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When Julie and Chris (not their real names) entered my office, they were not looking at each other. I could tell they had been in a fight recently, and that it had been a bad one. They told me it started last night when Chris came home late from work and didn’t tell Julie where he had been. When asked about it, Chris became defensive. “Can’t I come home without getting the third degree?! I’ve been working hard all day to support this family!” He told Julie to stop being “such a nag.” Julie shot back a quick remark about his incompetence as a father because he had missed their son’s basketball game, again.
Whether it plays out in marital therapy or in many of your homes, this isn’t an uncommon scenario. What I told Julie and Chris surprised them. I told them the fact that they fought wasn’t the problem. The fact that they argued wasn’t (read more)
In generations past, issues of faith and spirituality were often deferred to clergy and chaplains. It could easily be argued that psychology, as a discipline, has maintained a reputation for reducing issues of faith and belief to mere symptoms of other issues, thereby discrediting the significance and importance of the subject matter itself. However, things are changing. Ironically, as Len Sperry from Florida Atlantic University recognizes, “[Today], more individuals in various cultural contexts are increasingly seeking out psychotherapists and other practitioners, rather than ministers or spiritual guides, to deal with these concerns or foster their spiritual growth and development.” (Sperry, 2014) This calls for a new breed of psychotherapist. One who is not only skilled in matters of psychological, emotional, relational, and cognitive health, but also one who understands the various theoretical approaches to religious studies and the ethical implications of such for their clients.
The subject of spirituality has recently experienced a resurgence of supporters within the discipline of psychotherapy. Mindfulness techniques have become essential pillars used in such third generation behavioral therapies as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT). Integrative health models will often include spiritual health alongside emotional, mental, social, and physical health. But what exactly does spiritual healthmean? What place does religion, belief, faith, and spiritual practice have within a therapeutic setting? And what role can a therapist serve regarding such issues?
Spirituality is such a deeply personal and subjective concept that many mental health clinicians pay little to no attention to it in therapy (except perhaps briefly asking one or two questions while completing a “psychosocial assessment”). And it’s not their fault. Chances are, such clinicians have had little to no formal education or training on issues of religion, existentialism, or spirituality as a whole.
As a marriage and family therapist by training, I am reminded every session about how my personal experiences, biases, and values affect the therapeutic relationship and overall well-being of my clients. When I am looking for a therapist to refer colleagues, family members, or friends, I look for the following three qualities:
- A licensed professional with an appropriate level of education/training to treat the particular issues bringing the client into session.
- Someone who authentically recognizes the limits of personal biases (we all have them).
- Someone who empathically collaborates with their clients from a place of acceptance and compassion.
When working on issues of faith in a therapeutic setting, the same applies. If you are interested in working through issues of faith or spirituality with a therapist, I also recommend the following suggestions: Take your time to find someone you feel comfortable with, and who simultaneously challenges you to grow. Be clear about what you are looking for in therapy. Perhaps it’s wanting to learn how spirituality paired with therapeutic techniques can bolster resiliency. Perhaps you are experiencing feelings of shame and perfectionistic tendencies which can be counterproductive to living the life you want to live. Or perhaps you or a loved one is experiencing a crisis of faith and you need the support from a nonjudgemental, yet knowledgeable, third party. Whatever your needs, find a therapist who you feel understands your journey and is comfortable exploring such sensitive issues with confidence.
*Please be sure to check in on the next article in this three-part series, where we explore the qualities which help define spiritual health, and five benefits of integrating spirituality with psychotherapy.
originally published by Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine
Kenneth Jeppesen joined the American Fork Center for Couples and Families in 2015. He is a master at knowing what it takes for couples to be successful in their relationships. Kenneth uses the “Gottman Method” in the counseling room and has presented all across Utah Valley on this topic. This method is based on decades of successful marital research by John Gottman. With skill and precision, Kenneth helps clients apply these findings in a way that produces happiness in relationships.
Kenneth specializes in marriage counseling, depression, anxiety and faith-based crisis counseling.
Listening sounds easy. But it’s not. Real listening takes effort and skill.
Listening isn’t passing the time until the speaker runs out of things to say. Or mentally finding fault with the speaker’s argument so you can shoot down their logic. Or waiting for the speaker to take a breath so you can interrupt. These kinds of listening patterns can create a small war!
Therapists use a technique called “reflective listening” that can be useful for everyone. Reflective listening is different from the communication styles you grew up with (unless you are the child of psychotherapists), and is built on four main principles:
- Reflective listening is present in the moment. When listening, you don’t let your mind wander. You stay present with the speaker and give her your full attention.
- Reflective listening uses aligned body language. A reflective listener takes approximately (read more)
March 16, 7:00pm @ American Fork Library.
The American Fork Center for Couples and Families – Marriage therapist Kenneth Jeppesen will condense 40 years of marital research and teach you how to have a happier marriage. His last presentation in Orem on this topic was standing room only. Come early to get a seat!
For some reason, it has always been easier to lose money than it is to make it and keep it. The FBI calculates that in recent years there were more than 4,400 victims of fraud in Utah, totaling a net losses of $1.4 billion dollars (www.fbi.gov).Properly managing your investments is critical to your long term financial success. It is not optional. First, it requires (read more)
I believe there are three basic components that shape us as human beings: physical/biomechanical, biochemical, and emotional/mental/spiritual. In order for us to reach our potential, all three of these areas need to be in balance.
Here are a few small steps we can take in each area to help us reach a more balanced state, and produce big changes by the end of the year:
Physical/Biomechanical:
Since you spend your life in your physical body, keeping it healthy is a must! Exercise is important but finding the time and energy to go to the gym 3-5 times a week can be difficult. How about starting with…(read more) (more…)
Join me in welcoming marriage and family therapist DANIEL COLVER to the Spanish Fork Center for Couples and Families.
He specializes in COUPLES therapy, FAITH-BASED CRISIS counseling, ANXIETY and DEPRESSION treatment. He is currently working on a PhD specializing in integrated healthcare.
Interesting fact about Daniel – he was an AERIAL GUNNER in the U.S. Air Force! He takes that same courage into the counseling room to help you battle life’s difficulties.
http://spanishforkfamilies.com/news/
Be a better person. Be happier! Don’t get mad at the kids. Make more money! These are all good ideas for New Year’s resolutions, but flawed in their design. If you are like me, you have already set New Year’s resolutions and look forward to what this coming year will bring. There is a trick, however, to make sure you set yourself up for success. Being a goal driven person is a good thing—let’s make sure, however, that you don’t stumble out of the gate.
Over the years I have heard many couples tell me that they want a “better relationship,” or that they need to work on their “communication problems.” Creating a better relationship is a fantastic idea and worthwhile goal for every couple in or out of therapy. However, to successfully achieve this goal, we need to drill deeper to understand what having a better relationship means. For some, it might mean improving their fun and play together through a date night every Friday. For others, they would spend less time with electronics and more quality time together doing activities that create conversation and intimacy.
Working on communication problems can mean many different things as well. For one couple it could mean that they spend less time being critical of each other and instead adopt an attitude of understanding and compassion to their spouse’s views. For others it might mean that they want to actually talk about difficult topics in their marriage before they simmer, unaddressed, and eventually cause a blow up. We could even drill down further here—but you get the point. Your goals should be specific to you and your family, not generic and abstract.
In working with couples in my office, I have found several principles to help when setting goals. Keep your New Year’s resolutions in mind as we review a few principles:
Positive Frame – State your goals in a positive tone. Outline what you want to do, not what you don’t want to do. For example, instead of creating a goal such as, ‘Don’t get mad at the kids,’ reframe it into something like, ‘Respond to my children with calmness and take a time-out when needed.’ Dr. Craig Manning, the mental strength coach for a variety of BYU sports programs, emphasizes this. Through his experience teaching athletes this and similar principles, he has found that their performance improves.
Guiding Tools – Use an acronym, such as SMART, to help set up your goals:
- Specific – what do you want to achieve?
- Measurable – how can you track progress? (i.e., I want to run an 8-minute/mile pace in a half-marathon)
- Attainable – can you achieve this goal? You don’t have to limit yourself here, however. It’s good to shoot high at times!
- Relevant – is this something that will help you meet your needs in life?
- Timely – include a time frame or increments of time (i.e., by March 2015, or every Friday night)
Some would argue that using an acronym like SMART limits your creative, bold self. Just make sure to stretch yourself as you use this tool in setting goals.
Follow Up – Your resolutions should be something you review often. Make it a habit to look them over once a week. This helps guide your efforts and reminds you of your course. Some people post these goals in a conspicuous place in their daily routine so that they see them whether they want to or not. The bathroom mirror, the kitchen refrigerator or the screen saver on your phone are great places to start. I have noticed that when I review my goals weekly I am able to achieve them throughout the year, instead of watching them disappear like the snow in spring.
Remember—everyone is unique. That you want to improve an area of your life and stretch yourself in new ways is admirable, but a one-size-fits-all goal is usually not the best way to do it. Decide on specific positive actions that will get you to a happier self. Don’t forget to keep track of your progress, and most importantly, be proud of the new you!
Originally published in the Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine:
Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine – Resolutions: Tricks of the Trade