Struggling in your marriage? Not sure how to fix your communication problems? Tired of being stuck and not knowing how to get unstuck in your marriage? These are all common concerns for couples experiencing difficulties. There is help and a way to get unstuck! As a couples counselor in Utah County, over the years I have help couples find this success many times as they apply certain principles.

Marriage researcher, John Gottman, has found certain principles and developed a model of therapy to help couples find this happiness together. His work is based on researching hundreds of couples. Here are a few things he found that you can try with your spouse:

1. ‘Enhancing your love maps’ – Love maps consist of how you understand each other and what you know about your relationship and your spouse. Knowing the intimate details of what your partner likes to do for fun to what stresses them out helps you have a stronger relationship.
2. ‘Nurture your fondness and admiration’ – Creating fondness and admiration are crucial to having a long-lasting and satisfying relationship. One thing you are your spouse can do is participate in an activity called, “I appreciate”. This is where you list three or more positive characteristics your spouse has along with an example of each.
3. ‘Turn toward each other instead of away’ – Whether this is literal or figurative, turning towards each other helps create an intimacy and healthy dependence on one another. Turning off the TV and listening to your spouse when they say they have had a hard day is a great example of turning toward each other. This might seem simple, but it goes a long way.
4. ‘Let your partner influence you’ – Consider what your partner says and how they feel about things. Make decisions together as you discuss both of your points of view. These things will help you develop a strong relationship together.
5. ‘Solve your solvable problems’ – Some problems can be solved and other constitute what Gottman would call ‘perpetual problems’. Work on the ones that you can do something about. The solvable problems have a feel to them that they are situational.
6. ‘Overcome gridlock’ – What about the perpetual problems? They do seem unsolvable and for a reason! When dealing with these types of problems Gottman teaches that couples must move from gridlock to dialogue. If done right this can be done on your own with your spouse. Many couples find success with a marriage therapist to overcome these problems.
7. ‘Creating shared meaning’ – There is so much more than the difficulty of marriage and life that you can share with your spouse. Enjoying life together, even in the smallest way, helps to create meaning that means something to both of you. Dream big and dream together!

This research can be found in John Gottman’s book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Happy marriages don’t happen on accident. It takes time and effort and can be done! In my Provo counseling center, I have found that couples who want to change and be happy can!

Should we stay or should we go? Is the marriage worth saving? Is keeping the marriage intact “for the children” enough reason? The “D” word is not a word that you can simply bandy about during times when you have a lover’s quarrel or when the going gets rough. Getting divorced, after all, will have consequences not just for the couple but also for their children.

Divorce is not a simple dissolution of a financial and physical union, but also the cutting off of emotional and psychological bonds. During this time, you can also think about getting the help of couples counseling in Provo to help you think through the issues in a thorough and more organized manner.

Here are some things you and your spouse should consider before you sign the divorce agreement:

Is the feeling gone? Or are there still emotional bonds between you and your spouse?

Make sure that both you and your spouse have done all you could to salvage the marriage. Do both spouses still feel an emotional connection with each other? Are there remnants of love and affection, in spite of all that has happened to make both of you consider divorce in the first place? Work on how you can save the marriage if there is some love left and some hope remaining for your relationship. That way, you don’t regret it if you finally make the decision.

Can counseling still help?

Provo marriage counseling can still be helpful especially at a time when both spouses are seriously considering divorce. Couples counseling in Utah can help identify where the marriage broke down and the possible ways to built it up (if this is still an option of the two spouses). However, if it still leads to divorce, counseling can make the transitions from couplehood to singlehood smoothly. Counseling can also provide healthy tools to deal with the pain and trauma of divorce by providing the couple or the individual with relaxation techniques, as well as tools to cope with change and grief.

Are you emotionally ready to divorce?

When you are caught up with emotions such as anger, frustration and in the case of infidelity, betrayal, it is hard to make the crucial decision of whether to keep the marriage intact or not. Make sure that you are emotionally stable as you make the decision to divorce. Otherwise, if it is just a response that arises from your emotions, this can lead to more problems and hurt feelings in the future especially if you do decide to rebuild rather than let go. Another thing to ask is if you are confident enough to go at “life” by your lonesome.

What are your reasons for considering divorce?

There are some spouses who view divorce as the last ditch attempt at changing their spouse. They feel that the divorce will be an eye-opener and it will lead the other spouse to see the error of their ways and make that change for the better. If this is your motivation for divorce, according to Utah therapists, be sure that it can only lead to pain and recriminations.

Also, think of whether the reason for the divorce is a problem that can still be resolved by proper communications and counseling.

Are you financially ready for divorce?

Although this may be secondary to other factors, it is also important to look at your resources without the other spouse. Will you be self-sustaining? Have you talked out how the family assets will be divided?
Who will move out of the house and who will stay? How much do you stand to earn each month? Will this be enough to cover your expenses, as well as your share of child support?

How will you prepare the children for divorce and deal with issues in a proactive manner?

Divorce will also affect those who are closest to you, particularly your children. Before you consider divorce, you and your spouse should discuss how best to prepare your children for that announcement. One way you can consider is to seek family counseling in Provo to help the children deal with their own emotions about the matter.

Have you considered the implications of divorce?

Divorce is not the quick fix-it to a problematic marriage. It, in fact, has its own problems and issues. A newly divorced person will have to deal with financial challenges and feelings of loneliness and insecurity. Both of the ex-spouses will also have to grapple with issues of child custody. It is good for both spouses to think deeply about the effects of divorce and manage your expectations about life after it.

 

A car accident. A bullying episode in school. Sexual assault. Getting trapped in your bedroom while your house is burning down. Being caught in the crossfire of an actual shoot-out. Surviving a plane crash. Being a victim of physical abuse. A killing happening right before your very eyes. Fighting in a war. Getting divorced. The death of a loved one.

These are some very stressful experiences which can leave an indelible mark in your mind and emotions. Often, it can engulf you with fear and anxiety, so much so that you lose your ability to cope physically and emotionally. If these issues and anxieties are left unresolved, the emotional injuries may fester and lead to psychological problems.

Trauma and How It is Caused

Trauma, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, is defined as “severe emotional shock and pain caused by an extremely upsetting experience”.

People cope with trauma differently. One can move on from a particularly traumatic experience while another will have recurring nightmares and other psychological effects.  It actually depends on how a person reacts internally to a situation. This is because we all have different personalities, coping skills, experiences and emotional makeup and stability.

Psychological trauma happens when there is a stressful or painful event and the person’s internal coping mechanisms are too overwhelmed. The person who has difficulty coping with the traumatic event may need some help. A traumatic experience can be a single event or a repeated event happening over a long period of time. It can be caused by a natural disaster, was or by another person’s deliberate acts.

Trauma and Its Symptoms

Persons who suffer from severe emotional trauma can have physical, emotional and psychological symptoms. Depending on the severity of the trauma, they may be marked by:

– Recurring nightmares
– Depression
– Extreme anxiety
– Social isolation
– Recurring anxiety attacks
– A hard time focusing and concentrating
– Absent mindedness and memory deficits
– Overwhelming feelings of shame or guilt
– Problems sleeping
– Eating disorders
– Chronic fatigue
– Short-temperedness and irritability
– Aggressiveness
– Propensity to abuse alcohol or drugs
– Issues with sexuality and self-esteem

How counseling can help

Utah counseling for a victim of trauma is more than just “talking it out”. With the help of a Utah counselor, you can learn how to pinpoint the negative emotions and the steps towards coming to terms with these. Rather than attempting to suppress these negative emotions, counseling can help you channel these emotions.

When the trauma victim is more able to cope with the overwhelming feelings, this engenders feelings of personal control. An experienced Provo counselor can also direct the victim towards these positive coping actions. This can include:

– Providing a place of safety and structure. Provo counseling can provide a non-threatening and non-confrontational sanctuary in which one can process his experience. It is a place he can safely discuss, examine and explore his feelings and fears. Counseling also provides the structure and “balance” by making one face expectations and beliefs that may in fact be irrational and unrealistic.
– Education.  Family counseling in Utah may help the victim become more aware of the situation, his behavior, as well as its impact on himself and others.  Sometimes, the trauma victim cannot see the situation objectively. As the trauma victim becomes more aware of the presence of the problem and how one’s behavior contributes to it, one can then start planning the steps on how he can move on.  Another area where the person can be more aware is how the crisis itself can be used for that person to grow and uncover his capabilities to resolve the crisis.
– Help towards breaking free from negative behavior. A traumatized person can develop addictive behavior and vicious cycles that may be harder to break free of as time goes by. Often, to find relief from the effects of a trauma, a person turns to drugs, alcohol, risky sexual behavior and so on.  Counseling can help one face the need to change habits and negative behavior.
– Support for facing what the person fears. At one point or the other, the person will have to face what he fears in order for him to break free of it. It may be hard to face emotional pain but it is a response that can start the process of healing. An experienced counselor can help empower and support the trauma victim towards a healthier outlook and behavior.

 

The economic downturn has, more and more, produced a lot of victims. Today’s economic challenges do not only produce jobless workers, but workers who are scared of losing their jobs and will do anything to keep their job. Aside from those who are in fear for their livelihood, possible candidates for job burnout include those who have a high level of job dissatisfaction, who have a problematic family life, who have poor work prospects and those who feel unfairly treated and discriminated against.

Reading through this list, can you consider yourself a candidate for job burnout?

Burning both ends of the candle can result in serious consequences – not just physically but also psychologically and emotionally. While you can blaze hard and fast and gain a lot of headway in your career, if you’re not careful, the long days of work and the accompanying stress will take its toll on you eventually. Aside from its effects on your health and well-being, it can also have negative consequences on something that you have sacrificed so much for in the first place – your job performance. Eventually, this will spill into your personal life and social life.

Burnout is not just something physical. It also is emotional, mental and psychological. There is a feeling of helplessness and being overwhelmed by your job responsibilities.

Job burnout: Identifying the Red Flags

It can help to identify the signs of career burnout to start seeking Utah counseling as early as possible.

– Poor enthusiasm for work. When in the past, you used to look forward to getting out of bed to prepare for work, you now fear the prospect of clocking in. Even doing the easiest of tasks is a struggle. Your usual set of responsibilities feels dull and mind-numbingly boring. Typing an email feels like weights being tied on your hands. Finishing that project can be a struggle.
– Depression about one’s work situation. The future (at least career-wise) looks bleak and disenchanting. And work engenders feelings of hopelessness.
– Poor work performance. Because of a lack of enthusiasm for your job, your work will start to deteriorate. You start missing deadlines, turn in poor quality work, get in late for work, miss whole days of work and not care about the possible consequences.
– Being weak and sickly. You will start having backaches, headaches and other physical problems. There can also be a marked lack of energy. This can be a result of the stress of performing the job or the stress of starting to hate the job.
– Poor relationships with colleagues and bosses. There is suppressed anger and this can be marked by spurts of temper. Your irritability may affect your relationships with other people in the workplace.
– Poor sleep patterns. The stress of being overworked can lead to restlessness and sleeplessness.
– Substance abuse. Often, the likely choice of escape would be the abuse of substances such as alcohol and drugs. The stress can also lead to a compromised immune system, leaving you prone to colds, flu, ulcer and other illnesses.

Counseling for Job Burnout

To stop your work life from fizzling out, you can start by seeking the help of a therapist in Utah. If you notice the above symptoms, it is advisable to act towards rectifying the possible long term consequences to your health and work life. Provo counseling can start the road towards a healthier view of work and of life in general.

Provo therapists can help by equipping you with coping tools to help put balance in your life – work, family and social connections. This includes:

– Relaxation techniques. This can include deep breathing exercises, enjoying a hobby, learning yoga or meditating. This can also include learning to “disengage” from technology. Learning how to relax can help mitigate the stress that can threaten to overwhelm.
– Assertiveness training. Sometimes, the piles of work can be because one is unable to say no to bosses and colleagues. Therapists in Provo can provide training for becoming more assertive in setting limits to the level of demands your work makes on you.
– Learning to take good care of yourself. The awareness of what stress and job burnout is doing to the body can help a person be more motivated to engage in healthy life habits. This includes eating healthy food, having a regular exercise regimen and getting enough sleep.
– Stress and anger management. Counseling can help provide you with tools to manage and express your stress and anger in positive ways.
– Goal and priority-setting. Your counselor will help you rediscover your life goals and to see how these are working out in your current situation. Your sessions can delve into knowing your priorities in life and how these can help change your direction.

Having a healthy work-family-social life balance is difficult. Juggling a lot of balls on air can be quite a challenge – but it can be done. With a proactive mentality and help from your counselor and loved ones, you can enjoy life to the full – and this includes your job!

 

Substance abuse does not only affect the addicted person. It’s like throwing a pebble on a calm lake – the ripples will be far-reaching. The first layer of those affected would be loved ones, particularly ones living with the addicted person. This includes his or her spouse, as well as children.

Sometimes, the behaviors and reactions developed by those living with an addicted person can be so that it revolves around the problem and results in a dysfunctional way of life for the family involved. Without the help of family counseling in Utah, the codependency will perpetuate, to the detriment of the family. Problems are not properly threshed out and family members respond to the problem by developing risky attitudes of their own.

What is Codependency?

Here are some quotes from experts that give a picture of what codependency is like:

“We begin tolerating abnormal, unhealthy, and inappropriate behaviors. Then we go one step further, we convince ourselves these behaviors are normal.” –Melody Beattie

“A set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members to survive in a family experiencing great emotional pain.” The Johnson Institute

When a Parent or Sibling is Addicted

The living conditions of a family with an alcoholic or drug addict is changed drastically. As such, codependency is called a “family disease”. It can be passed on even to the next generations. The way each family member acts and deals with the situation is also changed drastically. They can be characterized as:

– Compulsive: Their brand of “caring” for their addicted loved one becomes compulsive, rather than a function of choice. He can’t help but encourage the individual to continue with his addictive behavior even when he knows that his actions are to the detriment of his loved ones.
– Maladaptive: This condition prevents the codependent person to grow and develop the behaviors that meets not just their emotional needs but also the emotional needs of others.
– Causing pain and stress. These coping and survival mechanisms are developed as a way to escape and relieve pain. However, they themselves are a source or pain and stress! Those who have codependent relationships can be perfectionists to being people who seemingly live without standards, driven towards gaining prestige and status symbols, gaining high authority and a compulsion to acquire control or material possessions. This can manifest itself in eating disorders, sleeping disorders and even a propensity to also abuse substances themselves.
– Stunting relationships. Because a person with codependency issues have a pattern of behavior that seeks to put the needs of the addicted loved one before his or her own, that person will have problems forming relationships that are healthy and balanced.

Further, those with codependency issues may be in denial, in compliance, seeking control or seeking avoidance. They can also have issues of low self-esteem. Codependent individuals seek validation from others to the point that their measure of worth is based on what other people think. They also do not see themselves as worthwhile individuals and have difficulty accepting love, affection and praise. They have difficulty making decisions and perform important tasks. They would rather lie than look bad.

Denial patterns. A codependent may find it hard to admit his feelings and see that there is something wrong in the family situation. He may also be attracted to a person and yet not see that person fails to reciprocate the feelings. He also tends to project his own weakness and negative qualities on others. He may also act in passive-aggressive ways – masking what he feels with the use of social isolation, anger and humor.

Controlling patterns. This type of codependent will try to compensate by taking on the role of the “strong” caretaker. He may use gifts, charm and even sexual favors to curry approval or influence. He also seeks to establish control, is pushy and temperamental when others don’t “toe the line”. He feels validated if he is needed by others; however, he also seeks to exploit others by demanding that his needs be met. He may resent the recovery of the addicted family member since that means that the member will not need his role as caretaker anymore.

Compliance patterns. This type of codependent is malleable and remains “faithful and true” till the end, even though this means tolerating and supporting addictive behavior. A compliant codependent will put others first to the point of sacrificing his own needs and interests. He shies away from expressing his feelings and opinions, if these are contrary to other people’s feelings and opinions.

Avoidance patterns. This type of codependent pushes other people away when he feels that they have come too close for comfort. He may be very critical and “allergic” to any form of intimacy, be it physical, sexual or emotional. He avoids displays of affection or any other emotion and avoids feelings of vulnerability by holding back his own feelings.

Breaking free from the Codependency Bond

Codependency is draining in family relationships. One step towards breaking free of codependency would be to seek Utah counseling, as well as looking for support groups who also face the same issues and concerns. The family can also do well to seek the help of an experienced Utah substance abuse counselor.

Family counseling in Utah can help you become more aware of the situation and the presence of codependency. To try to combat this, a Utah therapist will help equip you to be more assertive, more aware of your needs and how you and your family can effectively and lovingly deal with an addicted family member.

An experienced counselor will be aware to set good boundaries in order to also protect against being in a codependent relationship with his clients. For instances like this, it is also a good idea to seek a counselor who is also an experienced Provo substance abuse counselor.

 

The right kind of praise can help build up a child’s sense of self and confidence. However, the wrong kind of praise will actually be detrimental to the development of a child. The words, “Good boy!” “Great job!” or “That was wonderful!” does not provide constructive praise. This kind of praise is “lazy praise” since it really does not give the child any value.

There is one school of thought that encourages the giving out of praise. There is also another that fears that too much praise can spoil a child. So, how much and what kind of praise can help build confident individuals without necessarily building kids that are spoiled with praise?

One important thing is that praise should not be manipulative – given only when a child makes us feel good of gives us what we want. Rather, praise should be given to highlight a child’s good behavior and to encourage that behavior.

Here are some ways to give “proper” praise:

Focus on the process and the effort, rather than the outcome. Instead of saying “Good job!’ (which highlights the results), say, “Thank you for your hard work and effort!” A child should be able to know why they did well in order for them to know how to do it the next time. Focusing on results will diminish the value of praise, especially if the next result is a failure. The child will tend to feel the pressure to produce the same results. Acknowledging effort will encourage the child to be ready to accept new and tougher challenges as well as encourage them to work harder.

Avoid giving too much praise. Lavishing praise can either turn children into praise junkies who crave for more praise or who no longer find the praise of any value. According to a research made by Carol Dweck and Claudia Mueller of Columbia University, too much praise can result in a child who is less confident of their actions and responses, who is fearful about sharing ideas and who shun difficult assignments.

Don’t praise a child for areas which are not in their control. This includes talents and abilities that are innate in a child – intellect, artistic or musical talent or athletic ability. Praising a child for intelligence will teach the child that any failure is caused by a lack of intelligence (“I failed, therefore, I must be stupid.”). This kind of praise may be harmful to the child and may necessitate Provo counseling at a later age.

Praising kids for their natural ability and intelligence may result in children who are more wary of challenges and more fearful of failure. Also, praising someone for their natural ability gives the child a sense of helplessness. Praise the child for behavior they can control and can be responsible for. This includes being disciplined, showing focus, being generous, respectful or hardworking. That way, they know that they can step up on the level of their efforts and see improvements.

Let your child see the natural consequences and results of their performance. Especially with children at a young age, praise may not even be necessary at all. You just need to point out what they were able to accomplish and this accomplishment will provide the praise. For instance, if a young child was able to tie his shoelaces, you simply need to say, “Look, you did it all by yourself.”

Be specific. Saying “Good job.” does not really tell the child what he did well. Rather, use praise that describes the behavior you want the child to learn. Rather, say things like, “I like the way you worked hard at finishing that assignment.” Or, “I appreciate your being able to control your temper.”

Be sincere and truthful. Rather than being helpful, insincere praise can, in fact, be damaging to a child. A child knows whether he did or did not do well. If he notices you praising him because you feel sorry for him, your praise will have little effect on him.

Avoid giving praise for achievements that came with little or no effort. This can send out the message that you don’t really care or don’t have an understanding of what the child does.

Never compare the child to other kids. Instead, focus on how well the child behaved or worked towards mastering a skill. Comparing other children brings the focus towards competition between the children, rather than in mastering a skill. This kind of comparison breeds children who are devastated at losing and whose motivation is lost when they also lose their competitive edge.

Giving the right kind of praise is a communication skill and it is a skill that is not learned overnight. You may need to go for family counseling in Utah to become more adept in your communication with your child. Utah counseling can also help thresh out issues with communication between parents and children.

 

For some, food is a good source of comfort. We each have a go-to food for when we feel depressed or stressed out. We also have times when we help ourselves to more of our fair share of food – when we go out on a buffet, or during special occasions such as Christmas or Thanksgiving. However, for binge eaters, the compulsion to overeat is something that happens regularly.

What is Binge Eating?

Binge eating or compulsive overeating is when a person regularly gorges himself with food. Even as he does, he feels that he is powerless to resist the compulsion and cannot stop even when he is already full or already feels sick because of all the food ingested. There may be feelings of stress or disgust during the eating binge. By binge, it usually means eating rapidly without enjoying or tasting the food.

Binge eating is often a response to the pressure caused by going on a major diet. This disorder usually begins during one’s late teens or early adulthood. The binge episodes are characterized by feelings of distress (for not being able to control one’s urge to eat), disgust with one’s self, guilt and even depression.

Binge eating can be a vicious cycle – where a person is driven on an eating binge because of stress. As he binges, he gets some measure of comfort, but feels bad about it afterwards. These negative feelings (about his inability to stop himself from going on a binge coupled by low self-esteem and dissatisfaction about how one looks) can drive him into further bingeing episodes. It may also be rooted in the pressure from society to look a certain way (i.e. thin = sexy and attractive).

According to Utah counselors, there are indications that binge eating is rooted in physical abnormalities. The brain may not be able to release enough serotonin to deal with feelings of depression. Or, the brain does not send the necessary signal to tell the body that it is no longer hungry.

Those who suffer from binge eating disorder are obese, as there is usually no effort made towards ridding one’s self of the food ingested through vomiting or over-exercising (as the case is with bulimia). The symptoms may include:

– Feelings of being out of control. This includes self-disgust, guilt and embarrassment.
– Eating even when one is not hungry or when one is already full
– Eating normally in the presence of others but going on a binge when one is alone
– Having a secret food stash
– The binges are regular
– The binges may last for one or two hours or may go on sporadically throughout the day

Aside from obesity, there are a number of medical, social and emotional complications associated with binge eating. These include:

– A higher likelihood of suicide
– A higher likelihood to also abuse other substances such as prescription medicine, alcohol and drugs to cope with the depression and stress
– Physical problems such as diabetes, heart problems associated with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, heart disease, gastrointestinal problems, gallbladder disease and sleep apnea.

Getting help for Binge Eating

Getting into a healthier relationship with food can be a struggle. If you or a loved one is suffering from binge eating, you may need to go for Utah counseling. If the binge eating disorder is also accompanied by substance abuse problems, you may also need to seek the services of a Utah substance abuse counselor.

Here are some things you can do to help you triumph over binge eating:

– Maintain a regular meal schedule. This should include 3 meals plus snacks, if necessary. Never skip meals, especially breakfast, since doing so will make you hungrier and have stronger food cravings. At this point, stop any diet you’re on. When you deprive yourself of food, you will actually crave for more.
– Don’t stock your cupboards with unhealthy food. Take away the temptation. If you don’t have ready access to food, it will be more difficult for you to yield to the temptation to go on an eating binge.
– Keep yourself busy. Sometimes, people eat not out of hunger but out of boredom. When all you do is watch TV or sit in front of the computer, it is easy to fall into binge eating. Keep yourself busy with activities such as planting a garden, learning a new craft, making a scrapbook or taking walks.
– Keep on moving! Get plenty of exercise. Exercise gives off feel-good substances that can help ward off any oncoming depression. As you feel good about yourself and your body, you are more able to resist eating on a binge.
– Keep a journal on your eating patterns. This will help you keep track of the amount and the kinds of food you eat. The journal will provide you with key information about how your eating is related with your mood.
– Get help. Getting into Provo counseling will help you get to the bottom of your binge eating (feelings of depression, fear and stress) and will keep you equipped with coping tools to manage your appetite. You should also get the support of friends and loved ones.
– Educate yourself. You should educate yourself about a well-balanced diet and losing weight the healthy way.

Utah therapists can do a lot towards fighting compulsions and getting equipped with healthy eating habits. Therapy can also help recognize the triggers for your binge eating and how to avoid them, as well as manage the stress that can contribute to binge eating.

 

Princess Diana, the well-loved Princess of Wales gives a helpful insight into the mind of those who indulge in cutting and self-injury: “You have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside because you want help.” Princess Diana admitted in a 1995 BBC interview that she had cutting and self-injuring tendencies.

And Princess Diana is not alone. An estimated one percent of adults and teens in the country have, at one point or another, shown some type of self-abusive tendencies. This includes practices such as:

– Cutting
– Anorexia
– Fracturing the bones
– Burning or piercing of the skin
– Banging the hear or pulling out hair
– Cutting symbols or words onto the skin
– Preventing the healing process to be fully complete

When these tendencies are allowed to persist without treatment, this behavior will worsen over the years. There may be a need to go for Utah counseling.

A self-injurer may look “normal” at the outside and is usually female. She is more likely in the prime of her life (middle 20s to early 30s) and usually will belong in the upper-middle or middle class. The cutting may be traced to experiences of physical or sexual abuse, as well as a dysfunctional family environment. Cutting and self-injury is usually rooted in a deeper problem. . Provo counseling will not only aim towards stopping the act of cutting but also to delve into the root causes.

Self-injury Defined

Self-injury is defined as intentionally causing injury to the body. This is usually manifested in making cuts or burns in some areas of the body. Self-injury is a coping mechanism that one may use to ward off feelings that may seem to overwhelm. A self-cutter will usually perform these acts to cope with anger, frustration, stress or feelings of emptiness and loss of control.

More often than not, self-injury also goes together with other psychological problems such as anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder or eating disorders. They may perform acts of self-injury to:

– Provide a temporary relief from what they are feeling
– Gain a sense of calm and control over their situation
– Provide some form of self-punishment, for what the individual perceives as his failure. It can also be seen as a cry for help
– Feel “alive” when feelings of emptiness become overwhelming. Cutting results in the release of endorphins, which give the body a certain rush.

Dealing with a Self-Cutter

Some signs of self-injury include:

– The presence of cuts, scratches and scars. Usually, these are unexplained.
– Having sharp objects nearby or in his person. This includes needles, razors, shaving implements
– Being “accident prone’”- where someone suffers from an unexpected number of broken bones, bruises and scars from cuts or burns
– Blood stains on clothes, tissues, bed linen and towels.
– Insistence on wearing “cover up” clothes such as long sleeved shirts and long pants, even during hot weather
– Need for isolation and “privacy”. A person who self-injures will avoid getting dressed or undressed in front of others, He will also brood or stay in the bathroom or bedroom for extended periods of time.

If you are a parent whose child shows symptoms of self-injury, it can be quite a challenge. It may require a fine balancing act – wanting your child to be safe and supporting your child as he heals. You may need to deal with personal feelings of guilt and self-doubt.

Some do’s and don’ts include:

– Don’t assume that the cutting is just a passing phase with your child. Seek help immediately. This can come in the form of family counseling in Provo. An experienced family counselor can help sort out the reasons and the triggers for cutting behavior.
– Do recognize the need for help. This is when family counseling in Utah can be helpful.
– Don’t hide knives, blades or any sharp objects. If a person is intent of injuring himself, no amount of hiding will deter him.
– Do show your support and unconditional love.
– Do keep yourself informed and educated. It will benefit the family to understand that cutting has an underlying cause and that it won’t be “fixed” by a few visits to the therapists or the taking of medication. The road to recovery will be a long and arduous journey.
– Don’t pile on the guilt. On yourself or on the self-cutter.

Dealing with self-harm problems will need the cooperation of the entire family.  This will help each member understand the loved one’s condition and know how they can respond and relate with him.  Provo therapists can also help identify self-harm triggers to help the loved one manage these triggers.

With the help of an experienced therapist, a self-cutter can find his way towards healthy ways to cope with emotional pressure and to deal with difficult situations.

 

The challenge of parenthood is not in seeing the pregnancy through and ensuring a safe delivery for the baby. It’s what will happen afterward – raising the child and seeing him grow into an emotionally healthy and responsible adult, one who is self-disciplined and considerate of other people’s feelings. It may involve a lot of struggles, challenges and some hair-pulling. At times, you may even need to seek family counseling in Utah to help you gain more techniques on how to discipline your child.

Establishing a System of Discipline

One important element you need to establish as a parent is a system of discipline that includes:
– Setting rules on behavior and responsibility
– Providing for rewards for positive acts
– Imposing consequences for negative behavior

Providing consequences for a child’s actions teaches the child to be responsible for his choices and behavior, to prepare them to face the world on their own, as adults. Consequences may involve logical consequences (the logical result of his actions) or loss of privileges.

Here are some things to remember when creating and enforcing an “action and consequence” system for your child:
– Provide structure. Write down the rules and corresponding consequences. This way, you don’t easily fall into the trap of providing consequences based on your emotions. Make a list of offenses and consequences so that the child knows what to expect.
– The consequences are best related to the actions. For instance, if the child gets a low grade due to failure to turn in assignments, it may work better to restrict TV or internet access, rather than ordering him to clean the garage. The first is related and is even a natural consequence of the offense. Or, if the child throws a tantrum and flings his toys about, the consequence is for him to be required to clean up the mess he made. Sending your child to his room may not be as effective when he can simply watch TV or play with video games there.
– Have a reasonable set of consequences. If it does not pose a risk to the child’s safety, allow him to experience the natural consequence of his actions. For instance, if he does not take care of his toy and it gets broken, it means that he can’t enjoy that toy anymore. According to Utah counselors, don’t set out consequences you know are impossible or unreasonable. “You are banned from the phone forever.” is not a reasonable consequence and does not give the child the motivation and opportunity to redeem himself and do better. It should be restricted to a certain period. Also, unreasonable consequences will only breed anger and resentment in your child.
– Consequences should still be respectful of the child. Arguments still abound with regards to a dad who used his child’s Facebook account to show a video of him decrying his child’s action and shooting his child’s laptop. Publicly humiliating your child is a no-win solution.
– The consequence should be given close after the offense. If your child misbehaves, the consequence should be right after the act. Giving a consequence 3 months after the fact is not effective.
– Give consequences for good behavior, not just for bad. This will show your child that you don’t only notice bad behavior; rather, good behavior is also rewarded. This will give him something to reach for.
– The consequence should be age appropriate. Expecting your teen to ponder and change bad behavior after you have made him “face the wall” is largely ineffective. However, a teen will especially “feel” the consequence if it means restricted access to the Internet or the loss of privilege to go out with friends.
– Show consistency.Don’t selectively impose the rules. Your child should be able to know what to expect. Usually, your child will show some resistance when you introduce a new set of rules. However, when you show that you will impose it every time, it will send a message that you mean business. If you have difficulty applying the rules consistently, get the help of the people around you – teachers, other family members or your Provo counselor.
– Seek help. If your child has problems following the rules and may exhibit behavior that is dangerous to himself and to others, it may be time to go for family counseling in Provo. This is particularly important when there are signs of alcohol or substance abuse. A Utah substance abuse counselor can provide the guidance to help your child recover from substance abuse issues.

A friend had to go through the painful experience of watching his mother suffer the effects of colon cancer. The mother had cavalierly treated her health, didn’t go to the doctor to have her condition checked and the colon cancer was shown to be asymptomatic, so no serious treatment was made until it was too late. My friend saw his mother suffer from the cancer and die. As a result, he went to the other extreme – being too preoccupied with his health and convinced that he, too, will contract the same disease. Small aches and pains will drive him to demand a room in the hospital, even though his doctor has reassured him that he’s okay.

What is hypochondria?

Hypochondria is marked by an extreme preoccupation with one’s health. Simply put, it is an exaggerated health anxiety, despite the fact that thorough medical evaluation has ruled out any serious disease. The number of people suffering from hypochondria is difficult to pin, since people with hypochondria tend to go to their doctors instead of therapists in Provo or a mental healthcare practitioner. Nevertheless, approximately 1% of the American adult population has hypochondria.

According to Utah therapists, the preoccupation can be unhealthy due to the fact that it has already interfered with the person’s ability to lead a normal life. He is unable to deal with the needs of his family, relationships and work because his schedule is peppered with visits to the doctor or hospital stays.

Please take note that it is normal to worry and be concerned about one’s health, to learn to listen to your body and determine whether there are symptoms of a disease. However, a hypochondriac has taken this normal concern to an extreme.

Hypochondria can be marked by:
–    Physical “symptoms” include nausea, dizziness, numbness, fatigue, stomachaches, headaches, soreness of the body. Usually, the pains are subjective, something that cannot be absolutely quantified by lab tests, MRI and CAT scans.
–    Simple aches and pains, a cut, a cough, a runny nose or minor physical aberrations are seen to be serious diseases. (i.e. a stomach ache can be considered stomach cancer.) In some cases, even normal body functions (sweating, falling hair, bowel movements) can be seen as warning signs of a serious health condition.
–    The symptoms are sometimes vague (“My liver feels sore.” “My joints feel achy.”), sometimes specific.
–    Indulging in exploratory surgery or complicated diagnostic exams such as CAT scans or MRIs
–    The selected disease is usually something that is serious and life threatening.
–    The tendency to self-diagnose. When the disease of choice is ruled out by his doctor, he immediately researches the possibility that the symptoms can match another serious disease.
–    The tendency of research about perceived symptoms excessively.
–    Obsessively watching out for changes in the body to see whether there are problems or the problem has “worsened”.
–    Switching doctors frequently, especially if the previous doctors have already given him a clean bill of health and is not “listening to him”.
–    Talking about his illness and its symptoms to anyone who will listen.

Hypochondria can be debilitating and harmful to one’s health. There is a propensity to take medications without the doctor’s prescription or to abuse substances and drugs in an effort to alleviate the “symptoms”. The anxiety over getting seriously ill can also result in depression or other anxiety disorders. The unnecessary medical examinations, exploratory surgeries and medical procedures can also pose a serious threat to one’s health.

Hypochondria and the Internet

The access to ready information about symptoms and matching diseases has fueled more anxiety. This isn’t helped by the fact that minor ailments and major diseases can often share similar symptoms. If one continues searching for an illness that matches one’s perceived symptoms, chances are, he will find a serious illness he can get anxious about.

Treatment for hypochondria

Therapists in Utah can help with alleviating the symptoms and problematic behavior caused by hypochondria. Regular Provo counseling can help the patient come to an understanding that his symptoms are not caused by a physical disease, rather, it is a health anxiety problem. This understanding can help lessen the anxiety.

Hypochondria can be treated by Utah counselors with the help of cognitive-behavioral treatment. Those suffering from hypochondria can deal with it and overcome the anxiety about their health with the help of medications, therapy or counseling.