and couples, I like to educate them on how our brains and our bodies impact our relationships. Understanding the correlation between these elements seems easy enough, however, I often get the question, “How do I change my brain?” The answer to this question is a great starting point to create healing and allow new interactions to take place.

Our brains are wired for connection. Each interaction we have either strengthens or weakens the connections in our brains, thus influencing the relationships with those around us. The ability to allow one or two more heartbeats before reacting or responding to one’s partner is the ultimate goal. The better you are able to emotionally regulate (by allowing more heartbeats before reacting), the more positive your interactions with others can be.

There are many ways you can impact emotion regulation and the ability to create new experiences that improve relationship interactions. Some are easier than others, and some have been targeted to help with other areas of life. I’d like to highlight two very important ways to help increase heart rate variability and improve cognitive functioning so you are better prepared the next time you might want to fly off the handle. They are exercise and sleep.

Everyone knows that exercise is good for physical health, but it also has great implications for mental health and relationship health. Increased exercise impacts the way your heart pumps blood. Long-term exercise increases your heart’s efficiency in pumping blood to the body. It doesn’t have to work so hard, and this increases heart rate variability, or the amount of time in between heart beats in a given minute. Increased heart rate variability means more regulation (more parasympathetic, or calming, influences) on the heart, and thus, more flexibility in emotional responses. This means that you have more capacity to keep the breaks on when your fight or flight response is triggered, allowing you more time to thinking critically, solve problems, or socially engage before flying off the handle and reacting to environmental stimuli.

Additionally, exercise increases the volume of the prefrontal cortex—the area in the brain associated with learning and memory. Exercise also stimulates the growth of cells by releasing chemicals in the brain. These new cells are then cleaned, solidified, and bonded together to create new memories for individuals.

We have all heard that sleep is important and should be a priority. Sleep does a lot of thing for us—it helps with creativity, remembering physical tasks, and making decisions. Sleep also does two important things in the brain: creates and consolidates memories and clears out toxins. As neurons fire together (and therefore wire together), sleep helps to connect recent memories with earlier memories. This allows individuals to remember how they reacted in past situations, and react differently next time if they desire a different outcome.

Cleaning out toxins in the brain increases attention and memory, helps individuals think clearly, and even impacts the regulation of insulin. Not getting enough sleep inhibits the ability to clear out the toxins, which can be harmful to the connections that are trying to take place in the brain. Sleeping allows us the opportunity to create new and improved experiences each day.

There are many ways individuals can have more influence on emotional responses. These are only two, but by changing our brains and our physiology in the body, we are prepping ourselves for better interactions. Being mindful of how we can impact the physiology of our bodies allows us more control over how we interact with those around us. We increase our capacity to engage more positively and be more satisfied in our relationships.

Originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by Dr. Kayla Mennenga

Stained-glass has been used for centuries to beautify sacred buildings and inspire the passing observer. From cathedrals to mosques to temples, stained-glass can be found adorning architecture throughout the world. For residents who live along the Wasatch Front, stained-glass can readily be found in several buildings in several different cities. However, in the coming months, a new facility at Utah Valley University in Orem will feature a stained-glass window display that will be unlike anything else in the world. The Roots of Knowledge project, scheduled to be unveiled in November of 2016, will feature stained-glass panels that will literally tell the story of us.

The Vision

Artist Tom Holdman, owner of Holdman Studios in Lehi, envisioned the potential of this project more than a decade ago. After a meeting with area community and educational leaders at a private event, Tom was asked about his interest in producing a commissioned piece of stained-glass for one of the groups. Tom wanted to make this piece of art something special, so he set out doing research and sketching ideas for the project. What followed was something quite unusual for this artist. Countless ideas began to flow into Tom’s mind and when he was done taking notes and sketching out several ideas, what began as a single stained-glass window, quickly morphed into a profound and unmatched multi-panel stained-glass display. Although that single, commissioned piece of stained-glass art never became a reality, the idea behind the Roots of Knowledge was in place and Tom was determined to act on it.

Through the help of Tom’s team of artists, their dedicated effort, hours of artistic collaboration and a bit of luck, the Roots of Knowledge project slowly began to take shape. Tom knew that he couldn’t do this project alone, so he approached Utah’s largest public university, Utah Valley University.  When asked about their interest in helping Tom make this dream a reality, administrators at UVU jumped at the chance, immediately recognizing the wonderful impact a project of this kind would have on the university. Knowing that more help was needed to fully produce a project of this magnitude, the owners of Roots Media (filmmaker Lee Groberg, and area businessman and attorney, Ross Wolfley) were asked to join the project. With Roots Media acting as the administrative arm of the team, the project was now off the ground and the three groups quickly began to move forward.

The Project

The stained-glass display, when completed, will consist of 80 stained-glass panels, measuring almost 10 feet in height and 200 feet in length.  Utah Valley University has designated a specific spot in the annex of the university’s library, planning carefully regarding placement, to allow the panels of the display to be lit by natural light from the west.  The stained-glass wall will flow in a curved pattern, allowing visitors to casually stroll through the display and study each panel of the project.

Visitors to the Roots of Knowledge stained-glass wall display will be able to see the history of man through learning and knowledge, beginning with the Dawn of Man, the Bronze Age, the Age of Enlightenment and Renaissance, the Industrial Age, and the Modern Era.

Every stained-glass panel of this massive project is being produced at Holdman Studios in Lehi, Utah.  Lead artist Tom Holdman, along with fellow artists Cameron Oscarson and Nicholas Lawyer, have sketched, in detail, each panel’s design and placement.  Through countless hours of historical research and collaboration with an academic scholar team from UVU, the team put together a sophisticated display that brings to light the history of the world, illustrating the advancements and achievements of mankind.  Through a large team of artists at Holdman Studios, each panel began to take shape and showcase its beautiful rendition of history and education.  When the final piece of glass is laid in place, the project will feature over 80,000 individual pieces of stained-glass.

A Great Educational Opportunity

In addition to the daily visitors the wall will invite, UVU students will…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by:Clint Wood

What do Y Mountain, Murdock Canal Trail, and Timpanogos Cave all have in common?  They are all well known area attractions, and you have likely hiked at least one of them. However, there are a lot of other trails around Utah Valley, ranging from easy family hikes to more difficult trails, for the outdoors enthusiast. This summer, instead of heading to one of the more popular trails, try these lesser known but equally amazing hikes!

Instead of Utah Lake Parkway, try… Payson Lake Trail

Utah Lake is definitely a highlight in Utah County (and its namesake). But if you love Utah Lake, then you will fall in love with Payson Lake. Just 30 minutes south of Utah Lake, the one-mile trail winds around this beautiful mountain lake. Take a moment to take a dip in the cool water or catch a fish. Bring the family and a picnic and make the most of your hike!

 To get there, take the Payson exit off I-15. Turn left on 100 N and then right on 600 E, the Nebo Scenic Loop. The trail is 11 miles up the road.

 Instead of Stewart Falls, try… Scout Falls

Stewart Falls is a beautiful place to hike to any time of year, but few people know that there is another gorgeous waterfall not too far away. On the Timpooneeke trail, there is the scenic Scout Falls. This 2.4-mile hike takes you through forests and meadows before you arrive at the falls. It is a great date hike!

 To get there, take Highway 92 passing the toll booth into American Fork Canyon. Take the south fork until you see the Timpanooke turnoff. Take the turnoff until you arrive at the parking lot. From the parking lot, walk past the restrooms to the guard station. Then take the right trail on the west side.

 Instead of Rock Canyon, try… Days Canyon Trail

In Maple Canyon there is a fun hike, great for family and friends. The Days Canyon Trailhead is just up the right fork of Hobble Creek Canyon by Cherry Campground. This trail is 3.3 miles long, but can be 2 to 6 miles long, depending on how you combine it with other trails. The trail follows a stream and ends in a beautiful meadow.

 To get there, take Canyon Drive for 2.5 miles into Hobble Creek Canyon. Past the golf course, the road splits. Take the right fork for about 1.5 miles. The parking lot is on your right after Cherry Campground.

Instead of Provo River Parkway, try… Spanish Fork River Trail

An alternative to the Provo River Trail is the Spanish Fork River Trail. This 4.4-mile trail is less than a year old. It is great for running, strolling, or biking.

 To get there, take the Highway 6 exit off I-15 heading towards Price. Continue on Highway 6 for 4 miles and then turn right on Powerhouse Road. Park at Canyon View Park and join the trail there.

 Instead of Battle Creek Falls, try…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Written by: Sarah Toller

The two preceding articles in this three-part series recognized the resurgence of spirituality in therapy, identified a need for psychotherapists trained in spiritual and religious competencies, provided tips on how to find a licensed clinician who is right for you, and explored three domains of spiritual wellness.  This third and final article will address five potential benefits of spiritually integrated therapy.

I recently listened to both a psychologist’s lecture on integrated healthcare, and a book on parenting written by a world renowned researcher/therapist who devoted her career to understanding guilt, shame, vulnerability and whole-hearted living.  Both scholars spoke of spirituality as being a resilience factor.  This got me thinking about how spiritually integrated therapy may serve some of my clients, so I came up with a list of five potential benefits of spiritually integrated therapy:

1. Enhancing Protective Factors: A so-called “protective factor” is anything a person incorporates into their life which effectively decreases the likelihood of harm.  You can think of it as the opposite of a “risk factor.”  A growing body of research has shown that spiritual health and positive religious practices can in fact serve as a protective factor for a wide variety of issues across populations (i.e. hazardous substance use, suicidality, self-harm, eating disorders, etc.).  In therapy, exploring how spiritual practice can serve as a protective factor may be beneficial.
2. Increasing Stress Resilience: Those who manage stress effectively have incorporated resilience practices into their regular lifestyle.  Spiritually integrated psychotherapy recognizes spiritual health as an essential component of whole and complete living.  Therapy may explicitly discuss spiritual or religious coping strategies the client uses to solve problems, elicit a sense of meaningfulness to stressful life events, and/or learn skills to “weather the storm” in a profoundly purposeful way.  A common element among various faith traditions is an active willingness to practice non-judgmental acceptance.  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) suggests stress-resiliency is enhanced as we actively challenge our experiential avoidance of unpleasant emotions (i.e. anxiety, fear, pain) by engaging in value-based action while accepting that meaningful living does not begin when discomfort ends… it begins now.
3. Using Culturally Relevant Language…(read the rest of the story)

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness

Making money is difficult. After a challenging year like 2015, it is important to go back to basics, evaluate your situation, and make sure you are on the right path.

As financial advisors, we provide a variety of financial services like retirement, estate and business planning. However, our focus has always been on managing investments. Why? At the end of the day, if you aren’t effectively building wealth over time, most aspects of your financial plan won’t matter.

So what is the best way to invest? How can you invest to meet your retirement goals? Here are four steps to give you some insight into investing:

Step one: Invest in things that increase in value.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Currently, money markets, CDs, bonds and fixed annuities are not likely to… (read more)

Spring is a great season, for many reasons. Growing up, my family was always excited for the warmer weather because it meant outdoor sports and swim parties at Grandma’s house! For the younger crowd, this is pretty exciting. For others, it can be terrifying. Especially those of us who have avoided exercise and developed unhealthy habits during the winter. When spring rolls around, we feel very self-conscious, and often avoid getting back on track.

So what should you do? Is it too late to get into decent shape? No way! Anyone can make progress if they put their mind to it. Many of us are procrastinators. How many of us cram in a few days worth of studying before a big test when we know we should’ve put in at least a week? There are many scenarios where we do this: school, church, work, and of course, fitness. Losing a few pounds or putting on some muscle does take effort, but when push comes to shove, I believe most people are capable of getting it done. So let’s do it! Here are three steps to help you “spring” into shape!

Step 1: Get outside, and get moving! Grab your kids, friend, spouse, push the baby in a stroller… (read more)

Barbara Barrington Jones is a woman known for her beauty, grace, and refinement. She has dedicated her life to helping others realize their full potential and become their best selves. Through her private, non-profit foundation, she runs several annual programs. Her “Be The Best You” teen girl’s camp is to help 12-18 year old girls gain greater self-esteem, and focus on serving others. “A New You” is a 3-day retreat for Women; a haven for rest and spiritual reconnection and an opportunity to rejuvenate both internally and externally. Barbara’s “International Institute of Professional Protocol” is taught at Brigham Young University Hawaii, and Utah Valley University where students are taught the professional protocol that is imperative for success in today’s workplace. All of these programs are designed to help people of all ages realize and fulfill their destiny.

Barbara’s desire to help girls and women, in particular, stems from living through 12 years of an abusive marriage, which ended in the suicide death of her husband. Growing up a ballerina, she never imagined her life turning out the way it did.   Studying classical ballet and dancing professional in Texas, Chicago, New York, Atlanta, and even Toronto; Barbara was living her childhood dreams when it seemed that everything came crashing down. Being left with two young children, Barbara’s focus changed…(read more)

In generations past, issues of faith and spirituality were often deferred to clergy and chaplains.  It could easily be argued that psychology, as a discipline, has maintained a reputation for reducing issues of faith and belief to mere symptoms of other issues, thereby discrediting the significance and importance of the subject matter itself. However, things are changing.  Ironically, as Len Sperry from Florida Atlantic University recognizes, “[Today], more individuals in various cultural contexts are increasingly seeking out psychotherapists and other practitioners, rather than ministers or spiritual guides, to deal with these concerns or foster their spiritual growth and development.” (Sperry, 2014)  This calls for a new breed of psychotherapist.  One who is not only skilled in matters of psychological, emotional, relational, and cognitive health, but also one who understands the various theoretical approaches to religious studies and the ethical implications of such for their clients.

The subject of spirituality has recently experienced a resurgence of supporters within the discipline of psychotherapy.  Mindfulness  techniques have become essential pillars used in such third generation behavioral therapies as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT).  Integrative health models will often include spiritual health alongside emotional, mental, social, and physical health.  But what exactly does spiritual healthmean?  What place does religion, belief, faith, and spiritual practice have within a therapeutic setting?  And what role can a therapist serve regarding such issues?

Spirituality is such a deeply personal and subjective concept that many mental health clinicians pay little to no attention to it in therapy (except perhaps briefly asking one or two questions while completing a “psychosocial assessment”).  And it’s not their fault. Chances are, such clinicians have had little to no formal education or training on issues of religion, existentialism, or spirituality as a whole.

As a marriage and family therapist by training, I am reminded every session about how my personal experiences, biases, and values affect the therapeutic relationship and overall well-being of my clients.  When I am looking for a therapist to refer colleagues, family members, or friends, I look for the following three qualities:

• A licensed professional with an appropriate level of education/training to treat the particular issues bringing the client into session.

• Someone who authentically recognizes the limits of personal biases (we all have them).

• Someone who empathically collaborates with their clients from a place of acceptance and compassion.

When working on issues of faith in a therapeutic setting, the same applies.  If you are interested in working through issues of faith or spirituality with a therapist, I also recommend the following suggestions: Take your time to find someone you feel comfortable with, and who simultaneously challenges you to grow. Be clear about what you are looking for in therapy.  Perhaps it’s wanting to learn how spirituality paired with therapeutic techniques can bolster resiliency.  Perhaps you are experiencing feelings of shame and perfectionistic tendencies which can be counterproductive to living the life you want to live.  Or perhaps you or a loved one is experiencing a crisis of faith and you need the support from a nonjudgemental, yet knowledgeable, third party.  Whatever your needs, find a therapist who you feel understands your journey and is comfortable exploring such sensitive issues with confidence.
*Please be sure to check in on the next article in this three-part series, where we explore the qualities which help define spiritual health, and five benefits of integrating spirituality with psychotherapy.

originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

March 16, 7:00pm @ American Fork Library.

The American Fork Center for Couples and Families – Marriage therapist Kenneth Jeppesen will condense 40 years of marital research and teach you how to have a happier marriage. His last presentation in Orem on this topic was standing room only. Come early to get a seat!