Depression is a combination of feelings, including intense, overwhelming sadness, helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness. When someone is clinically depressed these feelings keep him/her from functioning normally, and often span for days, if not weeks.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, clinical depression is the diagnosis when at least five of the following nine symptoms are present at the same time:

• A depressed, down mood most of the day, especially in the mornings
• Fatigue or extreme loss of energy
• Continual feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Difficulty concentrating and marked indecisiveness
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping
• A diminished interest in activities
• Restlessness
• Significant weight loss or weight gain
• Recurring thoughts that surround death or suicide

There are several different types of depression, including, but not limited to, Major Depressive Disorder, Chronic Depression, Atypical Depression, Manic Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder.  

Depression is a disease, not a mood; therefore, it is not a flaw in one’s character or a personal weakness. Depression is when neurotransmitters and chemicals in one’s brain are out of balance and do not communicate properly. Several factors can contribute to depression, including family history. Scientists have discovered that genes play a role in inheriting depression. While this does not mean someone is necessarily born with depression, it relates to how someone handles a stressful event and if depression is easily triggered. Stressful events in one’s life can cause depression, e.g., losing a loved one, postpartum depression after pregnancy, divorce or experiencing a chronic disease. Certain health problems relate to depression, including hypothyroidism and anemia. Medication can also cause be the root cause of depression, particularly with steroid and/or narcotic use.       

People suffering from depression have many options in today’s world. Therapists in Utah can help diagnosis the severity of depression and offer advice if a patient should seek medical treatment under a psychiatrist or family doctor for anti-depressant medication(s). It is important to determine the core cause of depression, whether it is genetic or triggered by a stressful event. This variable factor determines the type of treatment Therapists in Provo, Utah recommend, based on each individual’s needs and requirements. Utah Counselors receive special training, helping them understand the effects of depression, how to counteract these effects with open communication and extensive therapy.

“What do I know about sex? I’m a married man.” Tom Clancy

In many ways, a lot of married couples feel that way. There is an adage that a couple’s sexual life goes downhill in the course of their married life. Indeed, there are times when your, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.” becomes the standard answer, rather than the exception.

A fulfilling sex life is an integral part of marriage – it is one way to establish and maintain intimacy between the husband and wife. Although the passage of time may diminish that excitement you might have felt when you were in your “honeymoon period”, your sexual relationship can still be fulfilling and enjoyable. One key to maintaining intimacy and a satisfying sex life is to ensure your sexual health as a couple.

Couples may lack sexual desire or suffer from poor sexual health due to these issues:

–          Painful sex. There are times when a woman experiences pain during sex. This may be because of inadequate foreplay, conditions that result in a lack of lubrication for the woman, vaginismus (or the condition where the vaginal muscles tighten involuntarily) or a vaginal infection. Due to the pain that a woman experiences during sex, the natural reaction would be to avoid having sex her spouse. It is highly recommended that the woman see her doctor to check what is causing the discomfort.

–          Erectile dysfunction. This pertains to a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection during sexual performance. There may be psychological and physical reasons for this problem. Again, this usually needs either a therapist in Utah or medical intervention.

–          Other physical health issues. Lack of libido may be due to effects of medication (i.e. anti-depressants, diabetes or heart medications and so on).

–          Stress and fatigue. The everyday stresses of life and the flurry of activities result in a tired couple – who can hardly end the day with a kiss, much less have sex. Also, if the couple is stressed over something (money, kids, in-laws), sex can get to the bottom of the priority list.

–          Relationship problems. Lack of intimacy can be traced to problems in the relationship itself. When there are feelings of bitterness, resentment or anger with your spouse, sex may be the last thing you want to share with your partner.

–          Negative feelings during or about sex. A partner may be disinterested in sex due to feelings of self-consciousness, embarrassment or guilt, a negative view of sex, negativity or anxiety about one’s sexual performance.

–          Aging. Hormones that affect our sexual response and arousal ebb and flow over time. For instance, for men, the levels of testosterone decline as they age. This means that they take more time to get aroused and the firmness of the erections may not be the same. For women, estrogen levels also decrease over time, which may lead to needing more time to be aroused and less lubrication.

Getting Help

Lack of sexual interest may be due to physical issues. It may be a red flag, your body’s call for help. Do make it a point to visit your doctor to have a comprehensive check-up to ensure that the lack of libido is not due to physical problems.

Now, if your doctor issues you a clean bill of health, then you and your partner should explore other reasons. You may consider getting Utah marriage counseling to delve into the possible reasons for your sexual issues. There may be some disagreement in sexual practices or issues that the couple can’t seem to resolve by themselves. With the help of a marriage therapist in Provo, you and your partner can explore psychological and marital issues that may be the root cause of the problem.

 

Do you feel trapped in a relationship where the normal range of emotions includes fear, humiliation and the feeling of being trapped? Do you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner and have to deal with insults, intimidation and manipulation? Are you constantly being belittled and your opinions rejected, even scoffed at?  Are you struggling with your own self worth and feel the constant need for validation? You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse deals with eroding a person’s sense of self-worth and self confidence. Remember the sayings, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”? Well, in an emotionally abusive relationship, this is far from the truth. Although it dwells mostly on the emotions and does not leave any visible wounds, the scars that come from years of emotional abuse may be harder to heal than physical ones.

Emotional abuse may be marked by aggression (constant criticisms, blaming, insulting and name calling), denial (seeks to deny a reality i.e. “That never happened.” “No one ever said or did that to you.” or giving the silent treatment as punishment) and minimizing (reducing the victim’s feelings as something trivial, where the victim is just overreacting). Emotional abuse seeks to marginalize one’s strengths while magnifying one’s weaknesses.

The result is that the victim feels not just hurt and angry, but also powerless and lacking in confidence. The victim may start accepting the emotional abuse as the norm and may have failed to give value to their own opinions, perceptions and feelings.  Over time, the abuse can produce serious psychological damage to the victim and can turn into an anxiety disorder or depression. The victim may also turn to substances such as alcohol or drugs to deal with the situation and may need the help of a Utah substance abuse counselor.

Usually, the one doing the emotional abuse is himself or herself a victim of such abuse. He or she may also have a low level of self-worth and may feel the need to put others down to feel good about himself or herself.

How do you know that you are in an abusive relationship?

Here are some marks of an emotionally abusive relationship:

–          Use of words that demean and insult, even if there are other people who are witnesses to it

–          Making baseless accusations

–          Denying something ever happened or if it did, that the victim is just exaggerating or being too sensitive about it

–          Arguments where only one party is doing the talking and never the listening

–          Insulting, demeaning or belittling the other even when the victim becomes upset and vulnerable to the abuse. Even as the victim starts crying or asks for a time out, the abuser continues with the behavior.

–          Refusal to be pleased by anything the other partner does or says

–          May also be sometimes accompanied by other forms of abuse (i.e. physical abuse or sexual abuse)

–          May blame the other partner for his or her infidelities

–          The victim may become increasingly isolated from loved ones and friends.

Please note also that the role of victim and abuser may switch, depending on the type of relationship. An individual who is a victim of emotional abuse with his or her spouse may be the abuser when he or she is with friends or loved ones.

Getting help for emotional abuse

One does not have to settle with a life marked by feelings of helplessness and humiliation. You can start to see your worth as a person and learn not to accept abuse but to assert yourself. One good way to begin is by going into therapy in Utah. If you are the victim of emotional abuse, it may be best for you to get counseling first as an individual rather than dragging your partner to go for couples counseling. With individual therapy, the victim may start the journey of rediscovery towards his or her sense of self-worth and self-esteem and learn how to assert himself or herself in the relationship.

Going for marriage counseling in Provo may work if both partners are willing to admit to the problem and to change. They can start by trying to identify the root causes of the abusive behavior and then learn communication techniques that do away with abusive language. However, that is usually not the case as the abuser may try to use the couples therapy sessions as a way to point the responsibility of the problem to the other party.

The comfort is that one can get out of an emotionally abusive relationship. A marriage should be a relationship that brings you joy, peace and comfort. If you feel otherwise, if you feel that you are being demeaned, belittled and if your self-worth is being battered, then it is time for you to seek professional help through counseling. If you know of someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship, chances are, he or she may be hesitant to go for help. You may have to help by accompanying him or her to the counseling session and by supporting him or her throughout.

For those who are seeking help for emotional abuse in the Provo, Utah area, do try to contact Dr. Triston Morgan. Dr. Morgan is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a Ph. D of the same from Brigham Young University. Through his years of practice in the state of Utah, he has helped individuals and couples first discover who they are and how their relationships can be strengthened.

 

They say that a relationship is like a plant – you need to nurture it in order for it to grow stronger and form deeper roots. However, there may be times when storms come. During these instances, the damage done may need the intervention of a third party to help restore the health of the relationship. That is the reason why it is beneficial for couples to go for marriage counseling at certain times during their marriage. Your marriage is important enough to take some time to fix any areas that might be broken.

Don’t wait until it’s too late

The danger in waiting to go for marriage counseling occurs when things have gone too far. Don’t wait until it’s too late! Go for help as soon as there are signs of problems.

There are instances when couples just drift apart. They become too busy with the everyday things, raising children or earning a living. Then, they suddenly realize that they are not partners and lovers anymore but simply two people living under the same roof. This should be a wake up call.

In addition, when problems come to a marriage (as they invariably do) and remain unresolved, people sometimes decide to stay married, even when they are unhappy about the situation. Over time, problems, conflicts and personality clashes will result in hardened feelings and unkind actions within the relationship. Negative feelings, words, and behaviors will take their toll on the marriage. The longer you wait to get to a marriage therapist, the more damage your marriage may sustain and the more work must be done to repair these damages.

Going to a Marriage Counselor is not giving up

One thing that often stops people from going to see a marriage counselor is that they feel it is a sure sign that their marriage is in trouble and headed towards divorce. On the contrary, the willingness to go through couples counseling sessions often demonstrates the desire of both parties to find healing and restoration. You don’t go to the doctor only in instances where you are already sick. Sometimes you go for regular check-ups, so you can stay healthy. The same goes for marriage counseling.

A licensed and experienced therapist will help a lot in mapping out the path towards a stronger marriage, something that two people who are emotionally involved may be unable to do by themselves. Strong emotions may be involved, making it impossible for you to sit down and talk about your issues.

So when is a good time to go for counseling? Here are some instances or signs that you may need to attend counseling sessions:

–          You and your partner are about to get married. Counseling is not just for married people! Pre-marital counseling will help engaged couples to learn skills that will help them deal with the challenges of “being one”. Engaged couples sometimes enter into marriage with stars in their eyes, only to realize that their expectations and reality are two different things! Pre-marital counseling is the venue by which these expectations, priorities and opinions are discussed so that the couple comes into a mutual agreement about matters such as how they will handle money, where they will live, how they will “fight” and disagree, how to raise children and so on.

–          You and your partner have conflicts that you can’t seem to resolve. Disagreements with money, how to deal with in-laws, disciplining children are some more common conflicts in a marriage. You may have tried and failed to deal with these conflicts on your own. The way we each deal with these areas is based on our own patterns, fears and personalities and each of us has a little bit different viewpoint.

–          You and your partner are undergoing too much stress. A partner’s infidelity, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job or changes in one’s life may shake the foundations of a marriage. You may need to undergo counseling to help process feelings that result from these stressors and outline a plan to deal with these feelings constructively.

–          When one partner is unhappy about the marriage. Even when the other spouse does not feel likewise or doesn’t have a clue, when one partner expresses dissatisfaction about the relationship, it is not just a problem of the one person but of the relationship itself. Couples counseling can help sort out the issues that triggered this dissatisfaction and how each person contributes to it.

–          When couples don’t know how to “fight”. Let’s face it, conflicts will come in a relationship. However, some couples still have not learned how to communicate their way through the conflict. One may get aggressive while the other will choose to withdraw from the fray. One may start flinging out hurtful words that do more damage to the relationship. Still others may just turn a blind eye to a conflict and hope that it goes away. Couples can learn valuable communication and problem-solving techniques to effectively resolve an issue in counseling.

–          When the couple can’t connect emotionally or sexually. Does it feel as if the passion is gone? Or that a partner is not able to share your joys and grief and is somehow disconnected? Again, with counseling, the issues that lie behind these feelings can be brought to light and resolved.

–          You want to learn new relationship skills. This includes learning how to resolve conflict, communicating, setting goals and making evaluations.

Finding a marriage therapist

When you know it’s time to see a marriage therapist, the next step is to consider the therapist you’ll be going to. Do some preliminary research. A great therapist will have experience (especially in the areas you are concerned with). Try to find one that makes you feel comfortable, especially as you’ll be sharing very personal and intimate details about yourself and your relationship.

When you are looking for a marriage therapist in Provo, Utah, you can visit Triston Morgan. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist with years of experience in counseling, particularly with teens and those struggling with substance abuse. He is licensed to practice in the state of Utah. Triston Morgan holds a Master’s Degree and PhD in marriage and family counseling from Loma Linda University and Brigham Young University, respectively.