A mariage wracked by infedility. Trouble with a rebellious teenager. Issues with sexual addiction, alcoholism or drug abuse. These issues have a considerable impact on a marriage or on a family. People may mistakenly hope that these problems are just a phase and that they will blow away sometime in the future. However, the wounds and scars caused by these issues often not just result in cracks in our relationships. They sometimes result in seriously deep crevices that may need more work, and perhaps the help of family counseling.
How Marriage or Family Therapy can Help
People often see a marriage or family therapist as a balm, a cure-all for the problems they are facing. Or, sometimes, people go into therapy at a point where the problems overwhelm the relationship and the couple is simply going through marriage counseling as the last nod off before getting a divorce.
The question is, why does family counseling or therapy do? Why should a couple or family go and seek therapy services? In what ways can family counseling help?
– Fostering open communications. Oftentimes, poor communications is the cause of conflict. And over time, as people fail to communicate feelings and simply gloss over the issues, the problems become too big to manage. There may be blow-ups that cause major fights. In addition, there are also family environments that prevent open communications. Family members may not feel comfortable talking about issues honestly. For instance, a spouse may feel awkward saying personal information in front of the spouse for fear of a negative reaction. Or, a child may feel reluctact to share his feelings for fear of a confrontation.
A good marriage or family counselor can help foster open and honest communications by providing an environment that is non-threatening and non-confrontational. When open communication flows (between family members and between the therapist and the clients), solutions can be discussed. The facilitator can also help family members become better communicators so that there are no further communication problems.
– Provide problem-solving skills. Family counselors can help equip family members with the necessary skills to deal with issues that cause conflict. This includes dealing with depression, developing self-confidence, anger management and dealing with loss or grief. Sometimes, if there is an issue with alcoholism or drug abuse, a substance abuse counselor can help the client break free from the addiction.
– Helps you deal with changes in life. As they say, life is a constant change and it never comes in smooth patterns. There are instances where the changes and the crises are too complicated or too heavy for you to bear. Even happy occasions such as the birth of a baby can cause an emotional upheaval. A therapist can help guide you through these upheavals so that you know how to respond to these.
– Helps individuals, couples and families deal with stress. The loss of a job. A serious sickness of a partner. The death of a loved one. When these strike, people are sometimes ill-equipped to deal with these stressful situations. And this can have a serious effect on relationships, depending on how each family member reacts. Some may deal with the stress by being aggressive. Some may handle it by pulling away from loved ones. Therapy can help people deal with stress in such a way that is relationships are built and strengthened, not destroyed.
– Help in overcoming the past. Past sins and mistakes have a tendency to haunt a relationship. A spouse may not easily get over a past bout of infidelity. Therapy can help mend the ridges so that the couple or family can move forward.
These are just some of the reasons why couples or families seek therapy. Once you realize the need for therapy, it is important that you don’t wait too long to get it. By that time, it may be too late. Don’t wait until things have seriously snowballed and heading downhill. Even if your partner or other family members refuse to go into therapy, going into it by yourself will still prove helpful.
Family Counselors in Provo, Utah
If you live in the Provo, Utah area, Triston Morgan is happy to help you with couples and family therapy services. Triston Morgan is licensed to practice marriage and family therapy in Utah and he has years of experience under his belt, particularly in the area of dealing with couples, teens and those with issues with regards to drugs or substance abuse.
Triston Morgan hilds a master’s degree and Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy, from Loma Linda University and Brigham Young University, respectively. Morgan is also certified to provide PREPARE/ENRICH courses. He has written books and for various journals and is an esteemed member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.
Families can be our source of joy and pride. But sometimes they can also be a source of pain and heartaches. There may be fights, disagreements and arguments. There may be spurts of rebellion or other destructive situations. But still, we carry on because we are fighting for people that we love, for people who matter.
The occasional conflict among family members is to be expected. Conflicts happen. However, there are times when the struggles cause deeper damage and stress to the family. It is often important to identify some of the reasons why families struggle so that family members can make efforts to prevent conflict from happening unnecessarily. With hard work (and sometimes the help of a Utah family therapist), family members can get to a win/win result.
What are some of the common reasons why families struggle?
– Lack of communication. Sometimes we speak with harsh words when “soft” ones will do. Sometimes we fail to listen to what is being said (or left unsaid). Conflicts also arise when people fail to express feelings and expectations and then blow up when these expectations are not met. For instance, parents may be sending mixed signals – being permissive one moment and being really strict the next. Lack of communication among family members can result in bitterness, shouting matches and fights. It will help for family members to develop communication skills – to learn to listen, clarify and contemplate what others are trying to say. This is especially necessary when children get to their teens and start being uncommunicative and sullen. Developing good communication skills earlier on will do your family good during this time. One important aspect in communication is learning to say “I’m sorry” and saying “You’re forgiven.” with equal grace.
– Lack of or no respect. This goes for respect for the spouse, respect for a child, respect for a parent and respect for a sibling. Respect is one of the main ingredients in maintaining peace in the family. When respect is not present, spouses tend to should angry and foul words to each other. Children start to talk back and use foul words with their siblings. Respect also has to do with a family member’s privacy and property. Respect teaches us that each one has value and is worth being treated properly.
– Tendency to take other family members for granted. The truth is, we are sometimes kinder to other people (even strangers!) than we are with our family. We forget to say the magic words such as “thank you”, “excuse me” or “please”. We also easily forgive other people for mistakes that we don’t allow to simply pass when it is our sibling or loved one who does it.
– Setting unrealistic standards. This commonly happens between the parent and the child. A parent may have set unrealistic expectations that don’t match the child’s abilities or the parent expects a child to take on responsibilities when the child is not yet ready. For instance, a parent may dream of having a virtuoso pianist, ace basketball player or straight ‘A’ student. This puts undue pressure on the child and makes him feel frustrated that he can’t meet the parent’s expectations.
– Favoritism. A parent who shows that he favors one child over the other sets the family up for conflict. It becomes deep-seated over time, causing resentment among siblings and pain to the child who feels that he is being loved less. The words “Why can’t you be like your brother here?” may be some of the harshest words a child can hear.
– Changes/Crises in the family. There is a long list. A new addition to the family (a baby). Moving to another house. A child starting to go to school. The children’s teenage years. A family member getting sick. Parents getting a divorce. Problems in the family’s finances. These are some souces of conflict within the home.
These are just some of the causes of conflicts in the family. In the complicated arena of families, there are more. The point is, sometimes these conflicts produce wounds and scars that may take time and professional help (such as family counseling) to overcome.
With regular marriage and family therapy, loved ones can learn how to work as a team to sort out the conflict and get results that are satisfying to all family members. This is especially true if there are other issues underlying such as drug abuse or alcoholism (where you may need to work with a substance abuse counselor).
Finding Family Counseling in Provo, Utah
If you are located in Utah and would like to get the help of a family therapist, consider Mr. Triston Morgan. Triston Morgan is a licensed family therapist in the state of Utah, particularly in the city of Provo. Morgan provides therapy in a safe and non-confrontational environment where family members, couples or individuals can thresh out issues in order to strengthen relationships.