More than 19 million adults in the U.S.suffer from anxiety disorders. Women have a higher diagnosis of anxiety than men do but race is not a factor in predicting anxiety. Provo counseling specializes in working with patients who suffer from anxiety disorders, helping them regain control of their lives.

Today’s medical community has a great understanding and increased knowledge surrounding anxiety. Anxiety is a mental response to physical and/or mental stimuli and upon being provoked causes a physical reaction. The general, most common symptoms of anxiety disorders include:

• Obsessive thoughts that are often uncontrollable and consuming
• Vivid flashbacks or thoughts of traumatic experiences
• Difficulty sleeping
• Overwhelming feelings of panic, fear, dread and/or uneasiness
• Nightmares
• Heart Palpitations
• Dizziness
• Extreme muscle tension
• Nausea
• Difficulty breathing and/or shortness of breath
• Numbness or tingling in extremities
• Dry mouth
• Difficulty remaining still and/or calm
• Ritualistic behaviors, e.g., excessive hand washing
• Extremely cold or sweaty hands and/or feet

Medical science indicates that while the exact cause of anxiety is unknown, it does involve a combination of environmental and physical factors. Changes in brain chemistry coupled with environmental stress trigger anxiety. Long ago anxiety was thought to be a personal character flaw or due to upbringing, though these ascertains have been refuted. Anxiety is a real, documented medical condition. Science also indicates that anxiety disorders are more common in families, pointing to a biological trait or a gene(s) that coupled with certain environmental stimuli or trauma can become triggered.

While anxiety is not preventable, it can be reduced or controlled. Seeking the guidance of Utah counselors is recommended, as they are specialists trained to diagnosis and treat all types of anxiety. People can help reduce anxiety by decreasing caffeine consumption and confirming with a doctor and/or pharmacist that over the counter products do not contain medication(s) that increases anxiety symptoms. Most importantly, therapists in Provo can work with people that have experienced trauma to help reduce anxiety and learn appropriate coping mechanisms, which can include Psychotherapy and/or Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

When two people become devoted to sharing one life together, a variety of communication styles merge. These styles depend on a range of factors, including each person’s family background. While one partner’s family may practice open communication, the other partner’s family may feel this is foreign. Understanding, acceptance and acknowledging the difference in each person’s communication style, is vital to forging a healthy relationship. It is also important the couple develop their own communication style.

It is essential for a couple to communicate without placing blame on either party. Five important communication guidelines are:

1. Always listen. Do not listen to just the words, but try to understand the true emotion and feelings that are being conveyed.
2. Speak matter-of-factly without blame. For example, tell your partner “I feel bad when we don’t sit down for dinner together.” This sentence stresses two factual statements: someone feels bad (fact) for not eating dinner together (fact). Always remember that facts are not arguable and they do not place blame.
3.  Focus on a positive to negative ratio. For example, for every one complaint about your partner, it is vital to focus on five positives.
4. Spin complaints into requests. Instead of complaining about making dinner and cleaning up, perhaps negotiate and ask your partner if he will make dinner if you clean up after dinner.
5. Focus on one’s inner self and see what problems each person is contributing. For communication to be successful in any relationship, both parties have to be committed to opening the path of verbal communication.

Additionally, a few more important communication tips include:

• Clearly state what you want or expect. Instead of playing games and hinting around, it is better that both people in the relationship are on the same page.
• Treat your partner how you would like to be treated. The world would be a much easier place if everyone abided by this simple courtesy.
• Negotiate – no one said relationships were easy and yes, they require give and take.
• Adapt, Adjust, Alter! Instead of preparing for war, consider if this is something that is so important a war is not avoidable. Look at the long-term consequences instead of only thinking about the present time.

Utah marriage counseling specializes in helping couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, set communication goals with one another. A therapist’s office is a safe haven, one where couples can work on being honest and learn communication-building skills. Couples counseling in Utah focuses on understanding each person’s communication style, how to communicate more effectively, problem solving skills and effective negotiation. Provo marriage counseling offers short-term and long-term therapy for couples, providing crucial insight into thought processes, communication styles and setting strong goals for ultimately communicating more effectively with each other.

Depression is a combination of feelings, including intense, overwhelming sadness, helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness. When someone is clinically depressed these feelings keep him/her from functioning normally, and often span for days, if not weeks.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, clinical depression is the diagnosis when at least five of the following nine symptoms are present at the same time:

• A depressed, down mood most of the day, especially in the mornings
• Fatigue or extreme loss of energy
• Continual feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Difficulty concentrating and marked indecisiveness
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping
• A diminished interest in activities
• Restlessness
• Significant weight loss or weight gain
• Recurring thoughts that surround death or suicide

There are several different types of depression, including, but not limited to, Major Depressive Disorder, Chronic Depression, Atypical Depression, Manic Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder.  

Depression is a disease, not a mood; therefore, it is not a flaw in one’s character or a personal weakness. Depression is when neurotransmitters and chemicals in one’s brain are out of balance and do not communicate properly. Several factors can contribute to depression, including family history. Scientists have discovered that genes play a role in inheriting depression. While this does not mean someone is necessarily born with depression, it relates to how someone handles a stressful event and if depression is easily triggered. Stressful events in one’s life can cause depression, e.g., losing a loved one, postpartum depression after pregnancy, divorce or experiencing a chronic disease. Certain health problems relate to depression, including hypothyroidism and anemia. Medication can also cause be the root cause of depression, particularly with steroid and/or narcotic use.       

People suffering from depression have many options in today’s world. Therapists in Utah can help diagnosis the severity of depression and offer advice if a patient should seek medical treatment under a psychiatrist or family doctor for anti-depressant medication(s). It is important to determine the core cause of depression, whether it is genetic or triggered by a stressful event. This variable factor determines the type of treatment Therapists in Provo, Utah recommend, based on each individual’s needs and requirements. Utah Counselors receive special training, helping them understand the effects of depression, how to counteract these effects with open communication and extensive therapy.

They say that if there is no conflict whatsoever in a marriage, one of the partners isn’t thinking.

Marriage is about the union of two individuals. You can’t expect two people to be in harmony and agreement about everything every time. What you can expect is that two people can disagree and have clashes, even if they are crazy about each other.

Conflict is, in fact, healthy. It shows that the marriage is still a partner of two individuals. When handled right, they can be opportunities for the marriage to grow stronger and deeper. Thus, instead of trying to sweep conflict under the rug, it is healthier to build skills that will help you and your spouse resolve any conflict you will be facing.

There are some negative ways in which to resolve conflicts. These can include:

–          Concession. Giving in to the other person just to get the conflict over with. When one sees conceding as a victory for the other spouse, there will be feelings of resentment and the situation is not really resolved.

–          Denying the conflict. Sweeping the conflict under the rug and pretending it never happened may solve the situation temporarily. But the conflicts will pile up until someone blows up.

–          Withdrawing from the conflict. Responding to the conflict by withdrawing will not solve anything. Withholding your company and your love to your spouse will just deepen the rift, rather than strengthen your bond.

Here are some tips that may help resolve conflicts positively:

–          Think win-win. Marriage is a partnership. It is not a battleground where each one is collecting victories. Your spouse is not the enemy. Go for a solution where both of you can win. Winning the argument may feel good but you will be at the losing end when it comes to your relationship. Aim towards resolving conflict in a way that will strengthen the relationship and build trust and respect. If win-win is not possible, the two of you must be willing to meet halfway or compromise.

–          Ask, don’t make assumptions. Some conflicts are caused by what you believe your spouse has done or because of assumptions regarding the motives. Rather than running a hundred theories in your head about what your spouse did or why he or she did it, it’s best to ask outright. Get some clarification – seek to understand.

–          Listen, not just to words, but to what your partner is feeling. This will help you get insights on the other person’s side. Recognize that when a person is upset, he or she may not be able to effectively convey the issues. Be on the lookout for nonverbal communication such as gestures, tone of voice, facial expression and intensity of your voice.

–          Don’t be historical. Focus on the conflict currently at the table. Avoid the temptation of dredging up past failures or resentments. The path towards conflict resolution does not lie in assigning blame; rather it is in coming up with a solution that works for both of you.

–          Don’t be hysterical. Keep yourself calm so as to keep the ability to express yourself to your spouse effectively. Getting into a shouting match will not resolve any conflict. Do not be aggressive or defensive. Rather, both of you should work to maintain respect for each other, even in the midst of the conflict. When emotions flare up, you may be tempted to hit below the belt and do more damage instead of good while trying to resolve the conflict.

–          Keep your sense of humor. Sometimes, seeing the humor or irony in things can decrease the tension and set the mood for a more constructive dialogue. Be sure to laugh with your spouse, not at your spouse. Sarcasm is also not an effective form of humor.

–          Be ready to forgive. Sometimes, resolving conflict may need letting go of the hurt and anger generated by the conflict. This also involves letting go of the need to punish the partner – this will only add to the problem and may deepen the conflict.

–          Be ready to agree to disagree. There are issues where you two will still have different stands. If both cannot agree on a certain issue, you can agree to disagree about that matter, where both of you can move on.

Sometimes, effectively resolving conflict may need an outside party, like a marriage counselor. This objective third party can help pick out solutions that you and your spouse may not see because you are too close to the situation.

Also, marriage therapy can be a great avenue for you and your spouse to discuss the conflict and resolve it with less drama. The therapist can act as a facilitator and referee. An experienced marriage therapist will also be able to provide you with great conflict-resolution tools.

If you and your spouse are in need of conflict resolution therapy and you are residing in Provo,

Utah, you can look to Dr. Triston Morgan for help. Dr. Triston Morgan holds a Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy and holds years of experience in helping couples resolve their conflicts positively and constructively.

In the road towards resolving conflict, we can be reminded of these words from Phyllis McGinley: “In a successful marriage, there is no such thing as one’s way. There is only the way of both, only the bumpy, dusty, difficult, but always mutual path.”

 

Couples undergo rough patches time and time again. And sometimes, it would be helpful for couples to go into Utah marriage therapy. It doesn’t hurt to ask for a bit of outside help to keep the marriage and the family in one piece and even stronger throughout the years.

This is not to say that going into couples counseling is a foolproof solution that will ensure that you keep the marriage intact. There are times when the damage may be too much for counseling to help salvage the marriage. One or both spouses may have gone “over the edge” and have already emotionally given up on the relationship. Sometimes the attitudes brought into the counseling room prevent the couple from getting the most out of the sessions.

If you are thinking of getting into marriage counseling in Utah, come prepared to get the most out of your therapy time, not just to get your money’s worth but to ensure that you and your spouse enjoy the full benefits of the counseling. It can be quite a challenge and you will have to be ready to work at the therapy sessions. Here are some of the things that can help you take the most advantage out of marriage counseling:

1. Accept that there is a problem that needs to be resolved. There is the temptation to go into denial. It is easier to ignore a problem and not act on it. In a marriage, sometimes only one partner thinks that there is a problem while the other is contented with the status quo. It takes work but if one partner thinks there is a problem, chances are, there is a problem. Getting into couples therapy with the realization that you are there because a problem needs to be solved will actually speed things up since you can go straight into identifying the problem and discussing solutions and tools you can use to deal with it.
2. Come prepared. Before the sessions, it would be best if you and your spouse discuss the problem areas you want to focus on. Identify your objectives and make a list of possible questions and thoughts you can discuss during the session.  Some areas to discuss include: what you expect to get out of the sessions, what kind of marriage you want to have, what are your expectations of your partner and yourself, what are the things that bother you about the relationship. Be ready to ask (and be asked) tough questions as you try to discover the root causes of the problems you and your spouse face.
3. Be honest. Therapy is not about “putting your best face forward”. It is about being candid about your feelings, your behaviors and your opinions. Your therapist (no matter how good he or she is) cannot help you when you are not fully honest. Of course, it can be difficult to talk plainly about something that may be hurtful or embarrassing to you, but remember, your therapist is bound by rules of confidentiality and cannot repeat whatever is discussed in the sessions.
4. Be fully engaged. You are there to listen and talk. Be involved in the sessions and don’t allow your mind to wander off. Share your thoughts and ask your questions.
5. Don’t make it about the here and now. You may be inclined to talk about your fight the morning of the therapy session or to what’s on your mind just now. Focus on the root causes of the problem, on the context of what causes these fights and arguments.
6. Think win-win. Therapy is not about pointing out that the other party is wrong. It is about working together to strengthen your relationship as a couple. There will even be a time when you have to admit that you are part of the problem and be ready to change. As you and your partner figure out ways for you to both “win” by having a stronger relationship, you are able to resolve issues faster and easier.
7. Be ready to change yourself. Remember, marriage is a partnership – what you do and are will have an impact on your spouse and vice versa. This means that the cracks in your union are not just the fault of the other partner. Be ready to make changes in yourself, rather than expect your partner to do the changing. You may need to change how you respond to the issue and how you relate to your spouse. Be ready to become a better partner for your spouse; in such a way, you can have a positive (and greater) impact on your relationship. This is saying to your partner that the marriage is worth making adjustments for.
8. Follow it up. Sometimes the Provo marriage counselor will give you “assignments” or suggest action points you can try. This may have to do with your behavior, with your lifestyle and who you want to be. To do this more effectively, you should pay attention to what is said in the sessions and reflect on these in between sessions. Try out the new ideas being discussed during the sessions and see how well they apply to your situation and be ready to discuss the results in the next session.
9. Be regular. For couples counseling to be effective, you need to work at it over a consistent period of time. It’s not an on again, off again affair. Regular sessions will help you and your spouse track progress and identify how certain changes in your behavior have affected the relationship.
10. Be patient. Therapy is not some magic wand you wave over your marriage and think that it will be okay. As you are on a journey towards discovering yourself and your partner and towards learning new behaviors and mindsets, you and your spouse may make mistakes. You may also need time to adjust. Be patient with yourself and your spouse.

Marriage therapy is very helpful in resolving conflicts in a marriage. But it also needs a lot of work from your end. The marriage therapist is there to guide you through the road towards a healthy relationship, but you and your spouse will be the ones doing the discovering (and the changing).

If you are in the Provo, Utah area, you can consider getting help from Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan has had extensive experience in helping couples. He holds a Ph.D and a license to practice marriage and family therapy in Utah. He is committed to helping couples work their way through the muddle of conflicts and into a stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

 

Even with today’s pre-nuptial agreements, spouses will need to deal with the fact that they are managing the same household and that there is a merging of their finances somehow. This may be one of the reasons why money matters are such a hot button when it comes to marriages. The financial aspect of a marriage (and the resulting blowout if the couple disagrees) is also a good reason for couples to go for Utah marriage counseling.

Each person comes with his or her own financial upbringing and personal view about money. One may see money as something to be enjoyed and spent. Another may be brought up thinking that money (which one works hard for) should be well spent and purchases thought over carefully before they are made. One may feel that a budget is not necessary. Yet another may stress the need for a budget and spending below your means.

Another aspect to consider is that couples may not have the same level of income. A spouse may earn more or another spouse may have decided to stay at home to take care of the kids. There is a question of who has the control, who holds the purse strings in the marriage. Usually, Provo family counseling  will strive to dig into the core of the issue and couples will see that underneath the money issue is a deeper issue that they need to thresh out.

A couple has to be proactive and creative in facing money matters. The best time to deal with this issue is when it has not already flared up and become a full-fledged problem. While your finances are not being threatened, it is best for you to develop rules (dos and don’ts) about how you will handle this. Here are a few examples.

• Agree on basic money principles. Although you may come from different financial backgrounds, it is important for you to decide on a set of financial goals and how accountable each is towards meeting that goal. Decide on just how much money to spend and how much to keep as your nest egg. Agree on what is worth cutting and what is worth splurging on once in a while. Decide on just how much money is allowed to spend at his or her discretion, without having to discuss it with the other spouse. Discuss your financial goals – paying off the mortgage, setting aside an amount for the kids’ college fund, wiping your credit card accounts clean, etc. – and how you as a couple plan to reach these goals.
• Agree to track your spending.  Do you know where your money goes? Make a budget to help you track spending and savings. You will also need to regularly check if you have been keeping to your budget.
• Stop living beyond your means. As much as possible, spend below the level of your income so that you can have some left to put aside. If you live beyond your means, your monthly salary earnings will just be a way to catch up with last months’ debt. Avoid getting into debt – rather than buying items through debt, try to save up and pay with cash.
• Assign someone to handle the bills. Agree as to which spouse will handle this chore – it is important, though, that the other partner knows the details of these payments.
• Talk about money at the right moment. This is when tempers are cool and a financial problem has not cropped up yet. Initiating the “money talk” when your partner just got home tired from work may not be a good time.
• Discuss major purchases with your spouse before making them. Purchases that will make a considerable dent on the budget should be discussed and agreed upon by both spouses. If one spouse disagrees with the purchase, the other can present alternatives as to how he or she can get extra funds to make the purchase possible.

• Hide expenses from your spouse. So you’ve overdrawn your account or weren’t able to resist a certain purchase, stop hiding it from your spouse. Instead, be responsible to discuss possible solutions with your spouse.
• Micro-manage. If you and your partner have your own spending money, you don’t need to micro-manage and check what he or she is purchasing with that spending money. Since this money is already allocated for in the family’s budget, give your partner some leeway as to how he or she will spend it.
• Merge credit card accounts. It is a good idea for each partner to have at least one credit card account maintained under his or her own name. This way, you maintain your credit history and will make things easier for you in the event of your spouse’s death or if you divorce.
• Accuse. There may be a strong temptation to get on your partner’s case for a financial mistake he or she has made. Instead of making accusations, try to point out a solution for your financial strain. For instance, if your wife is passionate about shoes (and is intent on buying one every week, it seems), encourage her to earn supplementary income to support this passion.
• Ignore financial issues. Getting your head stuck in the sand over financial problems will not solve them. One may feel overwhelmed by the financial morass but it will do you good to own up and look at how you as a couple can solve a financial problem. Being aware of just how you stand financially and understanding the size of the financial problem will be helpful in coming up with workable solutions.
• Refuse to get help. Money matters may have already caused an emotional breech between husband and wife. Sometimes, when emotions get in the way, it is harder to find a suitable solution. You may need outside help who sees things in an objective manner and can help point the way towards a solution. A marriage therapist has the training and experience to help couples with financial issues, as well as a host of other problems related to marriage and family.

Dealing with money matters can be problematic. This is where a good marriage counselor in Utah can come in and help. It may feel that going into marriage or family therapy will cost you more – when your plan is to save money. However, let us assure you that this is money well spent – since it will help you get the tools to communicate with your spouse and develop good spending habits.

For your marriage therapy needs when in Provo, Utah, you can count on Dr. Triston Morgan for a non-combative approach towards resolving the conflict brought about by money matters. Dr. Morgan holds a Ph. D in marriage and family therapy and has years of experience counseling troubled families, couples and teens. He holds a license to practice family and marriage therapy in the state of Utah.

 

They say that the only constant thing in life is change. You can liken life as clouds in the sky – they are constantly changing form. Like it or not, change will come. That’s life, after all. We face various seasons of our lives that result in major transitions that necessitate a change in our lifestyle and outlook. Depending on how welcome the change is, it can be met with happiness, an openness to change and a positive attitude or it can be encountered with fear, anxiety and stress. It is important to realize that life transitions can be an uncertain (and even scary) time, but it can also be a time of growth.

Transitions can be due to expected events or they can be unpredictable and unwelcome events. Examples of life transitions include:

– Getting married and starting a family. This exciting phase in the life of couples can be a cause for much joy or stress. Becoming a parent is a challenge and will require much adjustment from the couple. Once the children come, you as parents discover that you have grown in ways you did not expect. You are challenged to earn a good income to provide for your family’s needs and still be able to “be there” and have time to raise up your children into responsible adults. At the same time, there is a challenge to maintain your relationship with your spouse. All these may create pressure and stress that result in emotional conflict with your spouse and children.

– Getting the empty nest. Another life transition is seeing your children grow up to be mature, independent individuals who will eventually leave the comfort and safety of the home you have built up. As the children leave the nest to form their own, parents (especially mothers) feel a disconnect about how they are – since their lives were more or less defined by their being parents. Parents who are unable to handle this transition may become depressed and dwell with their “loss” rather than look for opportunities of growth with this new phase in life.

– Getting retired or getting fired from your job. For the retirees, your life was defined largely by who you are at work for so many years now. And then suddenly, that is taken away from you. You used to spend eight hours or more in the office and now you don’t quite know what to do with those eight or more hours. For those who lose their jobs, there is the pain of rejection, the loss of self-worth and the fear that you are unable to get back on your feet.

– Losing a loved one or dealing with sickness. This is one transition that we face with dread. Dealing with a loss of a loved one or seeing them laid up with sickness is painful. We can turn towards other loved ones and friends for support and comfort at the time of our grief. Or we may even turn to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain.

These are just some of the transitions we normally face in life. There are other transitions – whether tragic or happy (i.e. winning the lottery, having to transfer homes) – that mark the different phases or chapters in our lives. These times can be very emotional and stressful.

When handled properly, these transitions help us develop as persons. However, transitions may also throw us into a downward spiral of emotional instability that could lead to substance abuse and bouts of depression. During these times, it will be helpful to see a therapist and even a substance abuse counselor, if applicable.

Accepting change and growing from them

There are two reactions towards transitions: fight it and delay it or accept it and grow from it. If you choose to drag your heels and resist the change that is coming, you are only just delaying the inevitable and making things harder for you. Resisting the transition in your life can cause you more stress and emotional upheaval. It can even affect relationships with family, friends and co-workers. It can drain you not just emotionally but also physically.

The help of an experienced and able counselor in Utah can help you through life’s transitions, especially if these are unwelcome ones. They can help guide us to the answers to questions like, “How do I deal with a recent divorce?” “How do I enjoy my retirement period?” “How do I cope with the loss of a loved one?” Life counselors can help us sort through the muddle caused by these transitions and provide us with the tools that we need to cope and grow from these experiences.

When the transitions of life become too challenging for you (and your spouse and loved ones), don’t be afraid to go into marriage or family therapy in Provo. One good indication that you may benefit from counseling or therapy may be when you are unable to deal with a transition and it affects how you relate with other people and the stress begins to manifest in you not just emotionally but also physically. A good therapist will provide you with not just a supportive ear but will help map the way out for you to successful deal with the transitions in your life.

If you are residing in Provo, Utah, you can count on Dr. Triston Morgan to help you deal with the life transitions you are facing. Dr. Morgan is a licensed family and Provo marriage therapist and has established a reputable practice in the state of Utah. He has since helped families and couples by providing them with effective tools to grow and thrive in the midst of life’s challenges.

 

 

No marriage is storm-proof. Even with the best of unions, there are storms that a couple has to face. Perhaps because of changes they experience personally – with their feelings about each other, their going through different phases in their lives or facing addictions, their having substance abuse problems. The storms may also be due to other factors – money problems, issues with in-laws and children, the stress brought about by work…and the list goes on.

Yes, you can expect stormy patches in a marriage – they will happen. Perhaps these stormy patches have you and your spouse tipping precariously close to divorce. The question is, how will you weather these storms and keep your marriage intact, even stronger for what you have both gone through. The good thing about weathering the storm together is that you emerge with more closeness and more trust in your partner as you get to know him or her better.

Here are a few simple reminders to help you as you face the storms in life:

–          Talk. Rather than sulk, talk it out. The damage that results are caused by miscommunication and by not understanding what the other spouse expects or wants. Don’t think that your spouse is a mind reader – he or she is not! Although there are times when no words are necessary, there will be more times when you will have to express how you feel and what you think about the problem you are currently facing.

–          Have realistic expectations of each other.  Before the storm even comes, it will be helpful to know what you expect from each other. Sometimes, we enter into a union without coming into a true understanding of our expectations from our partners and vice versa. Some crucial questions should be discussed that cover important topics like: rules about “fighting fairly” and resolving arguments, decision making, handling money, raising and disciplining children and spending time with each other. You should know beforehand what it is your partner needs from you in terms of showing affection and making him or her feel loved.

– Handle arguments constructively. If you must fight, you must agree beforehand that you will fight fairly. Sometimes, there is a temptation to be “historical”, rather than hysterical. Historical, in the sense that one tends to dredge up the other’s past sins for ammunition. When arguing, deal only with the issue at hand. Avoid the blame game and keep “you” statements away from the conversations. You statements such as “You never show me respect.” “You always do that.” put the focus on the person rather than the problem.

– Laugh together. A good sense of humor can do a lot to ease any tension and pressures resulting from what you are facing as a couple. Laugh together and you will find yourselves better (and more resilient) for it. As a couple, you can choose to face life’s trials with a joyful attitude or with a pessimistic and negative disposition.

– Reminisce about the happy times. Take time to go down memory lane – this will help give you more and more reasons why you stay together. Memories of better times will also give you the strength and fortitude to face the rough times ahead.

– Go get help. Sometimes the issues are too complicated or the wounds too deep for just the two of you to solve. Overcoming the storms may take outside help – don’t be afraid to go and seek the services of a trained professional who provides marriage counseling. A good marriage therapist will be able to effectively guide you and provide you with tools to help you build a stronger bond with your spouse and thus enable you to face the storms of life with a united front.

While Utah marriage therapy will not provide all the answers, it may provide you with a different perspective of the problem.

– Exercise patience. The storms usually do not go away after a day. Some storms in a marriage will need patience, commitment and gentleness. If you have been going for couples’ counseling, don’t expect results overnight. The damage that results from these storms may also take some time to fix and heal. Also, remember that you both can’t be perfect – you are bound to make mistakes. There may be times when you may need to have the spirit of forgiveness or to ask for forgiveness for both of you to recover.

– Take time for “we” and “me” time. Sometimes, you need to get out just to be able to see things from a different perspective. Go on a vacation together and come back rested and refreshed. However, there are also times when you need to have some space in your relationship – for you to go out with friends or to talk to someone you trust that can help give advice about your relationship.

Communication is key

For you and your spouse to emerge from a storm with your union intact and stronger, you need to root your relationship in communication. Getting a deeper understanding of each other will help you weather the storms. This is where a marriage therapist in Provo can help. He can provide you with a non-confrontational environment where you can discuss issues and where each partner can feel that he or she is truly heard.

If you are in the Provo, Utah area and are thinking of getting marriage or Utah family therapy, be sure to look for Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan holds Ph. D in marriage and family therapy and is firmly committed to providing therapy services to build stronger marriages and families.

 

 

Perhaps you feel that your marriage could use some help. You have broached it with your spouse – but he or she does not feel the need and refuses to go. This is one problem that has stopped many people from going to marriage counseling.

Why the Reluctance?

When you first suggest it, your partner may drag his or her heels about getting help from a marriage or family therapist. There are actually some reasons for the reluctance or resistance. These may include:

–          Their fear of sharing personal and intimate details with a stranger.

–          They are satisfied with the status quo and feel that such efforts will just rock the boat.

–          They are happy with the way they are and don’t want to make any changes.

–          They are happy with their position in the relationship (the level of power they currently hold) and fear that this may change if they undergo counseling.

–          They feel that the problem is with the other spouse.

–          They fear that counseling sessions will be all about outlining their shortcomings. Perhaps, afraid you may gang up with the therapist and lecture them or emotionally browbeat them.

–          They feel that your budget can’t accommodate it. The question really is, can you afford NOT to go to couple’s therapy? Marriage therapy or counseling programs are often provided by training centers or by religious organizations at a fraction of the price.

Don’t wait for your partner

When you know that it is time to seek help for your marriage, you can go for marriage therapy even by yourself. Of course, it would be better if both partners participate. However, it is better to work with just one person rather than ignore the danger signs and not go at all.

Going for marriage counseling by yourself can help:

–          Have a deeper understanding of your spouse

–          Know how to communicate with your spouse

–          Learn and understand “what makes your spouse tick” and how to influence him or her constructively and positively

–          Learn what you can change about yourself

–          Understand how to deal with conflict and at the same time provide a positive environment for your children

The great thing about growing while undergoing therapy is that it can encourage your spouse to join you in the marriage therapy sessions. When your spouse sees the positive impact of counseling on you, he or she may want to see “what it’s like” and how it has helped you.

How to encourage your spouse to also want to join in

Here are some ways to persuade your spouse to attend couples counseling sessions with you.

–          Share. Discuss with your spouse the reasons why you want to go into couples counseling. There may be instances where you feel your conflicts can be better resolved with the help of an unbiased third party who has the necessary training. Share that getting couples counseling will help you gain a deeper and better understanding of each other. You can also outline the issues you can thresh out during counseling, including problems with substance abuse, sexual disconnections, handling money and other stressors.

–          Listen. Ask and listen to your spouse as he or she discusses his or her unwillingness to go for marriage counseling. Listen to his or her reservations and feelings about the matter. Don’t start an argument or criticize him or her about his or her feelings. You can convey your disappointment but at the same time confirm that you respect his or her decision.

–          Make the appointment. After you have done all to convince your spouse and he or she is still unwilling, set the appointment with your choice of marriage therapists. Inform your spouse about the appointment (the time and date) and invite him or her to join you.

–          Get help from your therapist. Ask the therapist to help you get your spouse involved and what further steps you can take.

While you encourage your spouse to go with you to see the marriage counselor, do so lovingly and graciously. When your spouse sees you taking the steps and sees the positive changes in you, he or she will, hopefully, want to join in.

Finding a Therapist Where You Are

It is helpful to find a therapist near you. If you are residing in Provo, Utah, there are a number of reputable and highly trained marriage and family therapists to help you. One of them is Triston Morgan. With years of experience under his belt, he is also certified to provide PREPARE/ENRICH courses for engaged couples. As a practicing therapist who provides Utah marriage and family counseling, he has helped families, couples and teens. He is also a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

 

 

They say that a relationship is like a plant – you need to nurture it in order for it to grow stronger and form deeper roots. However, there may be times when storms come. During these instances, the damage done may need the intervention of a third party to help restore the health of the relationship. That is the reason why it is beneficial for couples to go for marriage counseling at certain times during their marriage. Your marriage is important enough to take some time to fix any areas that might be broken.

Don’t wait until it’s too late

The danger in waiting to go for marriage counseling occurs when things have gone too far. Don’t wait until it’s too late! Go for help as soon as there are signs of problems.

There are instances when couples just drift apart. They become too busy with the everyday things, raising children or earning a living. Then, they suddenly realize that they are not partners and lovers anymore but simply two people living under the same roof. This should be a wake up call.

In addition, when problems come to a marriage (as they invariably do) and remain unresolved, people sometimes decide to stay married, even when they are unhappy about the situation. Over time, problems, conflicts and personality clashes will result in hardened feelings and unkind actions within the relationship. Negative feelings, words, and behaviors will take their toll on the marriage. The longer you wait to get to a marriage therapist, the more damage your marriage may sustain and the more work must be done to repair these damages.

Going to a Marriage Counselor is not giving up

One thing that often stops people from going to see a marriage counselor is that they feel it is a sure sign that their marriage is in trouble and headed towards divorce. On the contrary, the willingness to go through couples counseling sessions often demonstrates the desire of both parties to find healing and restoration. You don’t go to the doctor only in instances where you are already sick. Sometimes you go for regular check-ups, so you can stay healthy. The same goes for marriage counseling.

A licensed and experienced therapist will help a lot in mapping out the path towards a stronger marriage, something that two people who are emotionally involved may be unable to do by themselves. Strong emotions may be involved, making it impossible for you to sit down and talk about your issues.

So when is a good time to go for counseling? Here are some instances or signs that you may need to attend counseling sessions:

–          You and your partner are about to get married. Counseling is not just for married people! Pre-marital counseling will help engaged couples to learn skills that will help them deal with the challenges of “being one”. Engaged couples sometimes enter into marriage with stars in their eyes, only to realize that their expectations and reality are two different things! Pre-marital counseling is the venue by which these expectations, priorities and opinions are discussed so that the couple comes into a mutual agreement about matters such as how they will handle money, where they will live, how they will “fight” and disagree, how to raise children and so on.

–          You and your partner have conflicts that you can’t seem to resolve. Disagreements with money, how to deal with in-laws, disciplining children are some more common conflicts in a marriage. You may have tried and failed to deal with these conflicts on your own. The way we each deal with these areas is based on our own patterns, fears and personalities and each of us has a little bit different viewpoint.

–          You and your partner are undergoing too much stress. A partner’s infidelity, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job or changes in one’s life may shake the foundations of a marriage. You may need to undergo counseling to help process feelings that result from these stressors and outline a plan to deal with these feelings constructively.

–          When one partner is unhappy about the marriage. Even when the other spouse does not feel likewise or doesn’t have a clue, when one partner expresses dissatisfaction about the relationship, it is not just a problem of the one person but of the relationship itself. Couples counseling can help sort out the issues that triggered this dissatisfaction and how each person contributes to it.

–          When couples don’t know how to “fight”. Let’s face it, conflicts will come in a relationship. However, some couples still have not learned how to communicate their way through the conflict. One may get aggressive while the other will choose to withdraw from the fray. One may start flinging out hurtful words that do more damage to the relationship. Still others may just turn a blind eye to a conflict and hope that it goes away. Couples can learn valuable communication and problem-solving techniques to effectively resolve an issue in counseling.

–          When the couple can’t connect emotionally or sexually. Does it feel as if the passion is gone? Or that a partner is not able to share your joys and grief and is somehow disconnected? Again, with counseling, the issues that lie behind these feelings can be brought to light and resolved.

–          You want to learn new relationship skills. This includes learning how to resolve conflict, communicating, setting goals and making evaluations.

Finding a marriage therapist

When you know it’s time to see a marriage therapist, the next step is to consider the therapist you’ll be going to. Do some preliminary research. A great therapist will have experience (especially in the areas you are concerned with). Try to find one that makes you feel comfortable, especially as you’ll be sharing very personal and intimate details about yourself and your relationship.

When you are looking for a marriage therapist in Provo, Utah, you can visit Triston Morgan. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist with years of experience in counseling, particularly with teens and those struggling with substance abuse. He is licensed to practice in the state of Utah. Triston Morgan holds a Master’s Degree and PhD in marriage and family counseling from Loma Linda University and Brigham Young University, respectively.