You have waited with joyful anticipation for the coming of your little one. You excitedly embarked on projects to welcome the baby. The nursery is all decorated and filled with the necessary equipment. You have bought the baby a complete wardrobe (and then some). And when that moment came, when you first saw your baby, you experienced such delight at finally holding him.

And then… comes the 3 a.m. feedings, the non-stop crying jags, the need to juggle your schedule around the baby. The sleepless nights, lack of sex and overall fatigue takes a toll on you and your spouse. Your relationship feels strained. You can say goodbye to spontaneous dates, to quiet evenings by the fire, to sleeping in. Yes, a baby is a gift and a blessing, but you must also prepare for the challenges of being a parent and a spouse.

The mother may feel resentful that they take the role of the primary caretaker and feel that the husband has more freedom and more opportunities to rest and relax. This resentment may also be exacerbated by the feeling that as primary caretaker, they assume more “difficult” roles with the baby – breastfeeding, bathing, changing the diapers while the father gets to simply enjoy and play with the baby.

Meanwhile, the father can feel left out of the excitement and this can also lead to feelings of resentment. Commonly, it is the mother who gets the supports from loved ones and friends.  The busyness of taking care of baby’s needs may also result in a feeling of disconnection between the husband and wife. If the wife is the primary caregiver, the husband may also feel guilty about feelings of jealousy that crop up as a result of the wife spending more time with the baby.

So, how do you manage your relationship and maintain your connection with your spouse even as you take care of your baby?
–    Establish your bond before the birth. If your marriage is already rocky prior to the baby’s birth, it would be good to consider getting Utah marriage counseling. You see, if there are problems with the marriage even before the arrival of the baby, the stress of caring for the baby may add another strain and your marriage bond may start to unravel. Provo counseling can help strengthen your marriage and prepare it for this challenge.
–    Establish a relationship that is couple-centered, not baby-centered. Arranging your relationship around your children will only set you up for a never-ending round of meeting their needs while ignoring you and your spouse’s needs. Remember, the best gift you can give to your children is for you to love your spouse.
–    Don’t be Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. In caring for your baby, have realistic expectations about what you or your spouse can and should do. Your house does not have to be immaculate and you don’t have to eat off the kitchen floor. Having unrealistic expectations about your housekeeping skills coupled with caring for the baby may just be too much. The same goes with being a parent to your child. Compulsive parenting (or that desire to do things or parent in a certain way, to be the “supermom” or “superdad”) will cause strain on your relationship with your spouse.
–    Strive for balance. Of course, the demands of a crying baby will be more urgent that you find little time to take care of yourself and your spouse. However, strive for balance by hiring a sitter or asking mom to watch the baby while you go out for a quick date with your spouse. Make sure you also get enough rest – catch a nap while your baby is sleeping, cuddle with your spouse during this time of quiet.
–    Get what help you can. If loved ones and friends offer a helping hand, gratefully accept. You don’t have to go at it alone. If you also struggle with negative feelings about the baby, you can also consider going to Utah therapists for help in coping with the stress you may be feeling.
–    Keep communicating. Provo marriage counseling can help equip you with positive communications skills so that you can openly discuss your own reactions and feelings about the baby, the changing needs of the family and discuss your changing set of expectations. Be open about your fears about being a parent, how chores can be divided between you and your spouse, what you need and expect from him or her at this time. Make sure to set aside time to touch base every day.

One good reminder about the roller coaster ride of parenting is the mantra, “This, too, shall pass.” Our little helpless bundles of joy will eventually grow up to become independent adults. Thus, it is important to remember to also strengthen your bond as a couple, even at a time when you seem to have your hands full with the baby. To get more help with this, you can also go for couples counseling in Utah.

A song by Weird Al Yankovic has this tongue-in-cheek take on Passive-Aggressive behavior:

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You’re still the light of my life
Oh darling, I’m begging, won’t you put down that knife

You know, I even think it’s kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft

Oh, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer
Sometimes I get to thinking you don’t love me anymore

Exaggerated as this song may be, sometimes couples are guilty of some degree passive-aggressive behavior. On the surface, things are “okay” when they are actually not. And to express that there is something wrong, we behave in a way that tries to send the message indirectly, act in such a way as to punish our spouse or show our disapproval.

Being passive-aggressive is one way of communicating. However, this kind of “communication” is can be considered dishonest. We deny that we are angry and pretend that everything is just the way we want it when they are actually not.  For instance, a spouse who doesn’t want to clean up the garage will put that undesired task indefinitely. Or, complain and sullenly complete the task. Or, when asked to go for Provo marriage counseling, a spouse will make up excuses to delay the visit or always be late for the appointments.

According to Provo marriage counselors, passive-aggressive behavior is not healthy for a marriage. The first step towards more open and honest communications between you and your spouse is to identify some passive-aggressive behaviors you or your spouse may be doing. With an increased awareness of these behaviors, you can already make efforts towards avoiding the said behavior.

Here are some characters that show passive aggressiveness:

The Turtle. Like the turtle, instead of engaging in dialogue about what’s wrong or what the problem is, this kind of behavior will withdraw from the situation and the argument. Whenever you open up a discussion, this spouse will respond with “whatever” or leave the argument outright. The result is that the issue is not threshed out and there is no real communication.

The Denial King. As they say, “Denial is not just a river in Egypt.” Persons who fall under this type of behavior will say, “No problem. I’m not angry. Do whatever you want. I’m fine with it.” But their behaviors belie their smiles and assurances that “it’s ok”. This type of behavior masks the true feelings of anger so that they don’t rock the boat.

The Saboteur.  This behavior will agree and actually do the things he or she does not like, but will do it improperly so as to irritate the person who asked him or her to do it. The act of doing it postpones an argument or disagreement but also results in anger on the part of the person who initiated the task. Another way to try act like the Saboteur is to make the other person wait a long time before a task is done.

The Hasta Mañana Specialist. This behavior will try to put off doing a task even though he or she has already verbally agreed to do it. Another version of this will be to conveniently “forget” the task until it exasperates the other spouse.

The Victim. Instead of accepting responsibility for something or for an action, this type of passive-aggressive behavior will feel that you are unfairly on his or her case. He or she is a victim of unfair treatment. The other spouse is the one who has very high and unreasonable expectations.

Looking at the behaviors, you can see that a marriage can suffer from a lack of communication, an overflow of unexpressed anger and no healthy interactions to solve a certain issue. Now, what can you do to ward off passive-aggressive behavior? Here are some simple steps:
– Remove ambiguity. Be clear and specific so as to avoid misunderstandings or any room for someone to “misinterpret” what you said. Doing so will minimize the potential for conflict.
– Be aware of your behaviors and responses. If you have a spouse who has a tendency to act passive-aggressively, or if you tend to act the same way yourself, be more observant of your own behaviors and reactions. This can be a start of your exploring the patterns that are unhealthy for the relationship/
– Be realistic. Don’t expect too much than what your spouse can give or do willingly. Measure the extent by which he or she will change realistically and work from there.
– Help your spouse accept responsibility for the behavior. It is tempting to shield your spouse from your unhappy feelings (and thus be tempted to be passive-aggressive yourself). However, this will not help your relationship. Using “I” statements rather than “You” statements, tell your spouse how his or her behavior affects those around him or her. Do not let your spouse give excuses for this kind of behavior. When doing this, though, remember that you are pointing out his or her wrong behavior, not attack him or her as a person.
– Fight fair. Avoid trash talking. If things get too hot or off track, you can agree to have a cool down period before you resume your discussion.

These are just simple things you can do. However, it is still recommended that both of you go for Utah marriage counseling to help you be more aware of some passive-aggressive behaviors you may (consciously or unconsciously) be practicing. With the help of an experienced Utah marriage counselor, you can explore the reasons behind the passive-aggressiveness and find ways to resolve these issues.

You can be equipped with a number of communications and coping tools from couples counseling in Utah. With these, you and your spouse can start making headway towards positive communication and away from passive-aggressive behaviors.

Do you often hear this in your home?
Parent 1: “Why did you allow Matt to go out with his friends when his homework is not yet finished?”
Parent 2: “He’ll finish it when he comes back. Why are you always so strict? Give the kid a break!”

Parent 1: “What were you thinking? Why did you give our child such as expensive gift?”
Parent 2: “Well, I want our child to enjoy the finer things in life.”

Parent 1: “Sharon broke a friend’s mobile phone. She’s grounded.”
Parent 2: “I think we should let Sharon earn the money to replace her friend’s phone.”

Different Strokes for Different Folks

More often than not, parents have different parenting styles and this difference creates conflict, not just between the two spouses, but in their children as well. We must remember that parenting styles are an extension of your personality and upbringing. And because we are each our own person with our distinct personalities, we also handle situations with our kids differently. When one is cool-headed and relaxed, the other may all too quickly fly off the handle. When one is more permissive (“enjoy yourself, do what you feel is fine”), the other parent may be more authoritarian (“Do it because I said so.”) When one yearns for structures and schedules, the other tends to go with the flow and be more laidback.

It is important for parents to remember that the overall goal is to be able to raise children to be strong, happy and responsible adults. Parenting, after all, is a partnership between the father and mother.  However, this is often not the case. When parents disagree about how the children will be raised, this can result to:
– Giving the children a weakness to exploit. Children, seeing the conflict between you, can pit you against each other. Did the mother say “no” with regards to a certain rule? Why not ask dad and see if he says “yes”?
– Confusing the children. If there are different parenting styles, children tend to end up confused with regards to rules and standards of behavior. How do we behave when mom thinks it’s okay but dad gets angry if we act a certain way?
– Forcing children to take sides. This is a responsibility that is too heavy for a child to bear. A child should not be made to take sides (and subsequently feel guilty) because of the parents’ conflicting parenting styles. Also, constant conflicts with parenting styles result in the child choosing one parent over the other, based on the parenting style they feel works in their best interest at the moment. Utilizing the “good cop/bad cop” routine in parenting only creates confusion and guilt in the child.
– Contributing to a child’s depression. A child may feel depressed and stressed out due to the child’s guilt feelings or confusion. The child may need to have family counseling in Provo to help him deal with these feelings of depression

Thus, it is important for two parents to come together and discuss how they will parent their child.
Here are some things that parents can do to help unify their parenting styles:
– Explore your own parenting style. It helps to be more self-aware about how we parent. Start by looking at these key areas:
o   How you express your love and affection. Do you do it using words? Or do you tend to lavish your kids with hugs and kisses? Or, do you say how you feel through extravagant gifts?
o   How you play your role as caretaker and nurturer. Are you uninvolved? Or are you too involved?
o   How you make decisions.
o   How you exercise discipline.

Being more aware of your parenting style will help you adjust this style when adjustments are warranted.
– Agree on strategies and core values. Discuss with your spouse the set of values you want your child to have. Ask yourself and your spouse:”What is my child’s best interest and what is the best parenting style to achieve that?”
– Recognize the best in each other. Each parent has his or her own areas of strength. And this area of strength can benefit your child. Recognizing what each parent can bring to the table can help create a spirit of cooperation between you and your spouse.
– Point out areas of conflict in parenting. Identify the areas in which your parenting styles clash and decide on what the best style and strategy would apply for that situation.
– Don’t undermine each other’s authority. Argue and discuss if you must, but do this out of child’s sight and out of earshot. Arguing in front of your child is costly, as your child ends up devaluing one parent over another. Also, avoid countermanding or going against your spouse’s decision. Rather than telling your child that you’re canceling your spouse’s decision to ground your child, you can discuss between yourselves and again come up with a unified decision you can apply when the same situation comes up. By presenting a united front for your child, you avoid confusing your child and make your standards of behavior clearer for your child.
– Ask for help. Sometimes it takes Utah counseling to help thresh things out between you and your spouse with regards to developing a unified parenting style. It is good to get seasoned Utah counselors, as their experience will help provide you with valuable insights.

Provo counselors will help provide you and your spouse with parenting and communicating tools that can help you establish your unified parenting style. Therapists in Provo can help you become more self-aware of your own parenting style and help you as a couple to draft your own strategies with regards to parenting styles.

“I’m so fat. I hate myself.”
“I want to be taller. What can I do to improve my height.”
“I look too puny. How will I develop my muscles?”
“I hate my freckles.”
“I need a tan.”

Teenagers face a lot of pressure with regards to their appearance. Coupled with the desire to fit in with one’s peer group, to look “hot”, there is added pressure coming from the media, which has perpetuated a certain body image. Pop stars and models sport form-fitting clothes. Sports figures and Hollywood hunks with six-pack abs and big muscles. Your teen looks at these images and then looks at himself in the mirror and does not like what he sees. There is a tendency to be more self-critical, to see something as less than everyone else sees.

Studies indicates that around 90% of female teens are dissatisfied with their bodies and that their physical appearance ranks high among their major concerns in life. And issues on body image start early – girls as young as 9 years old said that they didn’t like how their bodies are shaped. And as teens become more dissatisfied with their bodies, teens may resort to dangerous dieting practices and develop bulimia, compulsive eating or anorexia. This may give rise to a whole list of other problems – physically, emotionally and psychologically. It may need some kind of intervention such as Utah substance abuse counselor.

As parents, how can we help our children love who they are and glory in their own unique personality and appearance? The key is to help your child build a healthy sense of self-esteem, to help him see his worth as he is. Here are some ways concerned parents can help:
– Teach your child to love who she is. If you make your child feel valued and loved, she will also value and love herself.
– Create a haven for your child. Peers, friends and even other people may, consciously or unconsciously, give hostile messages to our children. There may be comments not just about one’s body shape, but also one’s face, complexion and weight. Make your home a place where your child will feel safe from criticism with regards to his appearance. Recognize your child’s strengths and find opportunities to provide positive comments about these.
– Provide role models. Find examples of men and women who have achieved success because of what they did, not how they looked like.
– Eat together. Make it a point to have meals together at least once a day, where there are no distractions such as TV. Rather, make family dinner times a pleasant time where you can talk about how your day went. Don’t make dinner time your platform to discuss body image issues, either.
– Set a good example. Sometimes, we may not be aware that we ourselves are contributing to their poor body image by having poor body image ourselves. When we constantly complain about our appearance and our weight, this pre-occupation will also be our teen’s pre-occupation. Eat healthy meals and exercise regularly (not mainly to look thin but to stay healthy).
– Be conscious of statements and actions. Again, we can do a lot to encourage or discourage our child and how he sees himself. Be aware of statements such as “You shouldn’t have that dessert, dear. It could go straight to your already bulging stomach.” Also, there may be different messages we send to boys and girls. To boys, we say that it’s okay and even healthy for them to eat more while with girls, we unconsciously send the message that they should eat less. Being more aware of your statements will help you hold your tongue when you know that what you are about to say can be taken as criticism against how they look.
– Supervise his meals. Make sure that there are a lot of healthy meals and snacks available in your home.
– Teach your teen to be more critical about what he sees in the media. Help your teen see that the images presented on TV and magazines are not true reflections of reality. It will be beneficial to realize that most images are part of a marketing strategy to encourage people to buy products.
– Get help. Your teen may need Utah counseling to help him cope with poor body image issues and peer pressure. Utah therapists can help the teen become more self-aware and see his or her special abilities and talents.

Sometimes, it takes the whole family to go for family counseling in Utah to help the family be more proactive and each have healthy self-images. With the help of Utah counseling, your family can learn have wholesome attitudes about their bodies.

Marriage is a vow to be there for your spouse “for better or for worse”. The “worse” part could include the loss of a parent, a child or a friend orlost opportunities (going through menopause or being fired from one’s job). The grief can also be about aging, children leaving the home to establish their own homes, or the bad news of a parent’s terminal illness. It can be a grief that both spouses experience or it can be something that only one spouse is going through. The grief can result in the grieving person feeling distressed, angry and bitter, guilty, isolated, fearful and lonely.

When a spouse is in a season of grieving, the other spouse needs to know how to deal with the process. The loss can cause a negative impact in your marriage or it can show how a couple express their love for each other at one of the worst points in their lives. It can bring the spouses closer to each other. Being there for your spouse can mean letting him or her “do stuff”, doing things with him or her or simply listening. However, according to Utah marriage counseling, mishandling how we help our spouse through the grieving process can lead to them becoming emotionally distant from us.

Recognize the necessity for grief. We should recognize that for one to heal from a loss, grief is an essential part of the process. So when a spouse is grieving, we should not prevent him or her from doing so.

Recognize that people grieve in different ways. Your grieving process will most likely be different from your spouse’s. If you both are grieving, you can’t expect your spouse to grieve in the same way as you do. You may need the advice of Provo therapist to understand your spouse’s grieving process. There are people who grieve by doing physical things such as running, indulging in a hobby or playing. There are also others that are grieve more verbally, who feel the need to share feelings and discuss the loss. Showing respect and continuing to be there in ways that matter will help you and your spouse remain connected at this time of grief.

Learn more about grief. Even if grief is normal, you also need to be watchful about signs of depression and how you can help. Couples counseling in Utah can provide with you with the insights about your spouse’s grief and whether it is going over to the side of depression. That said, it is also important to note that grief does not have any deadlines. You can’t come to your spouse and say, “That is enough time, you should be done grieving.” Give your spouse the time he or she needs to grieve.

Be patient. Strap yourself in and get ready for an emotional roller coaster ride. Especially when grief is still raw, anything can set tears and grief off – a song, a certain kind of food, an event. There may be days that the person grieving is feeling “okay” and days when he or she feels down in the dumps. Don’t pressure your spouse to “be strong”. It is also important to understand your spouse’s disinterest in sexual intimacy as grief can minimize the desire for sexual or intimate contact.

It can be beneficial to go for family counseling in Utah to help you as a couple or even the whole family to work through the grief. Don’t afraid to accept the support of others. You can also think about joining a support group. Provo marriage counseling can provide you with resources for your and your spouse’s grief.

Marriage is supposed to be a bond that is so close that two people become one. Marriage should ideally be a place where you feel free to show your true self, knowing that your partner will love and accept you as you are. However, it is also the union of two imperfect humans. What makes it more complicated is that there are other factors that can affect a marriage and its intimacy – issues with money, raising up children, dealing with in-laws and so on.

But if a married couple wants to enjoy more intimacy or to at least maintain a certain level of intimacy, they need to work at these barriers. Mind you, intimacy is not just about the sexual aspect of the relationship. More than that, it is “being one” on other levels – emotionally and intellectually.

The first step to building intimacy is to identify some of the barriers that prevent a couple’s closeness. By being pro-active, you can know what hinders you and your spouse from achieving the level of intimacy you want and work from there. Here are some barriers that rob the joy from (and could potentially destroy) a marriage:

Lack of self awareness. The adage, “Know thyself.” is a challenge, but it is necessary in building intimacy between you and your spouse. The more we know ourselves (our strengths, our weaknesses, our desires), the more we are able to share these to our spouse. We also tend to be more comfortable, more in control about ourselves and our actions and reactions when we are more self-aware. To help prevent lack of self-awareness from rearing its ugly head, we need to take it upon ourselves to deal with unresolved emotional and psychological issues that we have, as we proceed towards knowing more and more about ourselves. If you need some help with this, you can consider going for some personal counseling. Counseling can help us deal with emotional baggage, as well as our unmet needs (and how we can communicate this to our spouse)
Lack of communication. Intimacy involves communication – the sharing of what we feel, who we are, what we think. Without communication, our spouse will not know us on a deeper level, and vice versa. Also, when we fail to communicate how we feel, as we often do when we don’t want to rock the boat, feelings of resentment and bitterness can pile up and even explode at unexpected times.
Problems with physical intimacy. A couple may have issues with sexual compatibility or physical intimacy. Even though sex is just one aspect of a couple’s intimacy, a satisfying sex life can bring a couple closer and forge a bond. A problem with physical intimacy (i.e. wrong concepts about sex, fear of being touched, etc.) can lead to sexual dissatisfaction. Those who have issues with physical intimacy may benefit from couples  therapy in Provo, where an experienced counselor can help you explore the reasons behind these issues.
Lack of time. The tyranny of the urgent. Pressing commitments, demands for attention from children, deadlines from work – all these eat up time. Building intimacy also needs time – time for you to enjoy and experience each other, time for you to simply sit and communicate. Often, it may demand for you to set priorities. Make it a point to set time just for the both of you.
Infidelity. The loss of trust brought on by infidelity may be a hard barrier to overcome. Trust has to be earned back and this may take some work and time, as well as some marriage therapy.
Conflicts. When you are at odds with each other, this will naturally affect your closeness as a couple. Conflicts may cover a wide range of concerns – money, priorities, incompatibility with your core values and so on.
Addictions. Substance abuse problems (drugs and alcohol), as well as other addictions (pornography, gambling, etc.) can suck a lot of positive energy from a relationship. The other partner’s pre-occupation is with the addiction and this negatively impacts the relationship. Sexual intimacy is affected by a partner’s addiction to pornography – where the other partner is left with feelings of insecurity while the other partner has to deal with unmet expectations compounded by feelings of guilt. You may need to consider getting Utah substance abuse counseling for the partner who is addicted.

The good news is that a couple can rise above barriers to intimacy. It may be a challenge but it can be done. With the help of an experienced marriage counselor, you can take the first step towards breaking down these barriers and starting the never-ending journey of becoming one.

If you are located in Provo, Utah, do visit Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan has years of marriage counseling and therapy under his belt. As a therapist licensed to practice in Utah, he has been helping couples strengthen their marriage bonds and enjoy a deeper level of intimacy.

A marriage, a family has its stages. So you have lived through the highs and lows of marriage and parenting. You rejoiced at the news of each new addition to the family. You have struggled through sleepless nights caring for your young children. You survived the terrible twos and the teenage years. You wiped away tears of pride as you watched your children grow and move through the next phases of their lives – graduation, getting a job, getting married.

And the whirlwind of activities suddenly quiets down. The chicks have flown the coop – the nest you have lovingly built is now empty. After all the frenzy of activity, you now find yourself alone with your spouse. This “new-found freedom and independence” you once longed for suddenly becomes a not-so- attractive prospect. When you let your identity and purpose be defined by your children and you suddenly “lose” them to adulthood, this may require a lot of adjustment on you and your spouse’s part.

With a little help from couples counseling in Provo, as well as your proactive moves towards dealing with the empty nest syndrome, you can make the transition easier. Here are some ways for you to deal with the empty nest syndrome:
– Acknowledge that you need time to grieve. There will be feelings of loss or sadness at the knowledge that you can no longer peep into their bedrooms and tuck them into bed, or have petty arguments about their wardrobe choice. Naturally, you will be missing your kids. Allow yourself the time and the chance to grieve.
– Line up activities for you and your spouse. Prepare for the things you want to do now that you have more time for yourselves. Think of activities you want to indulge in individually and as a couple. This is a perfect opportunity for you and your spouse to rediscover yourselves and your relationship.
– Get a little help from friends. Chances are, you also will have friends who are facing the same predicament. Get a support network; you don’t have to go at it alone. But take note that this is not a time to look towards your children as your support network. Remember that they, too, are facing a major phase in their lives. Aside from friends, you can also turn to a Utah family counselor for some advice and tools to cope.
– Rediscover your marriage and your spouse. The empty nest is one of the reasons for divorce, especially when a couple has drifted apart and the only bond that had held them together is the children. A couple may discover that they are disconnected with each other and may need some marriage counseling Utah.
– Remind yourself that you are still your children’s parent. Whether your child is 4 or 44, you will still be “mom” or “dad”. Although the way you take care of them will be different, you can still find opportunities to provide the support that your children need. You can commit to keep in touch, to make regular calls and visits while giving your children the space they also need to grow

When professional counseling is needed

There will also be times when the empty nest results in feelings of overwhelming sadness or grief. This may indicate that you are becoming depressed. It is important to be aware of the symptoms of depression. Aside from feelings of sadness that often overpower you and your ability to function normally, depression is marked by changes in sleeping patterns (oversleeping or having difficulty sleeping), changes in appetite and loss of motivation or interest. Feel free to seek counseling.

If you are living in Provo, Utah and are considering getting counseling, feel free to call Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan is a licensed marriage and family counselor and has provided helpful therapy for struggling individuals, couples and families.

In the rapidly changing world of parenting, children seem to be growing up more rapidly than ever before. The world of teens and tweens is saturated with ever-increasing peer pressure and social anxiety. Children learn limits by testing them and it is vital for parents to enforce these limits. However, there are five considerable mistakes, or blunders that parents may be guilty of, which include:

1. Worst Case Scenario Survival – Parents that expect the worst from their teens often sets teens up for disappointing disapproval. Giving children the message that they are only “good” if they are not being “bad” sets them up for a disastrous outcome. Parents who teach children that they have negative expectations can often expect this to backfire, causing a child to act out this negativity and make parents’ worst fears a reality. Connecting with children creates an environment where open communication receives positive enforcement.
2. “But I read in a parenting book …” – Often this statement is enough to make someone cringe. The over abuse of reading every parenting book available is actually detrimental to the parent-child relationship. Parents who read every book available on child rearing are often stressed, brimming with worry and negativity. Parents who do not rely on their own internal instincts and parenting skills and try to replace them with every child-rearing theory in existence, typically end up far worse than those that trust their guts. While parenting books can be helpful, limiting the number, and only using the articles to gain perspective is a more positive approach to childrearing. 
3. Focus on the big picture, not the small picture – If a parent does not care for a child’s self-expressionism, haircut or clothes, it is also important to understand when to draw the line and when to let miniscule things go. As long as a child’s choice of clothing is not provocative, parents may decide it is better to allow their child to experiment with self-expression than alienate him/her. Children have to experience life – to a degree – by themselves. Parents are not able to shelter children forever and childhood unfortunately involves experiencing disappointment, hurt, failure and pain.
4. Ignoring the Big Picture – Many parents would rather ignore suspicions that their child is using drugs or abusing alcohol. In fact, parents need to address these problems immediately otherwise they could rapidly escalate. Today there are more drugs available to children, posing major health risks and concerns. A popular choice trend between teens includes huffing, abusing cough medicine and mistreatment of over the counter medications.
5. Iron Fist vs. Kid Gloves: Finding the Middle Ground – Some parents employ harsh iron fist parenting tactics that can push children away, making them feel disciplined for every minor mistake and error. Other parents pursue the angle that they want their teen to be their friend and stray away from enforcing discipline. In reality, parents need to find a happy medium between these two extremes. Overly strict parents may stunt their child’s development by not allowing him/her to grow and become his/her own person. Parents who do not discipline do not provide the structure and foundation a child needs for sufficient self-discovery. Parents need to establish values and communicate these effectively to their children.

No one ever claimed that parenting was an easy task. In fact, it is not only an 18-year commitment, but also a lifetime commitment. Therapists in Provo are available to help parents build their parenting skills, including improving communication with their teen or tween. Family counseling in Utah is also a good option for parents that need a third party counselor to help initiate communication and healthy interaction with their child. Provo counselors receive special training that helps families focus on therapy in a safe environment, helping strengthen relationships and create healthy family bonds.

Nothing can fully prepare someone for becoming a parent. The responsibility, early morning feedings and tasks involved in being a parent can be daunting and overwhelming. So, too, is adolescence.

Adolescence marks a transition in a child’s life from depending solely on the parents to becoming more individualistic and peer-driven. While this may be a difficult time for Mom and Dad, all parents should want their child’s transition to be as seamless as possible.

The following are key issues that family’s can work on to forge a solid bond that extends from infancy, to adolescence and well into adulthood.

1. Parents should always provide a safe environment and evoke the reassurance of unconditional love.
2. Create an atmosphere that revolves around mutual trust, honesty and respect.
3. Parents should establish age appropriate limits on assertiveness and independence. Too little or too much independence can damage a child.
4. Forge a close-knit bond that encourages a child to talk openly with the parents, while still maintaining a parent relationship (vs. a parent being a peer or friend).
5. Children need to learn responsibility.
6. The importance of establishing and accepting limits.
7. The consequence of impulsiveness and not thinking about his/her actions.

Having this strong, cohesive foundation built between parents and children, helps make the transition into adolescence smoother. Having a relationship between parent and child where honesty is of utmost importance forges a sturdy bond.

If a parent and child experience adolescent tension, it may be appropriate to seek family counseling in Utah. Therapists in Provo can help parents and adolescents communicate more effectively. Therapists also provide valuable insight into why a child is experiencing a difficult time during this teenage transition. Family counseling in Provo may focus on tasks for the parents and/or children; including helping establish the aforementioned key bonding tasks. A therapist can reassure parents if a teen’s behavior is acting within the normal guidelines of an adolescent seeking independence, or if the exhibited behavior is cause for alarm.

Concerning behaviors should be addressed immediately with a counselor and include: alcohol and drug abuse (not experimentation but an abusive addiction), steady academic decline, social isolation, repeated truancy, negative self-esteem issues, repeatedly deifying parental authority, suicidal or physically threatening to others. Rest assured that licensed therapists specialize in focusing on these areas and are readily available to assist families.

Addiction is the habitual, frequent and uncontrollable act that involves the use of alcohol, drugs and/or centers around a certain behavior. Typically, two symptoms must be present to constitute an addiction.

1. The behavior is counterproductive and harmful.
2. The behavior is a constant.

Addiction differs from obsessive-compulsive traits in that an addiction centers on deriving and anticipating pleasure. An obsessive-compulsive disorder stems from compulsion and relief. There may be a fine line between the two and only a licensed therapist is able to make a diagnosis.

Addiction affects not only the person who suffers from the addiction, but also the people that surround him/her. An addict may blame other people or outside circumstances for his/her detrimental behavior. Often time’s addiction is the result of a person feeling there is no escape or better way to cope with the issues he/she is experiencing. When someone feels that addiction is the best means of coping with an issue – e.g., child abuse, a family member’s death, trauma, etc. – it is because the addiction allows him/her to escape reality, distracting him/her from the deep-rooted issues he/she is avoiding.

 

There are several different types of addiction, including, but not limited to:

• Alcohol Dependency – Can the person stop drinking if he/she wants to?
• Drug Dependency – This includes illicit drugs, such as marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines and legal drugs, such as painkillers.
• Compulsive Behaviors – This includes gambling, video game addiction, shopping, exercising, sex addictions and overeating. 

Additionally, addiction effects many people but requires three types of central figures:

• Victims – Those people that wallow in constant self-pity.
• Enablers – Always provide excuses for the addict.
• Persecutors – Put the addict in defense mode, which makes him/her seek out a method for relieving the pain.

Since addiction rarely involves treating a single individual, but requires family members and friends to receive treatment to stop the victim, enabler and persecutor cycle, it is important to seek the advice and guidance of a professional licensed therapist or counselor.

There are varieties of therapies someone can consider, especially in the state of Utah. This includes visiting a Utah substance abuse counselor, family counseling in Utah and even couples counseling in Utah. Working with a licensed professional will help someone forge a path that leads towards recovery.